hypocritexposer
Well-known member
Victor J, Massad, Ph.D. is a semi-retired professor of marketing & business at a Pennsylvania college.
From the vantage point of one who has studied marketing for many years, I see genius in Obama’s domestic policy. Others may see a convoluted mess of mounting debt, bankrupt car companies, and healthcare on the brink of disaster.
Small-minded people are incapable of grasping the complex opportunities and cost-savings that arise when the synergistic effects of seemingly disparate policies are brought into being. That is why we need the all-benevolent,, all-knowing One to guide us through this current morass and deliver us to the promised land.
For example, has anyone considered the health care cost savings that will result from all of us being forced to drive the new Government Motors Obamamobiles? Currently, there are around 6.5 million car accidents per year in the United States, resulting in 2.9 million injuries and 42 thousand deaths.
Good news!
With the new energy-efficient Obamamobiles, we will reduce the number of injuries to near zero, saving billions of dollars in injury-related medical expenses. Yes, some of these savings will be offset by the new Roadkill Czar who will oversee a new department in charge of scraping tissue from the grills of 18-wheelers, but the cost of this new department will be minimal by comparison to our current wasteful spending on triage, surgery and rehabilitation.
The president’s critics are also failing to consider the possibilities that arise when there is a single entity, particularly one as kind-hearted and farsighted as the federal government, in charge of three industries at once. What American wouldn’t want to drive a car with an ATM and blood pressure monitor built right in? The new GM Obamamobile will continually monitor the health of the driver and at the sign of any potential health problem it will drive itself to the waiting lines for rationed health care.
If the occupant is unfortunate enough to die while in line, the vehicle will automatically, conveniently transfer his assets to the Internal Revenue Service, saving the bereaved the cumbersome paperwork involved when a loved one dies. It will be the first car in history with an ACORN button on the dashboard that allows the driver to register as a Democrat as often as he likes.
Of course, because of the transparency and openness that is the hallmark of this administration, we can be assured that there will be no connection between the health monitoring feature and the voter registration feature of the vehicle; unless, of course, the customer requests it.
This is just the tip of the iceberg. Think of the promotion and distribution possibilities. How about turning all of the empty automobile dealerships across America into shiny new Health Car Banks where the customer can refinance her backward mortgage, buy a new car and get a partial birth abortion all in one convenient location? Think of the savings that can result by efficiently managing human resources in such a place. When the health clinic side is slow, the nurses turn into bank tellers and the doctors sell cars. Some customers might balk at the prospect of a car salesman removing prostates, but in the end won’t that help to solve the rationing problem? This is the sheer genius that most Americans are not intelligent enough to grasp.
Some might wonder how such an enterprise can compete with the private sector. I ask you. Can Toyota offer a free mammogram with every test drive? Can the First Bank of Des Moines afford to wipe every customer’s existing debt off the books, give him a new loan to buy a car, administer a tetanus shot, and then go into the back room and print a bag load of new money for the customer to take home and enjoy until inflation renders it worthless? I don’t think so.
What better spokesperson for the budding new enterprise than The One himself? Think Lee Iacocca meets Dr. Phil meets Phil Rizzuto.
With the aid of a teleprompter, of course. Our illustrious president can use his acute skills in persuasion to demonstrate that this is a new era, not tied to the past, when cars were designed by automotive engineers and prescriptions were written by professional physicians. Such narrow-minded thinking is what got us into this mess. No, what we need is to be open to the possibilities that might occur if we cast aside the shackles of our imagined constraints. Translation: there will be but one car designer, one drug prescriber, one loan arranger -- and it will have to be someone who is omniscient in the extreme. Any nominations?
In the interest of full disclosure, the new government advertising will need some minor disclaimers at the end. The impact of the disclosures can be mitigated with pleasant video of a typical American driving down the highway without a care in the world, his car full of money, his teeth glistening from the free Obamacare cleaning, driving toward a certain and prosperous future. Underneath, the announcer says:
“Results may vary. Do not drive the Obamamobile if you treasure your freedom, own a handgun, invest in corporate bonds or are racially insensitive. Persons who desire upward mobility may experience certain side effects, such as dizziness, hysteria, nausea or long-term depression. Caution should be taken as exposure to the Obamamobile may cause the user to become lethargic and unproductive. Operation of the vehicle may result in the driver being overcome with fear, propelling the user to continually vote Democrat in election after election. This is normal, and no cause for alarm. In certain instances, misuse of the vehicle has resulted in user being shipped to San Francisco for re-education.
