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"TOTUS" - Teleprompter Of The U.S.

Mike

Well-known member
March 20, 2009

Exclusive: Through a Teleprompter Darkly

Pam Meister



For now we see through a glass, darkly, but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. – 1 Corinthians, 13.

The nation has a new leader: TOTUS, Teleprompter of the United States. Traditionally, TOTUS has lingered behind the scenes, brought out only for very formal occasions like State of the Nation addresses. But under the Obama administration, TOTUS finds itself in the spotlight, taking part in just about every event imaginable – from speeches to adoring throngs in Berlin to St. Patrick Day parties – although such frequent use means that TOTUS occasionally screws up. It even has its own blog. Before you know it, it’ll have its own office in the West Wing, a plane to rival Nancy Pelosi’s (Air Force T) and Secret Service detail (codename Charlie McCarthy).

TOTUS is so powerful that it’ll be able to pre-empt what is arguably the most popular television show in America – American Idol – for the second time in a month’s time. When you can say you’ve bested noted snark-master Simon Cowell, you know you are on top of the world.

Like all benevolent dictators, TOTUS’s word is law, even when it contradicts itself. For example, back on February 5th, TOTUS told the nation that we are in an economic crisis unseen since the Great Depression. Yet just over a month later on March 12th, TOTUS said the national crisis “is not as bad as we think.” For only TOTUS know, and who are we to question?

And TOTUS knows exactly what to say to make us feel safe, from closing Gitmo and bringing some of the detainees (the term “enemy combatants” is so George W. Bush) here to the U.S. to comparing AIG to those dastardly suicide bombers, national security is always first and foremost in the mind of TOTUS. And even when it’s in the shop for a tune-up and unavailable for comment, it has its Cabinet members to spread the message of hope, change, and a new world order. Homeland Security head honcho Janet Napolitano has moved “away from the politics of fear toward a policy of being prepared for all risks that can occur,” therefore she chooses to replace “terrorism” with “man-caused disasters.” Man-made disasters – what, like earthquakes but with dirty bombs instead of moving tectonic plates; something that we cannot do anything about but endure and clean up the mess afterward? Never question TOTUS. All is under control.

Still, there are those who doubt the good intentions of TOTUS. But don’t worry; TOTUS has a plan. Back in 2008, when TOTUS was merely known as TOTO (Teleprompter of The One), it said, “We cannot continue to rely on our military in order to achieve the national security objectives we’ve set. We’ve got to have a civilian national security force that is just as powerful, just as strong, just as well funded.” See, TOTUS is mindful of the strain that is put on our military, despite briefly considering making veterans’ private insurance foot the bill for injuries received in combat and looking to balance the budget by cutting military spending by 25%. Thus proving that not all campaign promises go by the wayside, TOTUS has spearheaded a bill that includes language noting that a commission will be set up to figure out

“Whether a workable, fair, and reasonable mandatory service requirement for all able young people could be developed, and how such a requirement could be implemented in a manner that would strengthen the social fabric of the Nation and overcome civic challenges by bringing together people from diverse economic, ethnic, and educational backgrounds.”

Section 120 of the bill also discusses the “Youth Engagement Zone Program” and states that “service learning” will be “a mandatory part of the curriculum in all of the secondary schools served by the local educational agency.”

Young people, who have been indoctrinated by the leftwing education establishment over the course of their short lives, are the perfect empty vessels to promote the TOTUS message of TOTal control.

And yes, Rush, to answer your question, TOTUS and Michelle Obama get along very well. Who do you think programs it?
 
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