SISTERDALE TEXAS

[Beefman]

"]........I got spruced up and headed for the water hole......as soon as I sat down I could tell some thing was going on,Ole elmo had the damndest smirk on his face and was looking at the rest of the boys,and every one was smiling but not saying a word.........She came out of the Ladies room,and she was a knockout...........Her names Carol...........How do you know her name and why have you been keeping this lil secret from your best friend?................Big blue eyes, blonde and a divorcee in her late thirties to maybe early fourties,and very friendly..................And I have to agree ,that girl started licking my ears,and my knee's got weak,almost fell down on the dance floor..............

Hmmmmmmmmm........something doesn't sound quite right here. Do you remember that Moe Bandy / Joe Stampley song from the early 80's called "Where's the Dress"? Wasn't that song about a situation like this? Remember the line...."and then I swung her around a little to fast, and the wig fell off, and she was a he."

Sounds to me like Ole Elmo is quite the prankster Haymaker.

Beefman

How dare you insinuate a pretty lil canadian hussie be anything but a woman especially with two small children,what are those packers doing to you up there,that make you insult one of Canada's finest?I'M begining to wonder about you beef girl, every time I read your posts you have men on your mind,would you please state your gender?And don't try any of this 50/50 stuff,being a packer employee doesnt give you the right to be male one day female the next...........good luck

Haymaker: stand by while I make a note to myself.

Self, Remember the next time that Haymaker cooks up a fairy tale involving himself and an attractive woman.....let him go and have his fun. Save your bullets for the other fairy tales he dreams up involving captive supply, inflated R Calf membership numbers, and COOL.

There's not enought imported Seagrams, Canadian Club or Canadian Mist in south TX for this story to make sense, much less have an attractive woman involved.

Also don't let it bother you when he pins the packer label on you......his way of saying he's out of gas.

Mrs. Beefman wouldn't appreciate his other comments. Remember how easily that fiesty little woman stomped a stock pond in the last wise guy. Good thing I got her for the light loads.

Beefman

 

[HAY MAKER]

Hatstack couldn't handle a Canadian woman anyways-they only go for 'real' men not 'legends in their own mind'. Do you have an imaginary friend too-one who tells you how smart you are-maybe a Leo McDonnell bobblehead. What a wingnut!!!

Its true nortern whiner,I got me a good looking canadian hussie,and I suspect she will be giving me "french" lessons pretty soon,and I dont think you would know a real man if he bit you in the ass.You wanna see a real man ,bring your chicken sh*t butt down here ta TX,ILL have you yelping like a curr dog in short order.MY imaginary friend's are registered on this forum,just dont care to post I reckon,maybe this fall when we 're in the barns..................good luck PS what happened to the Hay maker boycott?what a dumb idea from a nit wit

 

[Northern Rancher]

Our eyes met as I washed the Texas dust down with a watery fluid that passes as beer. Her one good tooth caught a sparkle from the 60 watt bulb over the dance floor. A thin trickle of copenhagen trickled down her cleavage as she wiped her mouth with her well haired arm. She spoke-"Damn yer pretty boy-you must be a tourist. I need a real man-a man who can drink whiskey,see straight and keep his facts straight." Damn I could pass for Haymaker if I got a lobotomy.

 

[Tam]

Well at least this little fariy tale had nothing to do with a womans fancy panties but it really isn't any more believable Haymaker Keep trying. When you come up with a story that ends with you getting slapped for a rude comment thats the one I will believe. :wink:

 

[Jessie]

I am a bit lost here.....no one believes the story, but what is hard to believe?

1) Haymaker has a chance with a hot woman
2) a Canadian woman was in Texas
or
3) there are good looking women from Canada?

Hey on the third one buddy.... can't be that one. Cause damn straight Canada has good looking women.......grrrrrrrrrr

 

[HAY MAKER]

Our eyes met as I washed the Texas dust down with a watery fluid that passes as beer. Her one good tooth caught a sparkle from the 60 watt bulb over the dance floor. A thin trickle of copenhagen trickled down her cleavage as she wiped her mouth with her well haired arm. She spoke-"Damn yer pretty boy-you must be a tourist. I need a real man-a man who can drink whiskey,see straight and keep his facts straight." Damn I could pass for Haymaker if I got a lobotomy.

You dont need no lobotomy,you do just fine like you are ,miserable ole canuckle head,that would like to see ole Hay Maker put in his place,just can't figger out how to do it ................good luck & good nite

 

[Northern Rancher]

Haystack run this by her 'Voulez vous couchez avec mois ce sois' see how enamoured of you she really is. Haven't you heard the saying 'The man who brags the most-is getting the least.' Maybe we could make a film of your life-wonder who we could get to play you-I bet 'PeeWee' Herman would look just like you in a cowboy hat. By the way real men don't try and bite other men in the butt-at least not in Canada.

