• If you are having problems logging in please use the Contact Us in the lower right hand corner of the forum page for assistance.

Man School

the_jersey_lilly_2000

Well-known member
We ain't even gonna call it "courses" Cuz they'd just think it was somethin to eat! :p


Listenin', the Final Frontier: Where No Man Has Gone Before
The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Writin a check down in the registry
Parties: Going
Woman Management: No thanks we can manage on our own!
Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need to learn to LIFT THAT LID
Bathroom Etiquette II: Her Razor is Hers
Communications Skills I: Whinin' - I ain't yer mama!!!
Communication Skills II: Speaking
Communication Skills III: Goes right along with Listenin. If you'd listen we wouldn't hafta nag.
Driving a Car Safely: Keeping your eyes on the road, and your hands on the wheel!!!!
Telephone Skills: How to dial
Introduction to Parking: the kind you do in a parking lot. Not the kind where you think your wife/girlfriend wants to go park on a deserted backroad.
Advanced Parking: Drop me off at the front and pick me up. I don't care where or how you park, just don't scuff MY truck.
Water Retention: Beer Gut!
Cooking I: Your hand does fit the pan handle
Cooking II: The burner on the stove goes under the bottom of the pan.
Cooking III: Put somethin edible in the pan, and heat it. :shock: you can feed yourself.
Compliments: actually saying it outloud instead of just thinkin it.
PMS: Better off just leavin us alone!!!!
Dancing: It can be done.......
Classic Clothing: Socks with suspenders holding them up are not allowed!!!!
Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence only noticed by men when it obstructs the view of the television screen.
Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together results in men having pink underwear.
Oil and Petrol: You should change it for us.
TV Remotes: Should not be hidden in the couch cushions by men, intentional or otherwise.
Getting Ready to Go Out: Means you actually hafta get up, and change into somethin clean. Clean...that's all we ask. Doesn't hafta be fancy...just CLEAN!!!!!
 

Hooks

Well-known member
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN :

1 She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
5 She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
 

Blkbuckaroo

Well-known member
"Keep your eyes on the road,and hands on the wheel"
Drive this road everyday,know it by heart,i can drive by braille,might miss a down fence wire,cow out, or nice pair of cowgirl wranglers :p
only need one hand for driving,and one for keeping your lap warm :wink:
,put your name on your razor so we can have positive identification :)
 

Yanuck

Well-known member
Why don't men wear tight underwear?
It cuts off circulation to the brain!

Why do men have broad shoulders and big foreheads?
When you ask them a question, they shrug their shoulders and say, "I don't know."

When you tell them the answer, they slap their foreheads and say, "Ohhhhhh."

Why is it good that there are women astronauts?
So that when the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

Well-known member
Blkbuckaroo said:
"Keep your eyes on the road,and hands on the wheel"
Drive this road everyday,know it by heart,i can drive by braille,might miss a down fence wire,cow out, or nice pair of cowgirl wranglers :p
only need one hand for driving,and one for keeping your lap warm :wink:
,put your name on your razor so we can have positive identification :)

Maybe true that ya know the road by heart...but ya also know the bar ditch by feel. (that's when the eyes and hands are NOT on the wheel)

If ya kept both eyes and hands on the wheels, the downed fence probably wouldn't be down, and the cow wouldn't be out.

TYVM but my lap aint what's cold....I'll just put on an extra pair of socks....cuz heaven forbid ya try to keep my feet warm while drivin.

Women's razors are pink...if ya weren't so darn usta the pink underwear you've been wearin you'd know that PINK is the HINT that it's NOT YOUR RAZOR!!!!
 

Hooks

Well-known member
Q: How do you make a woman's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: Did you hear about the female coyote?
A: Got caught in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: What does a woman and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What does a female owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: Why did the woman scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
 

Blkbuckaroo

Well-known member
the_jersey_lilly_2000 said:
Blkbuckaroo said:
"Keep your eyes on the road,and hands on the wheel"
Drive this road everyday,know it by heart,i can drive by braille,might miss a down fence wire,cow out, or nice pair of cowgirl wranglers :p
only need one hand for driving,and one for keeping your lap warm :wink:
,put your name on your razor so we can have positive identification :)

Maybe true that ya know the road by heart...but ya also know the bar ditch by feel. (that's when the eyes and hands are NOT on the wheel)

If ya kept both eyes and hands on the wheels, the downed fence probably wouldn't be down, and the cow wouldn't be out.

TYVM but my lap aint what's cold....I'll just put on an extra pair of socks....cuz heaven forbid ya try to keep my feet warm while drivin.

