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Big Muddy rancher

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Jennifer a manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'


The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.

'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.
'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.

'Hmmm..let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened... A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'

'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.'

Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man
'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.

Turning to Louie, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.

Old Louie replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'

'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response...

'Oh sure', said Louie. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already **** my pants.'

Louie is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!

You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on
 

Hayguy

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good one, at least walmart has a real live greeter, went in to canadian tire the other day,as you go through the turnstyle some computer generated voice comes on with "welcome to canadian tire", gives you the real personal touch. :wink: :lol:
 

sweetbasil

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Big Muddy rancher said:
Jennifer a manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'


The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.

'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.
'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.

'Hmmm..let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened... A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'

'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.'

Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man
'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.

Turning to Louie, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.

Old Louie replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'

'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response...

'Oh sure', said Louie. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already s*** my pants.'

Louie is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!

You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on

:lol2: :lol2: :lol2:
 

jigs

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a while back at Wal Mart in Hays KS, I had to use the mens room.... as I walk in I notice a cane, and one foot in the stall and what appears to be a couple cans of beer are also there...I take the next stall and let nature take its course..... all the sudden I hear the sound of a beer can opening, and I look under to see there are one full and one empty beer cans, then allthe sudden both feet on the ground, and the opposite one goes up.....
so, the guy is in there, with beer stolen off the shelves, kicked back, relaxing with a few beers!!!! like an idiot, I snap a pic on my phone...text my aunt( who works there) and tell her the story... she thinks I am joking, but sends a guy to investigate. meanwhile, I am headed up to the front of the store, to find her and the "investigator" talking about my lie...but he looked in the front restroom, not the back!.

the guy got away, but they looked over surveilance cameras and figure he put away a case of beer , and they found empties a few more times, but eventually caught him...

a creative drunk, to steal the beer and hang out in the wal mart crapper to get his drink on ....
 

loomixguy

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jigs said:
a while back at Wal Mart in Hays KS, I had to use the mens room.... as I walk in I notice a cane, and one foot in the stall and what appears to be a couple cans of beer are also there...I take the next stall and let nature take its course..... all the sudden I hear the sound of a beer can opening, and I look under to see there are one full and one empty beer cans, then allthe sudden both feet on the ground, and the opposite one goes up.....
so, the guy is in there, with beer stolen off the shelves, kicked back, relaxing with a few beers!!!! like an idiot, I snap a pic on my phone...text my aunt( who works there) and tell her the story... she thinks I am joking, but sends a guy to investigate. meanwhile, I am headed up to the front of the store, to find her and the "investigator" talking about my lie...but he looked in the front restroom, not the back!.

the guy got away, but they looked over surveilance cameras and figure he put away a case of beer , and they found empties a few more times, but eventually caught him...

a creative drunk, to steal the beer and hang out in the wal mart crapper to get his drink on ....

The above is jigsspeak for "I wish I had thought of that!!" :shock: :lol: :lol: :lol:

My wife used to work at our somewhat local Wally World, starting with getting the new super center building ready and going. After the grand opening, she was assigned to the shoe department. A day or 2 after she had been on shoe detail, she came home and asked about how one would go about stealing shoes. Remembering my college days, I told her you just find the pair you want, put 'em on, put your old pair in the box, and walk out of the store like you owned it. That solved the mystery of why there were old worn out shoes in new boxes on the shelves......
 

jigs

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loomixguy said:
jigs said:
a while back at Wal Mart in Hays KS, I had to use the mens room.... as I walk in I notice a cane, and one foot in the stall and what appears to be a couple cans of beer are also there...I take the next stall and let nature take its course..... all the sudden I hear the sound of a beer can opening, and I look under to see there are one full and one empty beer cans, then allthe sudden both feet on the ground, and the opposite one goes up.....
so, the guy is in there, with beer stolen off the shelves, kicked back, relaxing with a few beers!!!! like an idiot, I snap a pic on my phone...text my aunt( who works there) and tell her the story... she thinks I am joking, but sends a guy to investigate. meanwhile, I am headed up to the front of the store, to find her and the "investigator" talking about my lie...but he looked in the front restroom, not the back!.

the guy got away, but they looked over surveilance cameras and figure he put away a case of beer , and they found empties a few more times, but eventually caught him...

a creative drunk, to steal the beer and hang out in the wal mart crapper to get his drink on ....

The above is jigsspeak for "I wish I had thought of that!!" :shock: :lol: :lol: :lol:

My wife used to work at our somewhat local Wally World, starting with getting the new super center building ready and going. After the grand opening, she was assigned to the shoe department. A day or 2 after she had been on shoe detail, she came home and asked about how one would go about stealing shoes. Remembering my college days, I told her you just find the pair you want, put 'em on, put your old pair in the box, and walk out of the store like you owned it. That solved the mystery of why there were old worn out shoes in new boxes on the shelves......
I should have asked that guy where he lived...I bet it was Webster county.....
:wink:
 

loomixguy

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God knows you Wheatheads can't come up with anything on your own....ya'll need all the hep you can get! :wink: :lol: :lol:
 

jigs

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you better be nice, or I will send cousin Mary over to visit you!
 

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