News anchor Dan Rather, The Reverend Jesse Jackson, NPR reporter
Cokie Roberts, and an American Marine were hiking through the jungle
one day when they were captured by cannibals.
> > >
> > >They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the chief.
The
> > >chief said, "I am familiar with your Western custom of granting the
condemned a last wish. Before we kill and eat you, do you have any
last requests?"
> > >
> > >Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of
hot, spicy chili." The chief nodded to an underling, who left and
returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die
content."
> > >
> > >Jesse Jackson said, "You know, the thing in this life I am proudest
of is my work on behalf of the poor and oppressed. So before I go, I
want to sing "We Shall Overcome" one last time." The chief said, "Go
right ahead, we'relistening." Jackson sang the song, and then said,
"Now I
can
> > >die in peace."
> > >
> > >Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out
my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to
happen. Maybesomeday someone will hear it and know that I was on the
job
> > >till the end."The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape
recorder,
> > >and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die
happy.
> > >
> > >The chief turned and said, "And now, Mr. Marine, what is your final
wish?" "Kick me in the ass," said the Marine. "What?" said the
chief. "Will you mock us in your last hour?" "No, I'm not kidding. I
want
you
> > >to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine. So the chief shoved him
into the open, and kicked him in the ass.
> > >
> > >The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm
pistol from his waistband, and shot the chief dead. In the resulting
confusion,
> > >he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the
cannibals with gunfire. In a flash, the cannibals were dead or
fleeing for their lives.
> > >
> > >As the Marine was untying the others, they asked him, "Why didn't you
just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass?"
> > >
> > >"What!?" said the Marine, "And have you jerks call ME
> > >the aggressor?!"