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December 12, 2012

Race for White House Wide Open After Hillary Leaves Office in 2024

Posted by Andy Borowitz


WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The race for the White House will most likely be "wide open" after Hillary Clinton serves her two terms as President, experts agree.

"What happens in 2024 is anyone's guess—and if anyone tells you differently, they're lying," says political science professor Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota. "The only thing we can say with any certainty is that Hillary Clinton will be elected President by a landslide in 2016 and reëlected by an even bigger margin in 2020."


Mr. Logsdon says that possible Republican Presidential candidates in 2024 could include Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, and former Florida Governor Jeb Bush, with this caveat: "If any of those men have the misfortune of running against Hillary in 2016 or 2020, she will defeat them so soundly that their political careers will be finished and they will vanish from public life forever."

As for the future of the Democratic Party after Hillary's two terms are over, Mr. Logsdon offers this prediction: "I can tell you right now that Hillary's Presidency will be so successful that she will usher in a Democratic dynasty of sorts. I'm not a betting man, but if I had to guess, I'd say that after eight years of Hillary there will be eight years of Michelle, then eight years each for Chelsea, Sasha, and Malia."

But "not so fast," says Democratic strategist Tracy Klugian, who believes such predictions sell Hillary short: "Assuming her current poll numbers hold up in 2024, I think it's safe to say that Hillary Clinton will be the most popular President in U.S. history. In that event, the Twenty-second Amendment, which limits the President to two terms, will be repealed and Hillary will run again."

Mr. Logsdon, however, scoffs at that scenario: "If the Twenty-second Amendment is repealed, Bill will run again."
Click to expand...


God help us... But even tho I know this is satire- if the Republican Party keeps fighting and further dividing themselves, and the Tea Party extremists keep running away Independent, moderate, women, minority, and the academia voters, this could easily be the scenario for the country for years to come...
 
In separate interviews with civil rights icons Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, both men called on President Obama to apologize for his "overtly racist" comments in criticizing Rush Limbaugh and FOX News. "It's like we get the first African-American president," stated a visibly disappointed Jesse Jackson, "and he goes out spewing all this racist hatred about white people who disagree with him. It's like Selma all over again."

Al Sharpton could hardly agree more. "We were looking for hope! We were looking for change! We were looking forward to 'getting there' someday, and he throws it all away with vicious and hateful racist comments critical of Rush Limbaugh only 'cause he's white. Is this what it means to 'get there?'"

Juan_Williams.jpg
Political commentator Juan Williams, who used to be black before joining FOX News, was also saddened. "I don't know what went wrong. I was a huge Obama supporter, but his comments really hurt me as a former black man. And the timing is so ironic. After a public service announcement by some concerned citizens about racial harmony gets published on YouTube, it becomes apparent that the president has been drinking some strong blend of racist coffee."

Farrakhan.jpg
Minister Louis Farrakhan explained the matter in simple mathematical terms.

"I realized I was wrong to suggest he was the messiah," Farrakhan said. "You see, he is America's 44th president – 44! 44 is the caliber of Dirty Harry's handgun, and Dirty Harry was played by a white man who was very intolerant. Now we have this intolerant president who's half white and a racist. Let's be intellectually honest here, if you criticize a white man for any reason, you hate white men. How can we achieve racial harmony with this kind of president?"

Minister Farrakhan could not be reached for further comment and has had his calls forwarded to the Mother Wheel.

In other news, Secretary of the Treasury, Jacob Lew, stated that the recent IRS auditing of Jackson, Sharpton, Williams, and Farrakhan is "purely coincidental."
 
Funny thing about left wingers
1. Bad stand-up comedy.
2. They all seem to be about 12 years old.
3. They care about what famous people think about things.
4. They're willing to give murderers the benefit of the doubt.
5. They think that people who don't share their opinions are evil.
6. They think caring for children is saddling them with debt and think
Killing unborn babies is caring
 
Larrry said:
Funny thing about left wingers
1. Bad stand-up comedy.
2. They all seem to be about 12 years old.
3. They care about what famous people think about things.
4. They're willing to give murderers the benefit of the doubt.
5. They think that people who don't share their opinions are evil.
6. They think caring for children is saddling them with debt and think
Killing unborn babies is caring
Click to expand...

A huge number of them are also "pro abortion". A shame their parents didn't have the same beliefs.
 

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