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The haircut and liberals

Faster horses

Well-known member
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week". The florist is pleased and leaves the shop.
Next morning when the barber goes to open there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot take money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop.
Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card and a dozen different books such as "How to Improve Your Business" and "Becoming More Successful."

Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his Bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between left and right.

God Bless America!
 

schnurrbart

Well-known member
Faster horses said:
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week". The florist is pleased and leaves the shop.
Next morning when the barber goes to open there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot take money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop.
Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card and a dozen different books such as "How to Improve Your Business" and "Becoming More Successful."

Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his Bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between left and right.

God Bless America!

Unfortunately, the following are NOT jokes but I truly wish they were.

1) "My answer is bring 'em on." —President George W. Bush, challenging militants attacking U.S. forces in Iraq, July 2, 2003 (Source)

2) "I think they're in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency." --Vice President Dick Cheney, on the Iraq insurgency, June 20, 2005 (Source)

3) "As you know, you go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time." —Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, responding to a U.S. soldier serving in Iraq who asked him why troops had to dig through scrap metal to armor vehicles, Dec.

4) "My belief is we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators." –Vice President Dick Cheney, "Meet the Press," March 16, 2003 (Source)

5) "F**k Saddam, we're taking him out." –President Bush to three U.S. Senators in March 2002, a full year before the Iraq invasion (Source)

6) "Ladies and gentlemen, these are not assertions. These are facts, corroborated by many sources, some of them sources of the intelligence services of other countries." –Secretary of State Colin Powell, testifying about Iraq's chemical, biological, and nuclear weapons capabilities before the United Nations Security Council, Feb. 5, 2003 (Source)

7) "Freedom's untidy, and free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things." –Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld on looting in Iraq after the U.S. invasion, adding "stuff happens," April 11, 2003 (Source)

8) "Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed." –President Bush, standing under a "Mission Accomplished" banner on the USS Lincoln aircraft carrier, May 2, 2003 (Source)

9) "It's hard to conceive that it would take more forces to provide stability in post-Saddam Iraq than it would take to conduct the war itself and to secure the surrender of Saddam’s security forces and his army. Hard to imagine." –Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz, testifying before the House Budget Committee prior to the Iraq war, Feb. 27, 2003 (Source)

10) "From a marketing point of view, you don't roll out new products in August." --White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card, on why the Bush administration waited until after Labor Day to try to sell the American people on war against Iraq, "New York Times" interview, Sept. 7, 2002 (Source)
 

schnurrbart

Well-known member
Republican Beliefs
Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's drunk driving record and cocaine arrest are none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

Clinton's business interests in the 1970s in which he lost money are of vital national interest, but Bush's activities in the 1980s in which he made money under questionable circumstances is unimportant.
 

schnurrbart

Well-known member
And another one--or two or three.


Moses meets George W

George W. Bush was out walking when he saw Moses.
"Hey, Moses! STOP!!" he yelled. But Moses walked on, ignoring him. After a few blocks, Bush caught up with him. "Moses, why didn't you stop and talk to me?" asked Bush. "Well,"

Moses replied, "the last time I talked to a bush, I wandered the desert for 40 years."


George W Bush Campaign Spending

During the Republican primaries, George W. Bush spent his campaign money at a rate of $200,000 a day and broke Bob Dole's record for most money spent on an entire presidential campaign. He's spending money so fast, a national organization of scorned women has made him an honorary ex-wife.


Top Ten Items On George W. Bush's To-Do List

10. Hook up nuclear launch button to The Clapper.
9. Authorize new presidential anthem: "Hail to the Chad."
8. Send message to Wheaties people: "Hey guys, how about it? My face, your box."
7. Order copy of "Presidents for Dummies."
6. Keep distance from Cheney...don't want to catch heart disease.
5. Start mending fences with Democrats...appoint Gore "Secretary of Losers."
4. Avoid smoking any cigars left behind by Clinton.
3. Deliver memorable speech at inauguration: "I have a dream...then I wake up."
2. As soon as possible, have transitional team meet with Martin Sheen.
1. Now that all the bickering is over, gracefully bow out of race.

Last one.


Bush/Gore Settle

Gore calls up Bush and says, "Hey, let's settle this Australian Style."
Bush asks, "How's that?"

Gore says, "First you stand there, and I kick you in the nuts as hard as I can." Then it's your turn. Whoever quits first is the loser.

Bush says, "OK, stands there," and is completely knocked over by Gore.

After 10 minutes, Bush stands up, and groans, "Alright, my turn."

Gore then replies, "It's all right, you can be president."
 

passin thru

Well-known member
I don't mind cute answers, but you would think the libs could come up with something new................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
 

jigs

Well-known member
http://www.maglavais.ro/articole/creatie/cine_are_cea_mai_stylish_mustat_.html


sherberts family website.....
 

schnurrbart

Well-known member
iowahawkeyes said:
Let me just get this straight, are you saying you're a Democrat? :D

Hey, did Iowa beat Indiana this afternoon? I think they were ahead but I was watching SIU and Wichita State and I missed the final.
 

schnurrbart

Well-known member
movin' on said:
Any son of a gun that can grow a mustache like those gets a tip of the hat from me!

Technically, most of those were also beards incorporated into it. They were great for sure. Don't think I have enough time to do something like that though. I'll just stay with what I have.
 

jigs

Well-known member
schnurrbart said:
movin' on said:
Any son of a gun that can grow a mustache like those gets a tip of the hat from me!

Technically, most of those were also beards incorporated into it. They were great for sure. Don't think I have enough time to do something like that though. I'll just stay with what I have.

I thought you were retired, living off of us working stiffs.... what else is there for you to do???
 

IL Rancher

Well-known member
Why do I think this dude is dessed like a lady?

mustache_championship_3.jpg
 

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