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Origins of man

kolanuraven

Well-known member
Conservative origins
(Keep your sense of humor, boys.)

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the
winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention
of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to
get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern
civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of
humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals

2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can
were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around
waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the
brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what
is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to
live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and
doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the
beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest
became known as girliemen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of
cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of
Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but
like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard
liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and
group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated
hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still
provide for their women.

Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers,
corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who
works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals
believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why
most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and
created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a
Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above
before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so
convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be
forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals
just to piss them off.
 
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