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To our Southern Belle, part II............

Hooks

Well-known member
things to ponder now that yall are a year older........................

Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the guys with the Live Doppler 10,000.

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.

You know you're a grown-up because you groan every time you get up.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation.

You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.

Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

You can live without sex, but not without glasses.

Your back goes out more than you do.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.

You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

You're asleep, but others worry you're dead.

You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You and your teeth don't sleep together.

Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.

You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

The fire department is asked to attend your birthday party in case the candles on your cake get out of hand.

You can't be tried by a jury of your peers because there are none.

It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

Everyone is happy to give you a ride because they don't want you behind the wheel.

You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.

You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't remember being on top of it.

Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

You are often asked to give a personal account of the story of creation.

You wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. :tiphat:
 
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