This is quite long, but YOU asked! I had to tell both, so you would understand the second one.
And Carl still hasn't gotten even.
A few years ago my wife, who worked at a well known western store, had a phone conversation with a man by the name of Dick, who was a “higher up” in an advertising agency. During the course of the conversation, Dick mentioned that he would like to find someone who would act as a guide, for a photographer, who would be coming out to our area. My wife said that I might be interested. The upshot of all this is, that Dick sent a feller by the name of Carl out to our ranch. Carl stayed for about six days and took lots of pictures and we became pretty fair friends.
During his stay, I found out that Carl had a real good sense of humor and loved a good practical joke, as much as I did. I also found out that Dick, was not only a business associate of Carl's, but was also a close friend. So we decided that the proper thing to do was to play a real good joke on Dick, for his and our amusement, of course.
Turns out that Dick was a fan of old, International pickups and had been looking for a particular make and model of one. This would be the basis for our joke. Carl made me memorize all that I would need to know about just such a pickup and exactly what it looked like. When he thought I had this all down cold, we went into my house and called Dick.
Dick and I visited about how the photo shoot was going and after a bit I told him that this was sure going to be a good deal for me, as Carl had bought an old, International pickup from me, and that I thought he had given me a pretty fair price for it. Dick wanted to know all about the pickup. I gave him a long and involved story all about this “phantom” pickup and how it was in such good shape and was still quite road worthy. Dick immediately told me to not sell it to Carl. I told him that I was a man of my word and couldn’t back out on a deal, once I’d given someone my word of honor. He almost begged me to stop the deal, in any way I could. So I asked if he thought Carl was cheating me, or what? Maybe Dick would get more money for me?
Instantly his voice changed from a man who thought he’d lost out on the deal of a lifetime, to one of a man who is about to cheat some poor country bumpkin and screw over a good freind, all in one fell swoop! I’d told him that Carl had agreed to $500. Dick suavely told me that he thought he might be able to get me $1000 or perhaps even $1500. At that time, I told him that Carl had just happened to walk into the house. “Let me talk to him!,” was Dicks intense reply.
All of this time, Carl was setting and listening to the conversation I was having with Dick. But he pretended that he had just walked in the house, all of the time trying not to laugh. We had Dick sweatin’! He’d bought this story, hook, line and sinker!
Dick and Carl visited for a little bit about Carls shoot when all of a sudden, Carl told him that he’d found a pickup, just like Dick had been looking for. “I think I can get it bought for you, for $2500”, Carl told him. I’ve never seen anyone jerk a phone away from their ear, as fast as Carl did right then! I could hear Dick cussing at Carl and calling him all kinds of rude names, with references to his family. And I was setting, clear across the room!
Of course, Dick didn’t think that Carl realized, that he, Dick, already knew how much Carl had supposedly paid me for this very same pickup. So he thought that Carl was trying to cheat him bad. And he was also mad that Carl had gotten to me first, and cheated me so bad, and that he, Dick, had missed out on cheating a poor country bumpkin! It was a great joke.
Finally, Carl let Dick off from the hook and let him know that it all was just a real good, practical joke. Carl and I laughed for the next several days on what a good job we’d done, fooling Dick. All right, so we both have a sick sense of humor!
Carl eventually got done takin’ pictures and went home. One year passed and again, Carl had his camper parked in my yard, staying on the ranch so I could take him around to take more pictures. One morning, after Carl had been here a couple of days, I went out to his camper to see if he was ready to take off and get some more shots. He told me that he had to do a few things in the camper, but that he’d be done in a few minutes and would come in the house to use the phone. He needed to call his wife, Kay. He stated that she would be angry with him, because he hadn’t called her the night before. I went back into the house and was workin’ on some leather when I suddenly had a thought.
Carl liked the joke we’d pulled on Dick, the year before so well, that I just knew he’d love one, even if it was pulled on him!
I quick called Kay and explained to her, what I had in mind. Lovely women that she is, she caught right on and said that she had the perfect plan. She asked how long this joke should last, so I told her to just get him hooked and reel him up to shore, and then let him slip off the hook. Meaning that she should let him know it was just a joke, before he got off the phone.
To make this all clear to the reader, you should probably know that in front of Carl and Kay’s house, there is a long line of old, old oak trees. Like 125 to 135 years old. Huge, grand oak trees that Carl loves. Beyond the tree's is a public road, that the state was going to add on to the shoulder of. Carl had sold them a 9 foot easement, against his will, because he figured that if he didn’t sell, the state would just condemn the property anyway. But he wasn’t very happy about it. Worried about his trees, I suppose.
So eventually Carl came in the house and called Kay. They visited for a short spell while I pretended to ignore the conversation. Soon the tone of Carls voice changed and he started to sound more concerned and angry. Suddenly he looked at me with a sick expression on his face and said,” You know my trees? The oaks I told you about? They cut them down! The S.O.B’s cut them down!”
He continued to talk to Kay and he got angrier and angrier. Suddenly he told her that he couldn’t talk anymore and slammed the phone down and started to pace around the house, all the while keeping up a constant verbal assault against anyone and everyone involved with the desecration of his beloved oak trees! I tried to console him, but he wasn’t having any of it. I started to worry that this might not be a joke, as Kay was supposed to let him off the hook. Either that or she had and he was just keeping up an act, for my benefit. So that he could turn the joke around on me, so to speak. He went on and on. I wanted to call Kay and find out if this was just a joke or if the trees had actually been cut down. Carl finally left the house, muttering to himself. I ran to the phone and called Kay up and asked if this was just a joke. She said that it was. I was very relieved and told her that we had him going good. What a bright and wonderful women! I instantly fell in love with her and envied Carl, though I was sure glad that he was the one married to her at the moment!
Carl came back in the house in a few minutes and said that he would have to call Kay back. I sat and worked on leather and tried not to laugh and I sure kept my face turned away from him, so he couldn’t see me smile. Carl began to visit with Kay, when all of a sudden, he slammed the phone down and turned to me and began to cuss and pound on my shoulders with his fists! Kay had let him know it was a joke. I was laughing so hard that tears were running down my face and I couldn’t even protect myself from this assault. This went on for about 5 or 10 minutes, before I got control of myself and Carl quit abusing me. I’d quit laughing, when all of a sudden, it would strike me funny and I’d break up again. It was wonderful!
As the remaining days of Carls stay passed, I’d make sure to let everyone we met, know about the joke and how bad I’d gotten Carl. Of course Carl made it plain that he would get revenge, and that it would be when I least expected it. Perhaps several years down the road. I’d just laugh and tell him it was worth it. And it was. But.......if I should die in some sort of freakish, implausible way, I want the authorities to be sure and check up on Carl. ‘Cause he’s probably behind it! Or for that matter, if Kay, Carls wife should have some sudden or unexplained accident, the authorities better check into that too. Carl swore revenge on her, also. But I still think it was worth it! Yeah, sure it was. Wasn’t it?
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