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Ranchers.net

Cute pictures reminds a person of some old cute jokes. Enjoy!




>>
>> A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a
>> dead cat. She asked
>> "How do you know that it was dead?"
>> "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,"
>> answered the child innocently.
>> "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
>> "You know", explained the boy, "I leaned over and went
>> 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
>>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>> A little boy was doing his math homework. He
>> said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch
>> is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is
>> nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and
>> gasped, "What are you
>> doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math
>> homework, Mom."
>> "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?"
>> the mother asked.
>> "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the
>> teacher the next day,
>> "What are you teaching my son in math?"
>> The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning
>> addition."
>> The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to
>> say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
>> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
>> "What I taught them
>> was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
>>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>> An exasperated mother, whose son was always
>> getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you
>> expect to get into
>> Heaven?"
>> The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in
>> and out and in and
>> out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says,
>> "For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
>>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>> A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
>> Five minutes later.... "Da-ad...."
>> "What?"
>> "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
>> "No. You had your chance. Lights out."
>> Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
>> "WHAT?"
>> "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
>> "I told you No!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank
>> you!!"
>> Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
>> "WHAT!"
>> "When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a
>> drink of water?"
>>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>> It was that time, during the Sunday morning
>> service, for the children's sermon. All the children
>> were invited to come
>> forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly
>> pretty dress and, as she
>> sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a
>> very pretty dress. Is
>> it your Easter Dress?"
>> The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's
>> clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's
>> a bitch to iron."
>>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> :secret:
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