 

[Northern Rancher]

Tooo funny!!!!! Look Haystack I'm shaking lol. I can hardly type I'm sooo scared nooo wait I'm laughing too hard.

 

[Anonymous]

The earlickin' was more than Ol' Hayseed's heart could handle. He tried not to compare his new found love to the only other women he'd ever been with. He knew his sister wouldn't appreciate that. Hayeed was about ready to give in and plant a big wet kiss on the earlickin' hussie of his dreams. Would this be the night he'd always dreamed of? Hayseed mustered up all the courage he had as he puckered up and leaned forward kissing her long wet tongue. She responded with a low growl and gagging sound.

As the bar room smoke started to clear, something didn't look quite right through his Jose' Quervo eyes. Oh my god, it was the bartender's golden retriever that had been licking his ears while the Canadian hussie was busy shootin' pool across the room.

He smacked the still gagging dog and struggled to his feet. Before he would cross the room he knew he would have to come up with a one liner that nobody could duplicate. As a lightbuld went off in his head, he staggered over to the pool table and with a soft Texas drawl he whispered the most intelligent thing he could think of, "WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE MY FINAL OFFER OR THE HIGHEST BID"? The Canadian hussie turned and slapped Ol' Hayseed along side the head as she started to smile. "NICE TOOTH" Hayseed replied. "I'm sorry" he continued, "I was just so awestruck with your ugly that I just went and made a complete Sandhusker out of myself".

With that line, it looked like Hayseed might be gaining ground with his new found love. As he started to regain his courage Hayseed finally asked her the icebreaker, "would you like to buy me a drink" he asked? "Sure" came the reply.

After the Canadian hussie finished her game of pool she waddled over to where Hayseed was anxiously awaiting. "Do you come here often" Hayseed asked? "I own the place" came her response. "Oh, I guess I didn't know that" replied Hayseed somewhat embarrased.

The two continued making small talk and before they knew it, they found themselves alone. "Would you like to go someplace quiet" Hayseed asked. "I thought you'd never ask" came the reply. As they staggered towards the door Hayseed stopped and said, "you first". "How sweet" replied the Hussie. "Well I just wasn't sure we would both fit" came Hayseed's reply.

"Where's your ride" asked the Hussie in her sweet baritone voice. Right Thar replied Hayseed pointing to a broken down Kenworth pulling a potload of hogs. "What's that awful smell" asked the Hussie? "Sorry, haven't had time to shower for a couple days" replied Hayseed. "No, it's not you, I mean the smell coming from your rig" she said. "Damn" replied Hayseed, "I forgot about them thar hogs". "Would you mind riding along as I take them back to the neighbor's place?" "I guess not" came her reply.

Hayseed winched her into the cab and fired the ole Kenworth up. As they headed down the road, Hayseed contemplated his next move. Hayseed reached over and started stroking her hair. "Your hair's so soft" said Hayseed. "Would you get your paws out of my armpits" replied the Hussie. "Sorry" said Hayseed. She was everything he'd dreamed of.

The suspense of the evening was killing Hayseed.........as they were about to reach their destination Hayseed started hearing a familiar voice.........."hayseed".........."HAYseed"........"HAYSEED, WAKE UP MY LITTLE PUMPKIN HEAD"..............to which Hayseed awoke to the sight of his mother leaning over his bed and reality that the whole thing had been a dream.

"DAMN" said Hayseed. "What's for Breakfast ma?"



~SH~

 

[Faster horses]

SH, you outdid yourself on that one!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Manitoba_Rancher]

SH,

That was hillarious! I almost fell off my chair I was laughing so hard!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: 8)

 

[Big Muddy rancher]

Who said truth wasn't stranger than fiction. :lol2: :lol2: :cowboy:

 

[redriver]

SH, you even made the redriver flow a little smoother this morning.

 

[fedup2]

I got this story in an e-mail a couple of years ago. I figure I would help poor Haymaker out with it & made a few changes.

One evening last week, Haymaker & his wife were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like
it, I just want you to hold me."

Haymaker said "WHAT????!!!

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to
hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to his puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night he went to sleep.

The very next day Haymaker opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dept. store.
He walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so he told her we'll just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so he said lets get a pair for each outfit.

They went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought he was one wave short of a shipwreck. He started to think she was testing him because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

He thought he threw her for a loop when he said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier".

Haymaker could hardly contain himself when he blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!"

Haymaker then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for
awhile...You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough
for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill him he added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?
Apparently Haymaker's not having sex tonight either.

 

[the_jersey_lilly_2000]

Now THATS the reason women don't wanna take their hubby's shoppin with em. !!!! right there...that's funny...n I dont care who ya are!!!!