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WHEN TWO TURKEYS MEET

HAY MAKER

Well-known member
My phone was ringing early this morning,elmo was calling,Hey git up I wanna tell you somethang,meet at tha café in ten minutes.
OK I said give me 15 minutes and I ll be there, ......... hurry up I wanna tell you about those city slickers thats been hunting turkeys on my river pasture,elmo said.
I was laffin to myself when he said that ,little did he know ole Doc Mitchell already told me about his turkey guiding experience the nite before,seems like the fellas that had elmos pasture leased for turkey huntin havent been seeing any turkeys and were complainin to elmo about it.
What tha hell you mean no turkeys ole elmo replied tell you what Ima gonna do,I will guide you fellas in the morning and I guarantee you will see some turkeys.
So bout an hour before sunup ole elmo is waiting at the river pasture gate
as usual nippin a lil whiskey,he is like alot of these ole coots around here,get em a cup of black coffe in the morning and put a lil whiskey in it,kinda gets thangs in perspective as ole elmo sez.
Well anyway sure nuff here come the hunters bout sunup,elmo proceeds ta cussin and tellin em no wonder they aint killin anythang showing up at damn near noon tryin ta hunt turkeys,but will try N show em some anyway even tho its their fault if they don’t see a damn thang for being so late.
I hafta admit there are lots of turkeys on ole elmo’s place,him being the biggest one.
Anyway they get started and elmo notices their dog,wha tha hell are you draggin a damn dog along on a turkey hunt for elmo demanded to know,well sir this dog is quite a turkey hunter his self, been in many turkey blinds and has retrieved more turkeys than most folks have ever seen.
I don’t like it elmo said never heard of such.........,I reckon that dog musta picked up on the fact that elmo had little use for him cuz every time elmo got close to him he would snarl a little.
Whats this damn thang elmo asked as they walked up to one of the hunters turkey blinds,they are turkey blinds ,I got the two hunter model and my hunting partner has his, a single down the river about 300 yards ,me and you both can hide in here,those turkeys wont
see us for nothin'. These blinds work like you wouldn't believe. They've even got room in here to keep the birds. I tell you they are worth the money, if we could just see some turkeys.
The hunter continued talkin about the effectiveness of the blinds."Yep,, these things were worth the money. I don’t like em elmo said too flimsy,damn nylon never did like tha stuff,and not enough room specially with that damn dog in here.
Anyway ole elmo is a turkey caller deluxe,he starts callin and imediately gets turkeys calling back all along the river,it aint long till they see the decoys and here they come.
Call it blind luck or what ever but sure nuff that ole city slicker is shakin like a hen in a dust bath,but shoots and sends a turkey gobbler rollin,before the smoke cleared that dog was outta that blind had the turkey around the neck and brought em back to a smilin hunter,see what I told you ole duke here can flat get those turkeys,elmo just frowned and said, "Did you see how well those birds came into the decoys?There are some more along the river,sit still and we will get another one.
Ole elmo started callin more turkeys when it happened,It seemed that the turkey that ,had been shot earlier had only been winged and was knocked unconscious. After a few minutes on the floor of the blind, it had come to its senses and began floppin around.
Along about that time the other hunter had heard the shot and was coming to see what they had got,and the hunter in the blind with elmo heard him blurting out a swear word as that turkey started floppin. Looking over to his position, the hunter saw him squirming in the blind, side to side, like he was performing the The Twist in a generally horizontal position. The bottom half of the blind seemed to have come alive and was bulging in an out in various places . Immediately, they became aware of turkey gobbling.
Now he was twisting around violently enough to have the blind actually leave the ground . Additionally, he was making a guttural sound that that sounded like "UUUghhhhhUUUghhhhhUUUUghhh". The turkey, realizing that his efforts to escape was not sufficient, turned its attention to the closest creature around which just happened to be ole elmo, rocking back and forth and making all of the noise,turkey callin. Unfortunately, the portion of elmo’s body the turkey had turned its retaliatory efforts upon was a notoriously sensitive portion of the male anatomy.
That ole tom turkey with its beak clamped on elmo’s manhood and him flailing about like someone had lit his pants on fire,musta been quite a sight.
Throughout all of this commotion, ole duke had remained crouched next to the hunter with an increasing level of interest. Shortly he decided that was enough,he ponced on elmo as fast as a hen gets on a grass hopper
. Whether it was from anger at elmo or the turkey, or an attempt to defend his owner is unclear, but he clamped his jaws down on the turkey’s head and began to shake his head back and forth as dogs tend to do. It really wasn't the dog's fault; he was only trying to help. It was just an unfortunate circumstance that the turkey’s head was attached to elmo in a place that dogs should not be biting.
Afterward, the hunters helped elmo limp back to the truck while he walked like a four year old who really has to go to the bathroom badly. Through clenched teeth he said, "That dog is in trouble. It wouldn't have been half as bad if it wouldn't have jumped in and started biting on me".
"Now, just calm down, it was just trying to help you,Sir, It didn't know it was hurting you".
"Well that's the last time,I wanna see yall on this ranch,take your Damn turkey and scat!!!
Time he made it to ole Doc Mitchell’s place he was sure mad,and like the doc said,That’s elmos version,mite be interestin to hear the hunters side of the story.......................good luck
 

HAY MAKER

Well-known member
Manitoba_Rancher said:
Would have funny to see :lol: :lol: When does turkey season start and end down there?

I dont really know when it starts and stops none of these hunters care about it here,I think a few weeks in april & may.................good luck
 

Mrs.Greg

Well-known member
Too funny. Now Elmo should go visit those Mexican girls in his broken carhartts,somthing may be a little more promenent then it was last time :lol: :lol:
 

Hanta Yo

Well-known member
HAYMAKER,

You need to write a book, call it "Elmo's Stories". Hilarious!! Didn't know you were such a good story teller :D
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

Well-known member
yeap ya do needa write all them stories down somewhere besides ranchers. Never know..git enuff of em together, ya could put a book together, like was suggested.......but dont tell Elmo...he'll want a cut offa the profits. :wink:

Or call it......."Haymaker's Meanderings, of Elmo's Filanderins"
 
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