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Ranchers.net

There was a wee bit of confusion at the store this morning.

When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card.

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!

----------------------------------------------------------

Many years ago, when my 9 year old daughter was 3, we went
to our usual Sunday morning church service. We were seated
and waiting for the service to begin, when this woman walked
by us in a really bright, gaudy dress. My husband, who never
says anything about anyone, even made a comment about how
"loud" the dress was.

After the service was over, we were standing outside the
church chatting with another couple. I couldn't see my
daughter and then I noticed her standing right next to
(practically on top of) the woman with the dress. When I
asked her what she was doing, she said "I'm trying to hear
this dress mom. Dad said it was really loud, but I haven't
heard it make a peep yet."

Everyone within earshot, with the exception of my husband
and the woman in the dress burst out laughing. My husband
wanted to crawl in a hole, and I have to say I never saw
that particular dress worn again.

********************************************

I dialed a number and got the following recording:

"I am not available right now, but
Thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the
Beep. If I do not return your call,
You are one of the changes."

********************************************

My wife and I had words,
But I didn't get to use mine.
~~~~~

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
~~~~~

Blessed are those who can give without remembering
And take without forgetting.
~~~~~


The irony of life is that, by the time
You're old enough to know your way
Around, you're not going anywhere.
~~~~~

God made man before woman so as to give him time to think
Of an answer for her first question.
~~~~~


I was always taught to respect my elders,
But it keeps getting harder to find one.
~~~~~

Every morning is the dawn
of a new error.
~~~~~

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:

"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
~~~~~


An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is couple sex?"

The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer.

Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"

The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple of secs.
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