• If you are having problems logging in please use the Contact Us in the lower right hand corner of the forum page for assistance.

You might be a ranch wife if......

Help Support Ranchers.net:

the_jersey_lilly_2000

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 16, 2005
Messages
11,308
Reaction score
0
Location
South East Texas
From the Huckleberry Press, contributed by Tracy Stringfellow, who is a farm wife...
Your name is taped to the side of a cake pan.
You call the implement dealer and he recognizes your voice.
The vet's number is on the speed dial of your phone.
You know how to change a flat but can't because the spare is being used on a flatbed.
Your second vehicle is still a pick-up.
If your husband has ever used field equipment to maintain your yard.
You are in the habit of buying foodstuffs in bulk.
A night out involves the local 4-H club.
The word "auction" makes you tingle.
If you ever have washed your kids or the dishes with a pressure washer.
If "picking-rock" is a chance to get out of the house.
If "wild game" has more to do with dinner than the bed-room.
If "a little lunch" means six courses and a desert made from scratch.
If the "fresh ingredients" youir receipe calls for means a trip to the garden.
Taking lunch to the field is as close as you get to having a picnic.
That pail with a hole in it is a flower pot in the making.
If your rock garden was hand picked.
If you can mend a pair of pants AND the fence that tore them.
If the shopping list in your purse includes the sizes of filters, tires, chains, belts, lights, cables, spark plugs, or shot gun shells.
If you ever went on a date to a rodeo.
Your tan lines are somewhere between your shoulder and your elbow.
You are gratefull for nail polish because it hides the dirt under your nails.
If you ever have called your husband to supper using a radio.
You buy antiques because they match the rest of your furniture.
If being taken out to dinner has ever included a talk by a farm & seed dealer.
Your mail box looks like a piece of farm equipment.
If your kid's wading pool has ever doubled as a stock tank or vice versa.
You have a yard but not a lawn.
You have alot of machinery...each piece worth more than your house.
The leaky barn roof gets fixed before the leak in your kitchen.
Duct tape is always on the shopping list.
You can best see your neighbor's place through binoculars.
The tractor and combine have air-conditioning but your car doesn't.
The words, "Lacey" and "Frilly" refers to farm animals but not your night gown.
 

kolanuraven

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
10,861
Reaction score
4
GUILTY of about 90% of the above.......funny and SOOOOO true
 

Jinglebob

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 14, 2005
Messages
5,962
Reaction score
0
Location
Western South Dakota
the_jersey_lilly_2000 said:
You call the "omplementdealer" and he recognizes your voice.
.

I knew you folks down there talked a little different, but I'd never heard it like this before! :lol:
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 16, 2005
Messages
11,308
Reaction score
0
Location
South East Texas
oops, ya'll, I copied and pasted that and fully intended to fix 'whoever's' typo, and fergot, got to readin and countin how many of em describe me....totally fergot. hehe

Here's what it would look like (texas thang)

Yer name is taped on the side of a cake pan with duct tape.
You call the tractor place and he recognizes your voice and asks you about your kids.
The vet's number is on a magnet on yer fridgerator.
You know how to change a flat but can't because the spare is being used on a flatbed or front of tractor.
Your second vehicle is still a pick-up as well as your third.
If your husband has ever used a hay rake to rake the leaves in yer yard.
You are in the habit of buying foodstuffs in bulk.
A night out involves the local 4-H club or sittin on a bucket in the shop givin moral support to hubby while he works on somethin.
The word "auction" makes you tingle and have hand twitches.
If you ever have washed your kids or the dishes with a pressure washer or in a stock tank.
If "picking-rock" is a chance to get out of the house. (this is for those wives in haymakers area, we dont have rocks here)
If "wild game" has more to do with dinner than the bed-room.
If "a little lunch" means six courses and a desert made from scratch hauled out to the workin pens to feed the guys.
If the "fresh ingredients" your receipe calls for means a trip to the garden.
Taking lunch to the field is as close as you get to having a picnic.
That pail with a hole in it is a flower pot in the making. (already is)
If your rock garden was hand picked. (again, haymakers area)
If you can mend a pair of pants AND the fence that tore them. (I just did that last week)
If the shopping list in your purse includes the sizes of filters, tires, chains, belts, lights, cables, spark plugs, or shot gun shells, nuts, bolts.
If you ever went on a date to a rodeo. What better place for a date, they always have a dance afterward.
Your tan lines are somewhere between your shoulder and your elbow.
You are gratefull for nail polish because it hides the dirt under your nails.(This one does NOT fit me, I have no nails, and don't use nail polish)
If you ever have called your husband to supper using a radio, truck horn, or just step outside and give a big ole whistle.
You pick up things down at the barn, and hang on the wall, because it matches the rest of yer accessories.
If being taken out to dinner has ever included a talk by a farm & seed dealer at the local salebarn cafe.
Your mail box looks like a piece of farm equipment. (What mail box)
If your kid's wading pool has ever doubled as a stock tank or vice versa.
You have a yard but not a lawn.
You have alot of machinery...each piece worth more than your house. (This dont fit me, maybe all the machinery combined would be worth as much as my house.) hehe
The leaky barn roof gets fixed before the leak in your kitchen.(In my case it's the slow leak in my tire that will get fixed before somethin in the house)
Duct tape and carborator cleaner are always on the grocery list.
You can best see your neighbor's place through binoculars.
The tractor and combine have air-conditioning but your car doesn't. (Neither have a/c, all our tractors are open cab, and right now none of our vehicles a/c works, boy I"m not lookin forward to summer)
The words, "Lacey" and "Frilly" refers to farm animals but not your night shirt, never know when yer gonna hafta run outside durin the middle of the night to shoot somethin.
 

