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the squeeze chute

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jodywy

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Putting the SQUEEZE on love

>by Gary Hodgson

>

>I recently stumbled onto what probably is the most important discovery

>of our century. It's nothing insignificant like the fountain of youth,

>a cure for the common cold or intelligent life on Mars (or in

>Washington DC). Nope, I've really discovered something.

>

>I've discovered the secret to a long, happy marriage.

>If couples contemplating marriage will follow my directions, they will

>know immediately if they are marrying the right person. My secret?

>

>A SQUEEZE CHUTE!

>

>Yep, those hinged, noisy, finger-pinching, knuckle-rappin', labor

>saving devices mark the hidden path to marital bliss.

>

>Forget showers for the prospective bride that only give her the

>impression that her towels will always match and her life will always

>have a place for a cappuccino machine. Discontinue bachelor parties

>where the groom gets the idea he'll still be able to get together with

>his buddies once in a while to have a wild "boys night out" without

>suffering dire consequences.

>

>Instead of these time-honored and totally misleading traditions, here's

>my plan. Weeks before the wedding, before the invitations have been

>printed and the church reserved, assemble the bride, groom, and about

>70 uncooperative crossbred cows and one of the industry's best squeeze

>chutes. The goal: With no outside help, let the two lovebirds process

>the cattle through the chute. Once this has been done, if they're

>still speaking to each other, this marriage will last. In short, all

>the problems a couple can encounter in life will be addressed right

>then and there.

>

>First, there's the question of authority. Who will be in charge? The

>boss, you see, gets to run the chute.

>The submissive partner brings the cattle up the alley to the chute.

>

>Once that issue has been addressed, there's the question of

>forgiveness. There'll be one old cow that does not want to go up the

>alley to the chute. She fights, bellers, and flings all kinds of

>bodily fluids over the one trying to coax her up the alleyway.

>Finally, after risking life and limb, the cow charges up the alley and

>right out of the chute. The "boss" on the head gate will likely miss

>her. How's the old forgiveness test going?

>

>Also there are lessons concerning compatibility to be learned. An

>aggressive "type A" personality on the chute won't be satisfied with

>the performance of a laid back "type B" bringing the cattle up.

>Hollering "more cattle" about 11 times usually brings a premature halt

>to the test proceedings.

>

>I know this system works. Not that long a go, I helped my oldest

>daughter and her husband work cattle at their feedlot. I was impressed

>at how well they worked together all day long. (He runs the chute; she

>always has one ready to enter). Those two will make it way past

>Valentine's Day.

>

>My first wife and I worked cattle together. That's probably why I must

>distinguish between first and second when speaking of wives. My

>present partner in life and love helped me put 400 yearling heifers

>through a schute on one of our dates. Any gal who could stand that is

>okay by my book. I ran the chute, but she told me how. That's pretty

>much still our system and it's a good one.

>

>So, the next time you see a couple looking all gooey-eyed at each

>other, don't buy them a toaster; get 'em a "Powder River" squeeze chute

>instead!
 

baling wire

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Got the Mrs. a new Hi-Qual last year for our anaversary. Honestly she was overjoyed as I didnt know I was so many nasty things while working cattle. We still have a few name calling events but when we leave the area it all stays there and we joke at night about it.
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

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or being the driver pullin somethin home from who knows how far away....and him not puttin the brakes on soon enuff or hard enuff to suit me.....that went on for about 15 miles..me tryin to make turns goin at what felt like too fast.....finally when we got to our lil back roads.....I decided, (and hollered out the window) "Buddy, you wanna play sling shot...lets play sling shot...!!!!) So next turn when he put on the brakes.....I poured the gas to it.....Did that the rest of the way home....by about the third turn...I think he started studyin the side mirror....he knew I was mad. LOL
 

Been There

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I learned long ago to be mighty careful what I said and how I said it when my wife or daughter was helping me sort cattle. There was a few times I ended up as a one man sorting crew.
 

Jinglebob

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I've never heard the missus say a harsh word to me, when we were working cows. But then.................I'm deaf! :lol:

She did take the boys and leave me one time. I had it coming. I think she misunderstood what I was calling a cow and thought I was talking about her!

