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SOOOOOOO, WHAT DO YOU HAVE GUTS OR BALLS??

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katrina

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We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
definition for each is listed below.

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:
"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife
on the ass and having the balls to say: "You're next".



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HAY MAKER

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katrina,I hope the guy with the balls?understands how temporary they can be :D :D ..............good luck
 

katrina

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Haymaker, I was thinking the same thing... Reminds me of a true story of a gal who caught her husband messing around and she and her sister tried to neuter hin with just her very long fingernails and maybe a pair of scissors(little fuzzy on that part) Anyway he got to bleeding real bad and being a prominant man in town didin't want to go to the hospital so they called the vet. He told them to go take a flying leap. He ended up in the hospital and almost died.... :roll:
 

HAY MAKER

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Hate to put poor ole Roscoe on the spot but,........what would become of him if he decided he had balls? :D :D :D ..........good luck
 
A

Anonymous

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katrina said:
Haymaker, I was thinking the same thing... Reminds me of a true story of a gal who caught her husband messing around and she and her sister tried to neuter hin with just her very long fingernails and maybe a pair of scissors(little fuzzy on that part) Anyway he got to bleeding real bad and being a prominant man in town didin't want to go to the hospital so they called the vet. He told them to go take a flying leap. He ended up in the hospital and almost died.... :roll:

I heard of one gal that waited til he passed out and then superglued his lower appendage to his leg :eek: ........
 
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There was this local Norwegian fella we'll call Lars. Lars came home late one evening and he found his wife Lena and his best friend Swen lets say intertwined. Lars runs to the other room, grabs his pistol and comes back with the pistol pointed at his own head. Lena and Swen start laughing uncontrollably, so Lars says, "what are you two laughing at, you're next!"

:roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:
 

HAY MAKER

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Ole staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking
buddy, Sven. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Tina. He
tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their
upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step As he caught
himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed
heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and
made
the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Ole sprung up,
pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his
butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to
quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as
best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost
empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the
morning, Ole woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and
Tina staring at him from across the room. She said, "You were drunk
again last night weren't you Ole?" Ole said, " Why you say such a mean
ting?" "Well," Tina said, "it could be the open front door, it could
be
the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of
blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but
mostly... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror
 

Mike

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Guts and Balls ain't worth a toot without the necessary tools.

Remember the "Bobbit" guy from a few years back?
 

PureCountry

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How about the guy that sneaks in real quiet from the bar, finds his wife snoring with her mouth open. So, knowing she always has an excuse, he drops two Tylenol in her mouth. She wakes up, gagging and choking, hollering, "What the hell was that?"

He says, "Two Tylenol."

She says, "What for? I ain't gotta headache!!"

He responds, "Great!! Let's get at it then!!"

:p :p :wink:
 

HAY MAKER

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PureCountry said:
How about the guy that sneaks in real quiet from the bar, finds his wife snoring with her mouth open. So, knowing she always has an excuse, he drops two Tylenol in her mouth. She wakes up, gagging and choking, hollering, "What the hell was that?"

He says, "Two Tylenol."

She says, "What for? I ain't gotta headache!!"

He responds, "Great!! Let's get at it then!!"

:p :p :wink:
:shock: :D :D :D ...............good luck
 

Jinglebob

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Very funny! Guess I got both cuz they both sound like a heck of a good idea to me. 'Course I never go out with the guys, so I'm only guessing here! :wink:
 

Soapweed

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This is a true story. A branding was in full progress, with the crew hard at work. A rancher noticed that his daughter and her partner were wrestling every calf that came their way, and were doing a very good job. His son, on the other hand, seemed to be propped up against the fence acting like he was keeping it from falling over. The rancher sized up the situation and drawled to his neighbor, "Looks like they hung the balls on the wrong one." :shock: :wink: :)
 

James

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Hey Katrina I remember that one, they used a pair of scissors to try and do the work with. Made for interesting conversation in the coffee shop for sure
 

Saddletramp

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Yeah..... I remember that Bobbit deal ......

They said she was crazy....
But he was just NUTS. :lol: :lol: :lol: :shock:
 

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