Women's razors are pink...if ya weren't so darn usta the pink underwear you've been wearin you'd know that PINK is the HINT that it's NOT YOUR RAZOR!!!!
You're right women's razors are pink. "That's why us men are always surprised when you step in the shower with a BLUE one"
The cow's only on the road because you did'nt use that fence strecther the way i taught ya' :p -see communication"Women's Courses" :) You're right about two hands on the wheel,i should down shift at this gate so you can jump out and swing'er open for me :) ,thanks doll.That ole' bar ditch aint' run water in a while,if ya' geta minute,maybe jump on the backhoe and fill that in for me.Thanks hun :tiphat: Come to think of it,you've had cold feet ever since our wedding day,thought they would'a warmed up by now,since you're headed toward the kitchen can you grab me a beer,and that bag of chips in the pantry.Thanks kitten :wink: .Sorry for the tangent,feeling extra silly today.Must be the fact that winter came back :twisted:
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

Well-known member
Blkbuckaroo said:
the_jersey_lilly_2000 said:
Blkbuckaroo said:
"Keep your eyes on the road,and hands on the wheel"
Drive this road everyday,know it by heart,i can drive by braille,might miss a down fence wire,cow out, or nice pair of cowgirl wranglers :p
only need one hand for driving,and one for keeping your lap warm :wink:
,put your name on your razor so we can have positive identification :)

Maybe true that ya know the road by heart...but ya also know the bar ditch by feel. (that's when the eyes and hands are NOT on the wheel)

If ya kept both eyes and hands on the wheels, the downed fence probably wouldn't be down, and the cow wouldn't be out.

TYVM but my lap aint what's cold....I'll just put on an extra pair of socks....cuz heaven forbid ya try to keep my feet warm while drivin.

Women's razors are pink...if ya weren't so darn usta the pink underwear you've been wearin you'd know that PINK is the HINT that it's NOT YOUR RAZOR!!!!
You're right women's razors are pink. "That's why us men are always surprised when you step in the shower with a BLUE one"
The cow's only on the road because you did'nt use that fence strecther the way i taught ya' :p -see communication"Women's Courses" :) You're right about two hands on the wheel,i should down shift at this gate so you can jump out and swing'er open for me :) ,thanks doll.That ole' bar ditch aint' run water in a while,if ya' geta minute,maybe jump on the backhoe and fill that in for me.Thanks hun :tiphat: Come to think of it,you've had cold feet ever since our wedding day,thought they would'a warmed up by now,since you're headed toward the kitchen can you grab me a beer,and that bag of chips in the pantry.Thanks kitten :wink: .Sorry for the tangent,feeling extra silly today.Must be the fact that winter came back :twisted:

Ohhhhhh you've got it ALLLLLL wrong. Pink razor stays in the shower.....no need to carry a blue one off in there with me. :p

How r you gonna down shift...when I'M DRIVIN? Your the gate opener. Fence stretcher is there in the backa my truck. If you want it any tighter, have at it, then I'll sit back so I can listen to you play "Duellin Banjo's" on the fence wires. (ahhhh country entertainment)LOL

If you were conciderate. You'd use that extra appendage.....to reach over and turn on the heater so my feet warm up.....yes that's right.....put it on the floor vent....

Beer.....chips????? your legs aren't broke.............yet. Until they are....git up n git your own beer n chips.

Hun? Kitten? I can tell I"m gonna be swingin skillets soon.

And did ya'll notice the apology at the end of his "tangent"? hahaha
 

kolanuraven

Well-known member
Ohhhh...lordy be....they's gonna be a big ol can of whup azz opened up sounds like!! :lol: :lol: :lol:


See, the men folks are proving the point....they just can't hush up and let it be!!! :lol: :lol:
 

Frank in West Dakota

Well-known member
the_jersey_lilly_2000 said:
We ain't even gonna call it "courses" Cuz they'd just think it was somethin to eat! :p


