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Visting the ladies room

katrina

Well-known member
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of

women,

so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn,you check

for

feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.



Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman

leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't

matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!The

dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom,no

doubt)

is handy, but empty.



You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there were one, but there

isn't - so you carefully but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom

would

turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your

pants,

and assume "The Stance."



In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.

You'd

love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat

or

lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."



To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you

discover

to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your

mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you

would

have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.



You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the

one

that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in the

puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.



Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work. The

door

hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your

chest,

and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.

"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your

precious,

tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing

altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of

course.



You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom

has

made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered

seat

because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even

if

you had taken time to try.You know that your mother would be utterly

appalled if she knew, because, you're certain, her bare bottom never

touched

a public toilet seat because, "Frankly, Dear, you just don't KNOW what

kind

of diseases you could get."



By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so

confused

that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against

the

inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that

covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush

somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the

empty

toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.



At that point, you give up.



You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're

exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket

and

then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to

operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands

with

spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women,still

waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them.



A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet

paper

trailing from your shoe. ( Where was that when you NEEDED it??)You yank

the

paper from your shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her warmly,

"Here,

you just might need this."



As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and

left

the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is

your purse hanging around your neck?"



. .This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public

restroom

(rest??? you've got to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men

what

really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked

question about why women go to the restroom in pairs.



It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand

you

Kleenex under the door!!
 

alabama

Well-known member
I stand enlightened. I never knew. Never again will I get aggravated while waiting on a woman to go. The poor things I feel sorry for y'all. If I had to go through all that I would be a B### too.
 

passin thru

Well-known member
i'll take your word for it. Remember the old saying that if someone calls never tell them you were in the shower..................they imagine you in the shower. :shock:
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

Well-known member
I will vouch for that....EVERY SINGLE WORD OF THAT IS TRUE!!!!!!!!

And not ONLY that, but try takin a kid in there and danglin them over the seat as well as manage the purse, no TP, no latch etc.......
 

Jinglebob

Well-known member
the_jersey_lilly_2000 said:
I will vouch for that....EVERY SINGLE WORD OF THAT IS TRUE!!!!!!!!

And not ONLY that, but try takin a kid in there and danglin them over the seat as well as manage the purse, no TP, no latch etc.......

Why don't you girls just stand up when you do it, like we guys do? :???:















:wink:














:lol: :lol:














It sure is hell being a woman, ain't it? :x
 

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