Andy Borowitz
Definitely the high point of tomorrow's congressional grilling of the Secret Service director will be Republicans trying hard to look like they care about Obama's well-being.
Today 9:44 am
Obama to Move to Doorman Building
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—President Barack Obama has decided to move his family into a full-service doorman building in Washington, D.C., saying that “it just makes more sense right now.”
“It really will work better for us,” Obama said in a press conference Tuesday morning. “In addition to the doorman, there’s a guy at the front desk, and, if anyone comes to see you, the desk guy will call up to your apartment first to make sure it’s O.K.”
The senior doorman at the Obamas’ new building, Alex Kornash, seemed unfazed about providing security for the President. “I’ve been a doorman for twenty-three years,” Kornash said. “Someone doesn’t belong here, you tell them to go away. What’s so hard about that?”
The 2,140-square-foot, three-bedroom condominium that the Obamas will call home includes many amenities, including central air-conditioning, a washer/dryer and all new stainless-steel appliances, according to its real-estate listing.
In addition, when the President makes one of his frequent trips, “there’s someone to take in the mail and water the plants,” he said.
Since the President’s announcement of his move, there has already been considerable interest in the White House, mainly from foreign buyers, sources said.
Oldtimer said:Andy Borowitz
Definitely the high point of tomorrow's congressional grilling of the Secret Service director will be Republicans trying hard to look like they care about Obama's well-being.
Today 9:44 am
Obama to Move to Doorman Building
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—President Barack Obama has decided to move his family into a full-service doorman building in Washington, D.C., saying that “it just makes more sense right now.”
“It really will work better for us,” Obama said in a press conference Tuesday morning. “In addition to the doorman, there’s a guy at the front desk, and, if anyone comes to see you, the desk guy will call up to your apartment first to make sure it’s O.K.”
The senior doorman at the Obamas’ new building, Alex Kornash, seemed unfazed about providing security for the President. “I’ve been a doorman for twenty-three years,” Kornash said. “Someone doesn’t belong here, you tell them to go away. What’s so hard about that?”
The 2,140-square-foot, three-bedroom condominium that the Obamas will call home includes many amenities, including central air-conditioning, a washer/dryer and all new stainless-steel appliances, according to its real-estate listing.
In addition, when the President makes one of his frequent trips, “there’s someone to take in the mail and water the plants,” he said.
Since the President’s announcement of his move, there has already been considerable interest in the White House, mainly from foreign buyers, sources said.
loomixguy said:Then there was the time Hillary was missing in the White House. The SS finally located her in a seldom used bedroom. Hillary was between the sheets with the actress Markie Post.
Andy Borowitz
I normally wouldn't ask this, but this Secret Service thing has me wondering: is anyone guarding our nuclear weapons?
Oldtimer said:I normally wouldn't ask this, but this Secret Service thing has me wondering: is anyone guarding our nuclear weapons?
Brad S said:Hey OT, I started a special thread for that Borowitz stupidity. It's never salient it's not funny. It belongs on it's own crappy thread.