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Paraprosdokian

Soapweed

Well-known member
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising
or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part.

It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Brigade usually uses water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
 

Yanuck

Well-known member
a few more......

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Ø Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Ø I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”

Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. She won’t expect it back.

Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
.
Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

Ø Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Ø If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
 

Faster horses

Well-known member
Instead of 'men' it's more like 'ladies and gentlemen'... :D

Yanuck is a lady... :D

But you would have figured that out sooner or later.
Just thought I'd help! :D :D :D :D
 

burnt

Well-known member
Faster horses said:
Instead of 'men' it's more like 'ladies and gentlemen'... :D

Yanuck is a lady... :D

But you would have figured that out sooner or later.
Just thought I'd help! :D :D :D :D

Ahemmm . . .and Kato? FH, yer slippin"! :wink:
 

Faster horses

Well-known member
Dang, burnt, I thought of that after I posted...so you're kinda right;
I done slipped.... :shock: :lol: :lol: :lol: :p

That 'p' stuff is really funny. I love to laugh. Good job,
ladies and gents!!!!!!!!!
 
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