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Ricardo "Rick" Perrry new GOP frontrunner-----!!!!

Who's dumber?

  • rick perry

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • sarah p

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • rush 'stinky' limburger

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • the fat new jersey bridge closing loudmouth hog?

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    0

littlejoe

Well-known member
A winning combination??!!

AUSTIN, Tex. (The Borowitz Report)—With an eye toward a Presidential run in 2016, Rick Perry, the Texas governor, is hoping that a two-pronged strategy of wearing glasses and not speaking will make him appear smarter to voters, aides to the Governor confirmed today.

“After the 2012 Republican primary, we knew that we needed to solve what we called the Governor’s smartness problem,” said Harland Dorrinson, an aide to Perry. “The fix that we came up with was glasses, but, as it turned out, that was only half the solution.”


After outfitting Perry with designer eyewear, aides sent him on the road to reintroduce himself to voters, but the response, Mr. Dorrinson said, was underwhelming: “The problem was, he was still talking.”

A round of focus groups convinced aides that only through a combination of wearing glasses and not emitting any sounds could Perry overcome voters’ initial impressions of him.

At a recent political stop in San Antonio, the newly minted Governor Perry was on display, wearing his glasses and gesticulating expressively while saying nothing for thirty minutes.

“Our focus groups show people no longer know what Rick Perry is thinking,” said Mr. Dorrinson. “That’s a huge improvement.”

Now---if they can get Sarah P onboard----and a permanent muzzle installed on that lil' dim bulb......!!!
 

Larrry

Well-known member
(Borowitz) President obama said today that the economy is improved so much that he can go golfing and vacationing the rest of his term. As and added bonus people now have health insurance with the doctors they always trusted. There is more money in their pockets that they can go out and spend the extra money on junk food and five dollar gas. Oh happy days
On further contemplation by obama he decided to issue an executive order that he will be President eight more years. That way he can take an eight year coffee break
 

ranch hand

Well-known member
You thought that 95% on your Healy paper was impressive.

Think again.

Czar Obama finally reached his enrollment goal for the Affordable Care Act exchanges after their rocky rollout last October. According to revised figures posted earlier this week, 7.5 million Americans have now signed up for the mandatory healthcare bill. 7.5 million out of 313.9 million Americans. This calls for celebration. Pop the champagne, sound the trumpets and throw the confetti, because .000002% of the population just got healthcare! Wow, that’s going to be on the White House refrigerator for a while!


Don’t even bother asking for an image citation.

But don’t get too excited! Only 80% of the people who signed up have actually paid. Paying for health insurance is so last year. When I went to the mean streets of Bellarmine to find out what the people thought, I received answers such as “I honestly couldn’t care less” and “my parents deal with that stuff.”

Now let’s get on to the people who really matter such as the one and only Barack Hussein Obama. The President said that the “law is good for the country, regardless of politics, and that the numbers show Americans want it and that it’s here to stay.”

According to the latest Gallup poll on Obamacare, 54% of Americans view it unfavorably and 43% view it favorably. Do they teach math at Harvard?
 

ranch hand

Well-known member
Speaking to a group of awestruck Chinese citizens, Michelle Obama recounted her years of oppression as a victim of racism and how she survived the American extermination camps.

"There were laws in America that discriminated against people like me because of the color of our skin," said Michelle. A sharp inward gasp was heard as the interpreter finished her comment in Mandarin.

Still haunted by laws that were no longer in effect when she was born, Michelle outlined her plight as she endured racism in Princeton University, and narrowly escaped death at Harvard Law School. Tears were seen streaming down the cheeks of some of the visibly moved Chinese citizens.

Michelle_Obama_Princeton_Prison.jpg
Women in her audience especially were deeply touched as the First Lady revealed how she had to live paycheck to paycheck as a hospital administrator with a meager six digit income.

"Sometimes we had to say no to caviar, or no to a really expensive Italian sports car because we just couldn't afford it," Michelle Obama recalled, her voice breaking, as one Chinese woman fainted and another one began sobbing uncontrollably.

However, when Michelle recalled the glorious day when her husband was chosen as the Democrat Party candidate for president - the day when she was proud of her country for the first time in her adult life - triumphant cheers broke out and she received a standing ovation.

Audience interviews showed just how significantly impressed the Chinese people were with the story of the First Lady's painful ordeal. One young woman said, "Michelle give me hope that someday I make something of self. I not know how many opportunity I have in China until I hear how bad America be to black women."

Another woman, who attended with her daughter, wiped away tears as she admitted, "I wish my other two children be with me to hear inspiring speech by so great woman, but number two child and number three child aborted by state. Still, I not know how good I have it until I hear how she suffer so big."

An elderly man, who was leaning on an off-brand cane, also wished more could have been present. "If only more than eleven of my village survive Great Leap Forward, then more could hear elegant speech. I so happy state let me live to hear how bad America, and now I can die."

After a brief time of handshakes, hugs, and selfies, Michelle Obama went on to continue her tour and spread her message of hope, made possible by statism.
 

Larrry

Well-known member
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