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The Toronto Maple Leafs

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Jigger Boss

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THE TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS

What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
A: They both look good until they hit the ice.

What's the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and a cigarette vending machine?
A: The vending machine has Players!

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and whales have in common?
A: They both get totally confused when surrounded by ice.

Why are the Toronto Maple Leafs like Canada Post?
A: They both wear uniforms and don't deliver!

Why doesn't Hamilton have an NHL team?
A: Because then Toronto would want one....

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs, Toronto Argonauts and the Toronto Blue Jays all have in common besides being based in Toronto ?
A. None of them can play hockey.

What do you call 30 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Playoffs?
A. The Toronto Maple Leafs.

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 20,000 people stand up and yell 'Jesus Christ'.

How do you keep the Toronto Maple Leafs out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal net.

What do you call a Toronto Maple Leaf with a Stanley Cup ring?
A. A thief.

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

How many Toronto Maple Leafs does it take to win a Stanley Cup?
A. Nobody knows ... And we may never find out.

This guy says to the bartender, "Can my dog and I watch the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey game here? My cable is out, and my dog and I always watch the game together."

The bartender replies, "Normally, dogs wouldn't be allowed in my bar, but it's not very busy right now, so you and the dog can have a seat at the end of the bar. But, if there's any trouble with you or the dog, I'll have to ask you to leave."

The guy agrees, and he and his dog start watching the game. Pretty soon, the Leafs manage to score a goal and the excited dog jumps up on the bar, barks loudly, does a back flip and runs over to the bartender and gives him a high-five.

The bartender says, "Wow, that's pretty cool! What does he do when they win a game ?"

The guys answers, "No Idea, I've only had him for 3 years."

The last time the Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup most of their fans were in diapers.
Coincidentally, the next time they win it those same fans will be back in diapers again!
 

burnt

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BULLETIN

Toronto Hydro is warning customers of the rotating winter power blackouts that are expected to occur on:

November 2009
Tue, 3 Nov 2009
Sat, 7 Nov 2009
Tue, 10 Nov 2009
Sat, 14 Nov 2009
Sat, 21 Nov 2009
Mon, 23 Nov 2009
Mon, 30 Nov 2009

December 2009
Mon, 7 Dec 2009
Wed, 9 Dec 2009
Sat, 12 Dec 2009
Mon, 14 Dec 2009
Wed, 16 Dec 2009
Sat, 19 Dec 2009
Mon, 21 Dec 2009
Sat, 26 Dec 2009

2010 information to Follow.

This is a province wide alert.


The lack of power seems to consistently occur just after 7 pm on Saturday or 7:30 pm weekdays and is attributed to the excessive power required to run the goal judge's light, behind the Leafs' net.


Sincerely Yours,


Toronto Hydro
 

burnt

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She doesn't know where I live!! :lol:

Well, I don't THINK she knows where I live. :)

Well, that is, I HOPE she doesn't know where I live . . . . :?
 

Northern Rancher

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Brian Burke is a retard to start with. I'm going out on a line and picking Chicago to win the West-lotfrom the DUB and hardly any europeans.
 

Yanuck

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gcreekrch said:
Big Muddy rancher said:
Yanuck gonna be mad at youse guys. :eek: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Where is that gal?

Gadding about the country I guess. :???: :p :D


I'm here....haven't read for a few days as it was so slow to load the pages...seems to working a bit better today? judging by this thread I didn't miss much?! :roll: I'll say again for anyone who missed it....Toronto Maple Leafs are the greatest team ever to play the game...Capiche????
 

Justin

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Yanuck said:
gcreekrch said:
Big Muddy rancher said:
Yanuck gonna be mad at youse guys. :eek: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Where is that gal?

Gadding about the country I guess. :???: :p :D


I'm here....haven't read for a few days as it was so slow to load the pages...seems to working a bit better today? judging by this thread I didn't miss much?! :roll: I'll say again for anyone who missed it....Toronto Maple Leafs are the greatest team ever to play the game...Capiche????

well its about time Yanuck :D i didn't know how much longer i was going to be able to let all this nonsense go on. :wink: i'm glad you finally stepped in :D Maple Leafs #1
 

Northern Rancher

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They were great when they had Clarke, Gilmour etc instead of a bunch of pansy Europeans-they finally drafted a good player in Schenn and Kadrin but traded away this years picks for Kessel.
 

Northern Rancher

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Ohh no doubt-Sittler, McDonald, Tiger Williams-Rocky Saganuk lol. The team to beat this year is Chicago-they remind of the 80's Oilers.
 

burnt

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Oh ya and then there was this kinda well known guy named Paul Henderson . . . mmm let me see what was it that he did?? Oh Yeah, not once, but 3 times scored the winning goal in successive games!!

Where are those types of players today? Sure not on the Toronto Maple Leafs . . .
:(
 

per

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No mention of Shack. No one rode a stick like Eddie after a goal. :shock: :) They had Lanny and Boria. Boy if they could get all those guys in their prime at the same time. :?
 

burnt

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Like "Clear the track, HERE COMES SHACK!!"? He made Tie Domi look like a choir boy!!

""One night Toronto was getting trounced 10-0 late in the third and Eddie had never left the bench. The fans, to fight boredom started the chant, "We want Shack !" Coach Punch Imlach finally relented and told Eddie, "Get on the damn ice." Eddie leaped over the boards, raced around the ice to warm up and he had the fans in hysterics. They lined up for the face-off then Eddie called time and hustled over to the bench. "Coach I forgot to ask, did you want me to go for a win or a tie?""

( http://mapleleafslegends.blogspot.com/2006/05/eddie-entertainer.html )

And then there was the fella from Saskatchewan who wouldn't wear a mask and lost pretty well all of his teeth stopping the puck before it could hit the twine.

He started out by making his own equipment and practiced playing with the puck that the prairies so bountifully provided - frozen cow pies!!

I was just a kid back then but every kid wanted to be Johnny Bower when we played hockey on the frozen pond behind the barn . . .

Oh these memories make me wanna weep :( over what the Leafs put on the ice today and call it a team . . . :roll: Are there no real men left who can play and win a Cup in Toronto?

It seems to me that it has become all about big contracts and wimpy players hiding behind monstrous equipment. But I miss Darcy Tucker. He seemed to play with some real grit.
 

ChrisB

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My wife got a new Toronto Maple Leafs nightgown. Originally I really liked it and thought it was sexy, but now I hate when she wears it...

because whenever she wears it I know there won't be any scoring.
 

burnt

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ChrisB said:
My wife got a new Toronto Maple Leafs nightgown. Originally I really liked it and thought it was sexy, but now I hate when she wears it...

because whenever she wears it I know there won't be any scoring.

. . .or at least, not enough . . . . . :wink:
 
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