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Today's History Lesson

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Soapweed

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TODAY'S HISTORY LESSON

The division of the human family into 2 distinct political groups began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer & would go to the beach & live on fish & lobster in winter.

The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer & the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization & together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals & Conservatives.

When the beer was discovered it required grain & that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking & killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement".

Other men who were weaker & less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's & doing the sewing, fetching & hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girleymen'.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade union, the invention of group therapy & group hugs & the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat & beer that Conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, & French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood & group therapists are liberals.

Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink beer and whiskey and eat red meat & potatoes. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes & generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers & decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. The liberals crept in after the Wild West was tame & created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
 

nr

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That was Quite a different way of presenting the problem, Soap.
Have to forward it to some Libbie friends.
 
A

Anonymous

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Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.


Guess that's where the conservative greeting came from, used at most BBQs when an appearently unwelcome obnoxious guest shows up; Who invited that Jackass :roll:

I hope this came out ok, It seems really differant to have options. Wish they could have added spellcheck.
 

Liberty Belle

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I'm with you on that spell check thing Steve. I have way too much imagination to only think of one way to spell a word. I have found that by highlighting what I've written, clicking on edit and then copy at the top of the page, opening a Word program, clicking on edit, then paste, will put what I've written down so I can run spell check on it. Then I highlight the whole thing again, click on edit and copy, come back to here, and click on edit and paste, and viola! you have it. Lots of work that could be avoided if spell check could be added on this forum. Maybe Macon could do that for us?
 

nr

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Liberty Belle said:
I'm with you on that spell check thing Steve. I have way too much imagination to only think of one way to spell a word. I have found that by highlighting what I've written, clicking on edit and then copy at the top of the page, opening a Word program, clicking on edit, then paste, will put what I've written down so I can run spell check on it. Then I highlight the whole thing again, click on edit and copy, come back to here, and click on edit and paste, and viola! you have it. Lots of work that could be avoided if spell check could be added on this forum. Maybe Macon could do that for us?

Wow, Liberty Belle, we're impressed you're trying to spell everything and go to all that trouble. Most of the rest of us just type and let 'er rip. Personally I like seeing misspelled words as they remind what a rediculous language we have. Have a Super Saturday and send some snow my way pleeze.
 

PPRM

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My spelling is pretty good, it's my poor typing that makes me wonder what the words are in my posts
 

jigs

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went back to the first post in PB...seems that it was once a cordial place....
 

per

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There is a Google toolbar option that has a spellcheck option on it that allows you to spellcheck posts to here or any other forum including face-book. Even a liberal could get it done by coercing a teenager into doing the work.
 

Buckeye

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per said:
There is a Google toolbar option that has a spellcheck option on it that allows you to spellcheck posts to here or any other forum including face-book. Even a liberal could get it done by coercing a teenager into doing the work.
Or they could have their 5-year old neighbor install a Firefox browser, which does real-time spellchecking just like Word.
 

Triangle Bar

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Thanks for the 'History Lesson' Soap. :lol:

Seriously though, the left (and all of us) need history lessons or more importantly to understand the lessons that history teaches. Take cap & trade for example: it will effectively ban nitrogen fertilizer, since it's use releases nitrous oxide a supposed warming gas and will be taxed accordingly. The left thinks chemical fertilizer was solely an invention by some greedy buzzard, to be sold to some other greedy buzzard who wanted to have more profitl.

YES!!! This is a Capitalist Country (or was), profit is and should always be a factor in the way we do business. However, they fail to consider profits effects on invention. The invention of non-organic fertilizer filled a niche, i.e. more nutrient need than available manure, to grow more food on the available crop land. That invention created profit, jobs, and wealth throughout the economy. That's just one example.

The current administration is literally killing the 'Goose that Layed the Golden Egg' with their taxation and regulation.
 

MsSage

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Hereford76 said:
I haven't laughed that hard reading anything in PB before.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats

this one really got me :lol:
Well HAIL why didnt anyone tell MY cats they have been domesticated???????? LOLOLOLOLOL
 

Ben H

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I use Google Chrome for a web browser, I used to use the Google Toolbar in IE. Both spellcheck.
 

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