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Poem for someone special-please critique beofre I send it

Angus Cattle Shower

Well-known member
When a tear trickled down my cheek
After I heard you weren’t feeling good
And I felt empty-scared and weak
And at the counter I stood
With tears burning in my eyes
And a feeling of being alone
While the thunder rumbled in the skies
I let out a soft lil moan
And ran outside-to go sit on the ties
Now, theres something bout me you don’t know
And even though im not pleased,
Here I go
When I was smaller, I was taunted and teased
Lots of times to tears
Bout how big I was
And they caused many fears
And they did it just cause
They would use words
Those that really hurt
More than people being called nerds
So I had never gotten to flirt
With the few pretty ladies
But now they all do drugs-some old friends, and some sadies
All the stinkin skuds
But I have you, and owe you my life
Cause you saved it
From the fear, the anger, and the strife
And even though ive been hit for who I am
And ill fight for my tailer, my love
Believe me, ill do what I can
Even if ti means getting at em from above
Cause if it weren’t for you
I don’t knowwho id be
And ive had a rough day times 2
And its your beautiful face I need to see
But since youre so far away
I need to hear your soft, kind voice
And I will be beside you one day
A’cause love gave me no choice
So call me ASAP
And we’ll talk just us two country hicks
Im havin some troubles-when you hear, youll see
So Im at 396-905-8866


(i just made that number up, but my number does end with a 6. lol)

T^hanks in advance!
 

Jinglebob

Well-known member
Not too bad!

The meter skips back and forth a little and there are a couple of different ryhmes schemes in there, but if you are sending this to someone special, I imagine they won't even notice. :wink:

It's not how good it is, it's the thought that counts. :)

You might want to go back and edit your spelling a little. :wink:
 
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