Listenin', the Final Frontier: Where No Man Has Gone Before
If there was somethin' other than bitchin', I'd listen.
The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Writin a check down in the registry
Don't use a "registry" anymore, nowadays it's called quicken.
Parties: Going
Be home at a reasonable hour
Woman Management: No thanks we can manage on our own!
In my case, it's PROVEN she can't manage anything on her own!
Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need to learn to LIFT THAT LID
I do lift the lid, and then I put the lid back down along with the cover.
And I expect you to do the same
Bathroom Etiquette II: Her Razor is Hers
Pink AND Blue are for women, men's are black and/or silver
Communications Skills I: Whinin' - I ain't yer mama!!!
If you was, you'd be perfect
Communication Skills II: Speaking
This is a two-way street here. BTW, that's speakin' not bitchin'
Communication Skills III: Goes right along with Listenin. If you'd listen we wouldn't hafta nag.
Already discussed above (I hate repeating myself)
Driving a Car Safely: Keeping your eyes on the road, and your hands on the wheel!!!!
If I drive I control the AC, Heat, Radio, etc, etc. You drive, you can do the same.
Telephone Skills: How to dial
Not a problem in this house.
Introduction to Parking: the kind you do in a parking lot. Not the kind where you think your wife/girlfriend wants to go park on a deserted backroad.
Well then what the heck is a bedroom for then?
Advanced Parking: Drop me off at the front and pick me up. I don't care where or how you park, just don't scuff MY truck.
Title is in both our names, OUR truck
Water Retention: Beer Gut!
Not a problem here, I'll call it physique jealousy
Cooking I: Your hand does fit the pan handle
Cooking II: The burner on the stove goes under the bottom of the pan.
Cooking III: Put somethin edible in the pan, and heat it. :shock: you can feed yourself.
And I do, 2+ meals a day!
Compliments: actually saying it outloud instead of just thinkin it.
Again, this is a two-way street
PMS: Better off just leavin us alone!!!!
Left alone
Dancing: It can be done.......
Then don't lead, men lead in dancing, and women follow
Classic Clothing: Socks with suspenders holding them up are not allowed!!!!
:???:
Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence only noticed by men when it obstructs the view of the television screen.
Don't watch it enough to see any dust
Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together results in men having pink underwear.
I know how to do laundry, let me and I will
Oil and Petrol: You should change it for us.
You have to tell me when, I don't drive the car enough to know the mileage
TV Remotes: Should not be hidden in the couch cushions by men, intentional or otherwise.
Already discussed above
Getting Ready to Go Out: Means you actually hafta get up, and change into somethin clean. Clean...that's all we ask. Doesn't hafta be fancy...just CLEAN!!!!!
Clean as in, is-the-laundry-done? clean. I can do laundry, move aside and let me.
 

Blkbuckaroo

Well-known member
Frank in West Dakota said:
the_jersey_lilly_2000 said:
We ain't even gonna call it "courses" Cuz they'd just think it was somethin to eat! :p


Listenin', the Final Frontier: Where No Man Has Gone Before
If there was somethin' other than bitchin', I'd listen.
The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Writin a check down in the registry
Don't use a "registry" anymore, nowadays it's called quicken.
Parties: Going
Be home at a reasonable hour
Woman Management: No thanks we can manage on our own!
In my case, it's PROVEN she can't manage anything on her own!
Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need to learn to LIFT THAT LID
I do lift the lid, and then I put the lid back down along with the cover.
And I expect you to do the same
Bathroom Etiquette II: Her Razor is Hers
Pink AND Blue are for women, men's are black and/or silver
Communications Skills I: Whinin' - I ain't yer mama!!!
If you was, you'd be perfect
Communication Skills II: Speaking
This is a two-way street here. BTW, that's speakin' not bitchin'
Communication Skills III: Goes right along with Listenin. If you'd listen we wouldn't hafta nag.
Already discussed above (I hate repeating myself)
Driving a Car Safely: Keeping your eyes on the road, and your hands on the wheel!!!!
If I drive I control the AC, Heat, Radio, etc, etc. You drive, you can do the same.
Telephone Skills: How to dial
Not a problem in this house.
Introduction to Parking: the kind you do in a parking lot. Not the kind where you think your wife/girlfriend wants to go park on a deserted backroad.
Well then what the heck is a bedroom for then?
Advanced Parking: Drop me off at the front and pick me up. I don't care where or how you park, just don't scuff MY truck.
Title is in both our names, OUR truck
Water Retention: Beer Gut!
Not a problem here, I'll call it physique jealousy
Cooking I: Your hand does fit the pan handle
Cooking II: The burner on the stove goes under the bottom of the pan.
Cooking III: Put somethin edible in the pan, and heat it. :shock: you can feed yourself.
And I do, 2+ meals a day!
Compliments: actually saying it outloud instead of just thinkin it.
Again, this is a two-way street
PMS: Better off just leavin us alone!!!!
Left alone
Dancing: It can be done.......
Then don't lead, men lead in dancing, and women follow
Classic Clothing: Socks with suspenders holding them up are not allowed!!!!
:???:
Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence only noticed by men when it obstructs the view of the television screen.
Don't watch it enough to see any dust
Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together results in men having pink underwear.
I know how to do laundry, let me and I will
Oil and Petrol: You should change it for us.
You have to tell me when, I don't drive the car enough to know the mileage
TV Remotes: Should not be hidden in the couch cushions by men, intentional or otherwise.
Already discussed above
Getting Ready to Go Out: Means you actually hafta get up, and change into somethin clean. Clean...that's all we ask. Doesn't hafta be fancy...just CLEAN!!!!!
Clean as in, is-the-laundry-done? clean. I can do laundry, move aside and let me.
Frank,way to put one in there for the men's team :p :)(By the way,mens razors do come in dark blue) :wink:
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

Well-known member
Listenin', the Final Frontier: Where No Man Has Gone Before
If there was somethin' other than bitchin', I'd listen.

