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OldDog/NewTricks

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What morons.

It's time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards." The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck of New Mexico who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.

Here are this year's winners:

7th Place: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

6th Place: 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

5th Place: Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams, who had climbed over the fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd Place: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place: This year's runaway winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.
 

DiamondSCattleCo

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PureCountry said:
I've said it before, I'll say it again...it should be perfectly legal to shoot one stupid person per day.

Just one? Bah. I'd sit outside courtrooms and wait for verdicts like these ones, then shoot the plaintiffs AND the idiots who awarded the dollars.

Rod
 

Jinglebob

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DiamondSCattleCo said:
PureCountry said:
I've said it before, I'll say it again...it should be perfectly legal to shoot one stupid person per day.

Just one? Bah. I'd sit outside courtrooms and wait for verdicts like these ones, then shoot the plaintiffs AND the idiots who awarded the dollars.

Rod

Soooo, whose definition of "stupid" do you use? In other words, who gets to decide who is stupid and the behaviuor that would be deemed as stupid? From reading this site, we can't even all agree on r-calf and ncba.

So I guess your advocating that we all carry guns and whenever we see someone who we think is stupid, we would have the right to shoot that person, but only that one, that day. Good ide folks. Sure might work. Sure hope no one shoots back.
:wink:

If nothin' else, it would sure cut down on the people in the world. :roll:
 

DiamondSCattleCo

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Egads, you're taking a post that was made in jest and attempting to analyse it? :roll:

I don't advocate shooting anyone, but there are days when you read things like the original post and ask what the world is coming to. I would think that many of us would agree that at least a few of the court decisions were ludicrous.

So, since we can't shoot em, how about beating them with a stick? It may make them think twice about doing something stupid ever again.

Someone once said that a man's/woman's intelligence can be measured by the degree to which they agree with me. I'll use that as my stupid-meter :wink:

Rod
 

greg

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Ya and anyway our CANADIAN guns are registered so we'ed be a STUPID MORON to shoot anyone ....a stick would work way better, so far we don't have to register sticks :D
 

Saddletramp

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I think the better rule is...... Stupid people shouldn't breed.

Or they should live on " Brokedown Mountain " either way the problem will take care of it's self in a few generations.
 

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