In “Breaking The War Mentality” every sentence clunks. Obama not only makes scores of basic grammatical errors—these, with practice, he might have learned to correct—but he also fails to turn one lively or concise or even interesting phrase in the entire essay. Here are some samples:
“An entirely student-run organization, SAM casts a wider net than ARA, though for the purposes of effectiveness, they have tried to lock in on one issue at a time.”
“At this time, the current major issue is the Solomon Bill, the latest legislation from Congress to obtain compliance to registration.”
“Perhaps the essential goodness of humanity is an arguable proposition, but by observing the SAM meeting last Thursday night, with its solid turnout and enthusiasm, one might be persuaded that the manifestations of our better instincts can at least match the bad ones.”
We are asked to believe that in just a decade, without any additional training, Obama was able to write sentences like the following from Dreams:
“Winter came and the city turned monochrome-black trees against gray sky above white earth. Night now fell in midafternoon, especially when the snowstorms rolled in, boundless prairie storms that set the sky close to the ground, the city lights reflected against the clouds.”
Please! To put Obama’s talents in perspective, imagine him as a golfer. “Breaking The War Mentality” nets him about a 105 on an easy public course.
Obama plays two more times in the next ten years. His 1988 essay, “Why Organize,” earns him about a 103 on the same course. His unsigned 1990 Harvard Law Review case note chalks in at 99, thanks largely to superior editing.