So you admit to not listenin...just cuz ya think she's gonna bitch...how do ya know your not missin out on stuff in between? LOL

The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Writin a check down in the registry
Don't use a "registry" anymore, nowadays it's called quicken.

I do my bankin the old fashioned way. Actually git outta MY truck and go inside. Make a deposit. Write checks to pay bills, and write them down in the register. Oh yeah, and I can balance my own check book too....all by myself.

Parties: Going
Be home at a reasonable hour

Your goin too.....unless of course it's a tupper ware party. Then neither of us will be goin LOL

Woman Management: No thanks we can manage on our own!
In my case, it's PROVEN she can't manage anything on her own!

Bless your lil heart!

Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need to learn to LIFT THAT LID
I do lift the lid, and then I put the lid back down along with the cover.
And I expect you to do the same.

Not a problem in my house......I picked one that had a mama that taught him well. LOL

Bathroom Etiquette II: Her Razor is Hers
Pink AND Blue are for women, men's are black and/or silver

Hmmm ya haven't been out lately have ya? They make blue razors for men too.

Communications Skills I: Whinin' - I ain't yer mama!!!
If you was, you'd be perfect

Bless your wife's heart!!! LOL

Communication Skills II: Speaking
This is a two-way street here. BTW, that's speakin' not bitchin'

Maybe a two way street, you need to be on the same page of the book.

Communication Skills III: Goes right along with Listenin. If you'd listen we wouldn't hafta nag.
Already discussed above (I hate repeating myself)

Then don't.

Driving a Car Safely: Keeping your eyes on the road, and your hands on the wheel!!!!
If I drive I control the AC, Heat, Radio, etc, etc. You drive, you can do the same.

Round here the term is: "Who's chokin this chicken"

Telephone Skills: How to dial
Not a problem in this house.

Mr Lilly is real good at this. Calls every day on his way home from work to see if there's anything I need him to pick up on his way home.

Introduction to Parking: the kind you do in a parking lot. Not the kind where you think your wife/girlfriend wants to go park on a deserted backroad.
Well then what the heck is a bedroom for then?

Please tell me you don't "Park" in the bedroom!!!! :shock:

Advanced Parking: Drop me off at the front and pick me up. I don't care where or how you park, just don't scuff MY truck.
Title is in both our names, OUR truck

Title is in MY name. But I will let him drive it. LOL

Water Retention: Beer Gut!
Not a problem here, I'll call it physique jealousy.

Oh Pahhhhleassssssssssse!!!!!

Cooking I: Your hand does fit the pan handle
Cooking II: The burner on the stove goes under the bottom of the pan.
Cooking III: Put somethin edible in the pan, and heat it. you can feed yourself.
And I do, 2+ meals a day!

Yeahhhhhh your mama done good!!!!!

Compliments: actually saying it outloud instead of just thinkin it.
Again, this is a two-way street

You mean like...."Gee, your beer gut doesn't look near as big in that shirt as it did in the one you took off a while ago"

PMS: Better off just leavin us alone!!!!
Left alone

See....men can be taught.

Dancing: It can be done.......
Then don't lead, men lead in dancing, and women follow

Except when you are "leading" and not payin attention to where you are goin......which is usually caused from not keepin your hands where they are supposed to be. :wink:

Classic Clothing: Socks with suspenders holding them up are not allowed!!!!
:???:
Does that mean. "What's wrong with them?" or "What are they?"

Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence only noticed by men when it obstructs the view of the television screen.
Don't watch it enough to see any dust

Ya know...it's nice to sit down and watch a movie with your wife/girlfriend ever now n then. We tend to like that. LOL

Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together results in men having pink underwear.
I know how to do laundry, let me and I will

When's the last time you seen a woman, guarding the washin machine preventin a man from doin a load of clothes???? huh????? anyone????

Oil and Petrol: You should change it for us.
You have to tell me when, I don't drive the car enough to know the mileage

Car?

TV Remotes: Should not be hidden in the couch cushions by men, intentional or otherwise.
Already discussed above

(meaning, he has no clue where it's at)


Getting Ready to Go Out: Means you actually hafta get up, and change into somethin clean. Clean...that's all we ask. Doesn't hafta be fancy...just CLEAN!!!!!
Clean as in, is-the-laundry-done? clean. I can do laundry, move aside and let me.

Once again...no one's guardin the washin machine.
 

Northern Rancher

Well-known member
I'll lift the lid when women quit putting those damn furry covers on the seat-they slam back down at the most inopportune times about as risky as stealing cheese out of a mousetrap.
 
Top