Dear Abby
I am a crack dealer in Wetaskiwin, Alberta who has a steady flow of
customers from the nearby junior high schools. My parents live in a suburb
of Ponoka, and one of my sisters, who lives in Hobbema, is married to a
Native transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for
growing and selling marijuana in Camrose, and are currently dependent on my
other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Calgary. I have two brothers. One
is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Drumheller for the murder
of a teenage boy in 1994.
The other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct
with his children in Bowden. I have recently become engaged to marry a
former Cold Lake prostitute who lives in Smokey Lake and is still a
part-time "working girl" in a brothel there.. All things considered, my main
problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the
family. I certainly want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her
about my cousin, who is a member of the Liberal Party???
Signed,
Tom (name changed to protect the family name)