Casa Paloma
Well-known member
HOW TO SPEAK TO WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT;
1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a 'BREASTED AMERICAN'
2. She is not a 'SCREAMER' or a 'MOANER' - She is 'VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE'
3. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'
4. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'
5. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'
6. She is not an 'AIRHEAD' - She is 'REALITY IMPAIRED.'
7. She does not get "DRUNK' or 'PIPSEY' - She gets 'CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.'
8. She does not have 'BREAST IMPLANTS' - She is 'MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
9. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VEBALLY REPETITIVE.'
10. She is not a 'TRAMP' - She is 'SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.'
11. She is not have 'MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS' - She is 'PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
12. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a 'LOW COST PROVIDER.'
HOW TO SPEAK TO MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'
2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'
3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'
4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'
5. He is not a 'CRADLE ROBBER' - He prefers 'GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.'
6. He does not get 'FALLING-DOWN DRUNK' - He becomes 'ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL'
7. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of 'RECTAL-CRAINAL INVERSION.'
8. He is not a 'MALE CHAUVINIST PIG' - He has 'SWINE EMPATHY.'
9. He is not afraid of 'COMMITMENT' - He is 'RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED.'
10. He is not 'HORNEY' - He is 'SEXUALLY FOCUSED.'
11. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'REAR CLEAVAGE.'
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REDNECK NATIVITY SCENE
An outsider in a small Texas town around Christmas time saw a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. But one small feature was all wrong: the thr4ee wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.
Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, he left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, he asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.
She exploded into a rage, yelling, "You darn Yankees never read your Bibles!" The Outsider assured her that he did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.
She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and riffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in the guy's face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar.'"
1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a 'BREASTED AMERICAN'
2. She is not a 'SCREAMER' or a 'MOANER' - She is 'VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE'
3. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'
4. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'
5. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'
6. She is not an 'AIRHEAD' - She is 'REALITY IMPAIRED.'
7. She does not get "DRUNK' or 'PIPSEY' - She gets 'CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.'
8. She does not have 'BREAST IMPLANTS' - She is 'MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
9. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VEBALLY REPETITIVE.'
10. She is not a 'TRAMP' - She is 'SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.'
11. She is not have 'MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS' - She is 'PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
12. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a 'LOW COST PROVIDER.'
HOW TO SPEAK TO MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'
2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'
3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'
4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'
5. He is not a 'CRADLE ROBBER' - He prefers 'GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.'
6. He does not get 'FALLING-DOWN DRUNK' - He becomes 'ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL'
7. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of 'RECTAL-CRAINAL INVERSION.'
8. He is not a 'MALE CHAUVINIST PIG' - He has 'SWINE EMPATHY.'
9. He is not afraid of 'COMMITMENT' - He is 'RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED.'
10. He is not 'HORNEY' - He is 'SEXUALLY FOCUSED.'
11. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'REAR CLEAVAGE.'
******************************************************
REDNECK NATIVITY SCENE
An outsider in a small Texas town around Christmas time saw a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. But one small feature was all wrong: the thr4ee wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.
Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, he left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, he asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.
She exploded into a rage, yelling, "You darn Yankees never read your Bibles!" The Outsider assured her that he did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.
She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and riffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in the guy's face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar.'"
At least he didn't get too mad at me. :wink: