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Xmas Wrap

OldDog/NewTricks

Well-known member
This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas,
when the Three Wise Men - went to see the baby Jesus and according to
the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and
myrrh".
These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an
important theological fact: There is no mention of wrapping paper.
If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so:
"And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the
paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was
going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth,
"Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year! And Joseph
did rolleth his eyes. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the
paper than, for example, the frankincense."
But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very
first Christmas gifts were not wrapped. This is because the people
giving those gifts had two important characteristics: 1. They were
wise. 2. They were men. Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not
understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else
can tear it off.
I attempt to wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills,
I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck
of cards and put it in the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the
size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and
taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out.
If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower
half of the pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.
On the other hand, if you give a woman 12-inch square of wrapping
paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. Many women, actually
like to wrapping things, if she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she
wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a
symptom of mental illness.
My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills - like having
babies - that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why
today I am presenting gift-wrapping tips for men:
* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the
recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can
claim that it's myrrh.
* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to
make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple
sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and
liquid starch. Think they've had way to many Rum balls!
* If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just
put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it.
This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky
recipient on Christmas morning, example:
Wife: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
Husband: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give,
or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time
of year, is that you save the receipt.
 

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