Angus Cattle Shower
Well-known member
PHRASES YOU NEVER WANT TO HEAR FROM YOUR BEST FRIEND
1. "You know, Bob, sometimes I just don't feel... fresh."
2. "I'm going to be on 'Jerry Springer' and I managed to score you these
great backstage passes."
3. "Sorry, bro... they should be able to reattach that."
4. "How much longer did those warranties run on your lawnmower, chain saw,
leaf blower, power washer, shovel and hammer?"
5. "There are few things in life I hold dear. One is the image of you in a
Speedo."
6. "Hold my colostomy bag for a second, will ya?"
7. "Get your butt over here, man -- my home Brazilian wax kit finally
arrived!"
8. "Wanna see where I tattooed your name?"
9. "I guess that sort of makes me your dad."
10. "I'm having some magazines from the Netherlands shipped to your house
for me. I hope you don't mind."
11. "Hey! I was just at this really cool Amway presentation. Got a
minute?"
12. "What a day! I've been rounding up and slaughtering flu-infected
poultry all... k-k-KACHOOO!!"
A LOT TO LEARN
A conversation with my wife and two of her girlfriends left me
scratching my head...knowing only this...I'm not going to understand
women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it
onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid
of a spider.
SIGNS YOU ARE ABOUT TO HAVE SEPTUPLETS
1. When listening for fetal heartbeat, doctor hears faint sounds of a game
of water polo.
2. Your womb has more kicks than the Rockettes.
3. On the way to the hospital, your water breaks and your convertible
becomes a mobile hot tub.
4. The turf war between local Pampers and Luvs sales reps is escalating.
5. The fire marshal hassles you about being in violation of maximum
occupancy laws.
6. Other pregnant women: as big as a house.
You: as big as Bill Gates's house.
7. You're dilated to the size of the Lincoln Tunnel and your doctor has
started yodeling.
8. Court order from Disney warning you to avoid copyright infringements
when naming the children.
9. Need to wear an extra watch because your body spans two time zones.
10. Forget about gentle kicks -- your abdomen feels like the mosh pit at
a Green Day concert.
1. "You know, Bob, sometimes I just don't feel... fresh."
2. "I'm going to be on 'Jerry Springer' and I managed to score you these
great backstage passes."
3. "Sorry, bro... they should be able to reattach that."
4. "How much longer did those warranties run on your lawnmower, chain saw,
leaf blower, power washer, shovel and hammer?"
5. "There are few things in life I hold dear. One is the image of you in a
Speedo."
6. "Hold my colostomy bag for a second, will ya?"
7. "Get your butt over here, man -- my home Brazilian wax kit finally
arrived!"
8. "Wanna see where I tattooed your name?"
9. "I guess that sort of makes me your dad."
10. "I'm having some magazines from the Netherlands shipped to your house
for me. I hope you don't mind."
11. "Hey! I was just at this really cool Amway presentation. Got a
minute?"
12. "What a day! I've been rounding up and slaughtering flu-infected
poultry all... k-k-KACHOOO!!"
A LOT TO LEARN
A conversation with my wife and two of her girlfriends left me
scratching my head...knowing only this...I'm not going to understand
women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it
onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid
of a spider.
SIGNS YOU ARE ABOUT TO HAVE SEPTUPLETS
1. When listening for fetal heartbeat, doctor hears faint sounds of a game
of water polo.
2. Your womb has more kicks than the Rockettes.
3. On the way to the hospital, your water breaks and your convertible
becomes a mobile hot tub.
4. The turf war between local Pampers and Luvs sales reps is escalating.
5. The fire marshal hassles you about being in violation of maximum
occupancy laws.
6. Other pregnant women: as big as a house.
You: as big as Bill Gates's house.
7. You're dilated to the size of the Lincoln Tunnel and your doctor has
started yodeling.
8. Court order from Disney warning you to avoid copyright infringements
when naming the children.
9. Need to wear an extra watch because your body spans two time zones.
10. Forget about gentle kicks -- your abdomen feels like the mosh pit at
a Green Day concert.