Any resemblance between this vehicle and the Zaporozhets is purely coincidental.”
From the vantage point of one who has studied marketing for many years, I see genius in Obama’s domestic policy. Others may see a convoluted mess of mounting debt, bankrupt car companies, and healthcare on the brink of disaster.
Small-minded people are incapable of grasping the complex opportunities and cost-savings that arise when the synergistic effects of seemingly disparate policies are brought into being. That is why we need the all-benevolent,, all-knowing One to guide us through this current morass and deliver us to the promised land.
For example, has anyone considered the health care cost savings that will result from all of us being forced to drive the new Government Motors Obamamobiles? Currently, there are around 6.5 million car accidents per year in the United States, resulting in 2.9 million injuries and 42 thousand deaths.
Good news!
With the new energy-efficient Obamamobiles, we will reduce the number of injuries to near zero, saving billions of dollars in injury-related medical expenses. Yes, some of these savings will be offset by the new Roadkill Czar who will oversee a new department in charge of scraping tissue from the grills of 18-wheelers, but the cost of this new department will be minimal by comparison to our current wasteful spending on triage, surgery and rehabilitation.
The president’s critics are also failing to consider the possibilities that arise when there is a single entity, particularly one as kind-hearted and farsighted as the federal government, in charge of three industries at once. What American wouldn’t want to drive a car with an ATM and blood pressure monitor built right in? The new GM Obamamobile will continually monitor the health of the driver and at the sign of any potential health problem it will drive itself to the waiting lines for rationed health care.
If the occupant is unfortunate enough to die while in line, the vehicle will automatically, conveniently transfer his assets to the Internal Revenue Service, saving the bereaved the cumbersome paperwork involved when a loved one dies. It will be the first car in history with an ACORN button on the dashboard that allows the driver to register as a Democrat as often as he likes.
Of course, because of the transparency and openness that is the hallmark of this administration, we can be assured that there will be no connection between the health monitoring feature and the voter registration feature of the vehicle; unless, of course, the customer requests it.
This is just the tip of the iceberg. Think of the promotion and distribution possibilities. How about turning all of the empty automobile dealerships across America into shiny new Health Car Banks where the customer can refinance her backward mortgage, buy a new car and get a partial birth abortion all in one convenient location? Think of the savings that can result by efficiently managing human resources in such a place. When the health clinic side is slow, the nurses turn into bank tellers and the doctors sell cars. Some customers might balk at the prospect of a car salesman removing prostates, but in the end won’t that help to solve the rationing problem? This is the sheer genius that most Americans are not intelligent enough to grasp.
Some might wonder how such an enterprise can compete with the private sector. I ask you. Can Toyota offer a free mammogram with every test drive? Can the First Bank of Des Moines afford to wipe every customer’s existing debt off the books, give him a new loan to buy a car, administer a tetanus shot, and then go into the back room and print a bag load of new money for the customer to take home and enjoy until inflation renders it worthless? I don’t think so.
What better spokesperson for the budding new enterprise than The One himself? Think Lee Iacocca meets Dr. Phil meets Phil Rizzuto.
With the aid of a teleprompter, of course. Our illustrious president can use his acute skills in persuasion to demonstrate that this is a new era, not tied to the past, when cars were designed by automotive engineers and prescriptions were written by professional physicians. Such narrow-minded thinking is what got us into this mess. No, what we need is to be open to the possibilities that might occur if we cast aside the shackles of our imagined constraints. Translation: there will be but one car designer, one drug prescriber, one loan arranger -- and it will have to be someone who is omniscient in the extreme. Any nominations?
In the interest of full disclosure, the new government advertising will need some minor disclaimers at the end. The impact of the disclosures can be mitigated with pleasant video of a typical American driving down the highway without a care in the world, his car full of money, his teeth glistening from the free Obamacare cleaning, driving toward a certain and prosperous future. Underneath, the announcer says:
“Results may vary. Do not drive the Obamamobile if you treasure your freedom, own a handgun, invest in corporate bonds or are racially insensitive. Persons who desire upward mobility may experience certain side effects, such as dizziness, hysteria, nausea or long-term depression. Caution should be taken as exposure to the Obamamobile may cause the user to become lethargic and unproductive. Operation of the vehicle may result in the driver being overcome with fear, propelling the user to continually vote Democrat in election after election. This is normal, and no cause for alarm. In certain instances, misuse of the vehicle has resulted in user being shipped to San Francisco for re-education.
Any resemblance between this vehicle and the Zaporozhets is purely coincidental.”