• If you are having problems logging in please use the Contact Us in the lower right hand corner of the forum page for assistance.

Yankee Test!

Help Support Ranchers.net:

fedup2

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 10, 2005
Messages
794
Reaction score
0
OK jersey lilly, this one is for you. :lol: We will see how smart those darn Yankee's are! :D

Yankee test.

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are.

We challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam administered by the University of Arkansas Engineering Department:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A '65 Ford Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet Chevelle or a '64 Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the finished product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. -- --
How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented it's charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out on the front porch?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that the truck will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of th 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during that shift?

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

O.K. -- all you smarties answer up!
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 16, 2005
Messages
11,308
Reaction score
0
Location
South East Texas
OK jersey lilly, this one is for you. We will see how smart those darn Yankee's are!

Yankee test.

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are.

We challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam administered by the University of Arkansas Engineering Department:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.

My answer - bout the same size limb it took when mama said, "go cut a switch"

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A '65 Ford Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet Chevelle or a '64 Pontiac GTO.

My Answer - 69 Chev truck still sittin out there, 67 Mercury Cougar still sittin out there......They haven't rusted out yet.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the finished product?

My Answer - who cares, long as the shine tastes good.

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. -- --
How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

My Answer - at least three, before, no tellin how many durin, and at least a case afterward.

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented it's charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?

My Answer - I have no idea, but I do know bout that horrid smell that happens about 3 days later when you go to open up that old fridge n all the meats done gone bad. (always manages to do that when it's 110 degrees)

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

My Answer - ever one of em, cept the one that's diggin in the trash barrel out by the road at the time.

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out on the front porch?

My Answer - Of course they can, aint you ever seen a trailer house that's ground level on one end, and has enuff cinder blocks holdin the other end up that you can use it like a car port?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that the truck will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

My Answer - lil to none "Loud pipes save lives"

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of th 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during that shift?

My Answer - 119 cartons, cuz the gas warnin was issued because Bubba had beans for supper, n he dont smoke, he chews.

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

My answer - not long

O.K. -- all you smarties answer up!
 

fedup2

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 10, 2005
Messages
794
Reaction score
0
Hey, no fair giving out the answers! Of course being from Texas, you would know the answers. As I am from ND, I was still working on them. Heck, the last time I went to see the Dr., I studied for three days just to pass my urine test! :shock: The last time my Dr checked my 'lower unit' I asked him to use 2 fingers as I wanted a second opinion right away! :shock: :lol:

Top Ten Signs You Know You've Joined A Redneck HMO

10. Your Viagra prescription includes a Popsicle stick and some duct tape.

9. The only 100% covered expense is embalming.

8. Your Prozac comes in colors and has little "m"s on each pill.

7. Preventive Care Coverage includes "an apple a day".

6. Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

5. The Lone Star Bar and Grill is an approved pharmacy.

4. The only proctologist lists his address as Rotorooter.

3. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

2. Directions to the Dr.'s office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park".

1. The annual breast exam is conducted at Hooter's
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 16, 2005
Messages
11,308
Reaction score
0
Location
South East Texas
HaHaHa this reminds me of what happened the other day,

Mr Lilly and Lil Lilly went Christmas shoppin by themselves :shock:
He came home and as he's gettin outta the jeep, he tells me, "Open your mouth and close your eyes" :gag: Yeah right, he knows better'n to tell me that!!!! Cuz immediatly I'm suspicious.
He then proceeds to tell me that they went to the "health food store" and they had a machine there that you can type in information about someone, and it'll spit out a pill that is supposed to "fix" anything that's wrong with that person!!!! Bull Hockey!! I say.
Anyway, he says, "oh come on, just do it"
So I finally closed my eyes n opened my mouth, n he stuck somethin in there that felt bout like a horse pill, then he says, "chew it up" ...........this thing is, kinda, sweet on the outside, but I'm not sure bout chewin it up. I asked him, "What color is it?" He says, "green, of course" Finally, real slow like, I bit down...expectin a gel pill of some sort or somethin. It didnt taste all that bad, but resembled, ....??? green apple???
Was a daggum green apple jelly bean!!!!!! They'd been to the candy store, where ya scoop up and buy by the pound.

Later on that evenin, we hadda birthday party to go to, friend of ours turned 40 and plays in a band, they'd set him up, to play for his birthday, was great. But.........I pinched Mr Lilly on the hiney, n his eyes lit up!!!!! :D I said, "That's bout all the affect that pill had on me, next time you should maybe get somethin a lil stronger" :p :lol2: :mrgreen: :pretty: :lol2:
 

Latest posts

Top