Soapweed

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2005
Messages
16,257
Reaction score
42
Location
northern Nebraska Sandhills
the_jersey_lilly_2000 said:
oops, ya'll, I copied and pasted that and fully intended to fix 'whoever's' typo, and fergot, got to readin and countin how many of em describe me....totally fergot. hehe

Glad you posted them, Jersey Lilly. They were appropriate, funny and true.
 

Mike

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 10, 2005
Messages
28,480
Reaction score
0
Location
Montgomery, Al
My wife was commenting the other day about cattle folks being comfortable using the words; "Semen", "Scrotum", and the like in mixed company.

I was asked to explain the semen collection process to a couple with an inquisitive teenage daughter not too long ago. The young girl sheepishly asked the amount of "ejaculate" produced by a single jump.

The parents quickly gathered their belongings while wondering aloud where she learned that word. :lol:
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 16, 2005
Messages
11,308
Reaction score
0
Location
South East Texas
Yeap Mike, if we didnt live in such a small close knit community I'd worry about some of the words the kids have learned over the years referrin to ranch life. Even tho there are kids at school that have no idea, Im sure Amanda can explain it to em. (and probably has)
 

the_jersey_lilly_2000

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 16, 2005
Messages
11,308
Reaction score
0
Location
South East Texas
I"ve never had a muddy calf in the bathtub, but have had them in my washroom on an old quilt by the hot water heater. One year had one little calf that loved to hang out under the dryer vent exhaust on the side of the house. I'd look out the washroom window, after puttin clothes in to dry, and it wouldn't be long that lil calf would come lay down right up under the vent.
 

Mrs.Greg

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2006
Messages
7,465
Reaction score
1
Location
Alberta
Sooo True Lilly,only difference we named our daughter Lacey not a calf!
 

HAY MAKER

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 13, 2005
Messages
8,789
Reaction score
0
Location
Texas
Yup,those things pretty much desribe a good woman,I remember Shelly telling us what she done around her place once,had me wanting ta move to Canada :D ................good luck
 

greg

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
1,064
Reaction score
0
Location
Alberta Canada
Yup Haymaker Canadian girls make good ranch wifes,even city girls,tease the wife you can take the girl outta the city but can't take the city outta the girl.After 27 years on ranch shes got it down good!
 

cert

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
595
Reaction score
0
Location
OH
Mike said:
My wife was commenting the other day about cattle folks being comfortable using the words; "Semen", "Scrotum", and the like in mixed company.

Couple years ago hubby and I drove out to the stockshow in Denver. That was our vacation. :wink: Our honeymoon was the show in Louisville.

Anyhow, we were eating breakfast at a truckstop on the west end of Kansas. We were discussing weather or not to stop at the bull stud there along 70 or not. We had discussed biosecurity issues for the place and settled on just a slow drive by.
During that conversation I had mentioned calling them ahead of time to see if we might could jump a bull on the way into the stock show next year. Well that consisted of finding out their regulations and the semen count, bla bla bla. Right about that time hubby kicked me. Seems as though everyone was watching us eat out hashbrowns and omlet while discussing collecting a bull.
Everyday chatter for us but evidentally not for them Kansas truck stop folk. Maybe that is why hubby doesn't go anywhere in public with me anymore. :shock: :D
 

Juan

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 15, 2005
Messages
752
Reaction score
0
Location
N.W.SD
If horse manure smells nearly as good as a rose but a molecule of gasoline or diesel drives you up the wall!!!!!
 

kolanuraven

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
10,861
Reaction score
4
Since I'm a woman and I sell mostly bulls....I love to get the farmer/rancher who is a wee bit uncomfortable talking cows w/ women. Thats when I launch into the stats of scrotal circum. and fertility and sexual appetite!

Oh....some of them really start to squirm...and of course if they been a jacka$$ I push it that much more.


Hmmmmm...... to bad us women can't judge our men by that standard. Now that would cause a revolution!!!!
 

Hanta Yo

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2005
Messages
3,653
Reaction score
13
Location
South Central Montana
Mike said:
My wife was commenting the other day about cattle folks being comfortable using the words; "Semen", "Scrotum", and the like in mixed company.

I was asked to explain the semen collection process to a couple with an inquisitive teenage daughter not too long ago. The young girl sheepishly asked the amount of "ejaculate" produced by a single jump.

The parents quickly gathered their belongings while wondering aloud where she learned that word. :lol:


Oh, well, Montana Cowgurl was about 3 yrs old when gramma, grampa and she drove down to the other end of the ranch where AI the cows. She pointed out the corrals and the AI chute to gramma and grampa and said, "That's where daddy puts babies up the cows butts!" We semen tested some bulls a number of years back and gave her a lesson on "motility" and "morphology". She absorbed every bit of it. It's not shameful, it's our way of life. We just stay away from some of the words around people who don't understand...unless, of course, they ask... :wink:
 

OldDog/NewTricks

Well-known member
Joined
May 24, 2005
Messages
3,443
Reaction score
0
Location
The Dam End of Silicon Valley
Ranch Girls!

When V_Key was in 5th Grade I was helping in a Field Day at school. Being the only male there I was incharge of Football

In a break the boys and I were talking when one young lad Popper Up and said –
“I wish my parents would talk to me about sex like you do V_Key - - She knows everything” :!:

“Has she Talked to you about STEERS?”
“YES!”
Dead Serious I said
“Talk is OK but Don’t Let Me Hear any of you Tried to Get Her to Show You Anything”
As I was pulling my knife out –

In their 20 those boy still speak of that and how I scared the H3ll outa them!

They also laugh about coming to pick-her-up for dates and the Shot Gun I’d be Cleaning!
 

Latest posts

Top