• If you are having problems logging in please use the Contact Us in the lower right hand corner of the forum page for assistance.

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

katrina

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 14, 2005
Messages
8,776
Reaction score
1
Location
East north east of Soapweed
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

Keep reading-they get better!!!













--------------------------------------------------------------------------------









WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'














--------------------------------------------------------------------------------









UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.














--------------------------------------------------------------------------------









CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........... so does she..
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)














--------------------------------------------------------------------------------









WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'














--------------------------------------------------------------------------------









WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------









CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time..
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!














--------------------------------------------------------------------------------









WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says . 'HEBREWS'














--------------------------------------------------------------------------------









The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.














--------------------------------------------------------------------------------









God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece
 

Larrry

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2007
Messages
8,645
Reaction score
0
Location
The good ole USA
Do ya know how to find a blind man a nudist colony?









yep



the



answer


it's



down




here






It's not hard
 

kris

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 8, 2007
Messages
765
Reaction score
0
Location
big sky country
KATRINA----THOSE WERE ALL SOOOOO TRUE...AND UNFORTUNATELY I CAN RELATE TO THE ONE ABOUT THE HOTWAX AND SPIDERS......YA EVER HEAR A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM COMING FROM NECK OF THE WOODS, JUST BRING A SHOE.....MY BOYS JUST LAUGH AND GRAB A BOOT AND FIND WHICH ROOM I AM HIDING IN!!!! :shock: :shock:
 

Faster horses

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2005
Messages
28,717
Reaction score
20
Location
NE WY at the foot of the Big Horn mountains
My mother was deathly afraid of spiders. She was getting a perm
at a local beauty shop when a spider ran across the counter toward
her. She watched it and was hoping for the best. She really tried to contain herself and was doing pretty good, until.....
the spider reached the
end of the counter.......and JUMPED toward her. That did it. She
screamed bloody murder, jumped up and screamed some more...
by then even thepeople from outside were looking in the windows, wondering
what happened. :shock:

Of course, she was so embarrassed.......
 

Latest posts

Top