Dad always seemed to think you had to be shouting when working cattle. It's a hard thing to try and not do, when it was drilled into you at a young age.

But I try.

By the way, the missus did give me a jolt with a hotshot, before we were married. I decided that the best revenge was to marry her and let her suffer for years and years! :lol:
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

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hmmmm ....does a jolt with a hot shot have any affect after marriage???

And speakin from the other side...and bein the one that always gets to work the chute....there have been times that I've come right out and told him....."ya know, I can load up and go to the house" (I've only actually done it once while workin cows) We don't holler when we work cows, just gets em stirred up more. But sometimes just to be heard over the bellerin of the cows you hafta raise your voice to be heard from across the pens.
With this new set of workin pens that we've built tho, it really makes a difference in the level of calmness we all have while workin, things work smoother all around.

still wanna know tho about the affect a hot shot would git me hehehehe
 

jodywy

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I learned long ago to be mighty careful what I said and how I said it when my wife or daughter was helping me sort cattle. There was a few times I ended up as a one man sorting crew.
I can not say a word and my wife will look at me and say stop yelling...
 

PureCountry

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My wife and I got through many brandings and processings before getting married, then the 1st time after we were married, my Dad was there and got beatin on our heifers w/a big stick. I got all riled and told him to go to the house, then I was mad all day. After an hour or so of me hollerin and bein cranky, the wife had had enough and gave me a shot in the arse w/the prod. I swung around wild mad hollerin, "What the Hell'd ya do that for??!!??"

She calmly replied, "Keep it up and those'll be the only sparks between us for a loonngg time." :lol:

Ever since we've done it like we're used to, and supposed to...calm and cool, even if it takes a little longer. Easier on the hiney too. :lol:
 

Hanta Yo

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I am so verrrry happy to know I'm not the only one.

Today is a day to go down in history. I got to choose what to take to drag a pickup home (the tractor) and I got to choose to drive the tractor. VOILA! No fuss, no muss, no screaming. Guess hubby really is trying to make things less volatile by letting me do some choosing. Thanks, Hubby!! :lol: :lol: 8) Least stressful vehicle pulling I've EVER done! :shock: :shock: :D :D :D
 

Hanta Yo

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Took me a bit, to find this thread. I have a poem that was in the newspaper a few years back, I have it in one of my recipe books. I was looking at it the other day and it reminded me of this thread. I may have posted this earlier this year, my mind is going.....

"Justice"
By JoAnn H. Ward
Arbon, Idaho

"Come help me Hon,
to sort some cows,
I'll meet you at the gate.
I know yer goin' into town.
But this won't make you late."

"You'll have to ride
the brown mare.
Yers has pulled up lame.
I know you two don't get along,
But she'll work just the same."

I swung up and headed out,
She gave a jump or two.
"Don't pull her head
around like that.
No wonder she don't like you."

"Keep yer feet out of her ribs,
And yer weight up off her back.
Ease up on the bit some,
And give her a little slack."

"There's twenty or thirty cows
I want to turn back
out on grass.
I'll run the bunch on past you.
Don't let the heifer past."

He stampedes the herd
right at me.
Their eyes all rimmed in white.
You already know
what happened.
I didn't git it right.

"Let's try it one more time,"
he mutters.
His growl had an ominous ring.
"Let's start with the spotted faced one,
I doctored a year ago this spring."

"Not the brockel face, the one
with the spots between her ears.
The way you handle that mare
Could bring a man to tears."

"I just can't understand it,
Why, she's plain to see.
It's the fifth one from the middle.
The one there lookin' at me."

I didn't have the faintest clue
Which critter in the bunch.
But I can tell you, Pardner,
It wasn't cattle I wanted to punch.

All day long we sorted cows.
Not one thing did I do right.
I began to ponder how
One man came to be so bright.

"If I'd done it myself," he said,
I'd been done hours ago.
There's only one more left.
Why don't you just go."

I took it all quite well.
I didn't scream or shout.
I simply kicked open the gate
And let the whole herd out.
 

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