Here's the revised and official schedule of events for the Democrat National Convention, to be held in Charlotte, North Carolina, from Tuesday to Thursday, September 4th to September 6th, 2012.:
PLEASE NOTE: Race card, gender card, LGBT card or progressive, socialist, communist, fascist or Marxist sympathies or affiliation required for entry to this event (All employees of the major television networks granted immediate entry).
04:00 PM – Opening Flag Burning Ceremony
04:05 PM - 'The Word.. The Word.. The Word' - By Nancy Pelosi
04:06 PM – Singing of "God Damn America", led by Rev. Jeremiah Wright
04:10 PM – 'Pledge of Allegiance to Obama', led by The Obamabots:
04:15 PM – 'I Hate America' Choir, led by Michelle Obama
04:30 PM – Tips on Dodging Sniper Fire – Hillary Clinton
04:45 PM – 'I am Woman', performed by Helen Reddy, Janet Napolitano, Sonia Sotomayor & Elena Kagan
05:00 PM – UFO Abduction Survival – Joe Biden
05:15 PM - Ceremonial Abortion Performed on Sandra Fluke by Planned Parenthood
05:30 PM – Eliot Spitzer & Anthony Weiner Speak on "Family Values" via Satellite
05:45 PM – Tribute to All 57 States, sponsored by Columbia University
06:00 PM – 'Best of Biden's Bloopers' - Joe Biden
06:45 PM - (Intermission)
07:00 PM - 'Best of Biden's Bloopers (Cont'd) - Joe Biden
08:00 PM - Document Forging, Identity Theft & Ghost Writing - Alex Okrent (Replaced by Bill Ayers)
08:30 PM – 'Rite of Arab Spring' (Crucifixion of Christians) performed by Muslim Brotherhood
09:00 PM – Bill Clinton Delivers Rousing Endorsement of Obama Girl
09:15 PM – Tribute Film to Freedom Fighters at GITMO – Michael Moore
09:45 PM – Personal Finance & Tax Seminar - Charlie Rangle & Timothy Geithner
10:00 PM – Denunciation of Bitter Gun Owners in a "Nation of Cowards" - Eric Holder
10:30 PM – Ceremonial Waving of White Flag for Iraq & Afghanistan
11:00 PM – Obama Energy Plan Symposium & Tire Gauge Demonstration, performed by The Solyndras
11:15 PM – 'Free Gov. Blagojevich' rally
11:30 PM – Obama Accepts Tony and Latin Grammy Awards
11:45 PM – Feeding of the Delegates with 5 Loaves and 2 Fish – Obama Presiding
12:00 AM – Official Nomination of Obama by Bill Maher
12:01 AM – Obama Accepts Nomination for Lord and Savior
12:05 AM – Celestial Choirs Sing
03:00 AM – Biden Delivers Acceptance Speech (Big F'ing Deal)