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TOP 10 "Pet" Peeves Dogs Have about Humans

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Soapweed

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TOP 10 "Pet" Peeves Dogs Have about Humans....


1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all!

2. Yelling at me for barking.. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!

3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out.

Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... Stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.

Well, Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog!

Whoooo Hoooooooo! -- what a proud moment for the top of the food
chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip",

then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests..

Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. Dog sweaters. Hello?? Haven't you noticed the fur?

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know

the truth, you're just JEALOUS!
 

sw

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An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady.

He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole,
the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
 

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