Yesterday I was at my local Kroger buying a large bag of Purina
dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog. I was in the
check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did
she think I had an elephant?
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her
that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I
added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital
last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and
IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet
and that the way that it works is, you load your pants pockets with
Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to
try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in
line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant
and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard. Kroger won't let me shop there anymore. Better
watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world
to think of crazy things to say.
dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog. I was in the
check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did
she think I had an elephant?
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her
that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I
added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital
last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and
IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet
and that the way that it works is, you load your pants pockets with
Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to
try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in
line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant
and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard. Kroger won't let me shop there anymore. Better
watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world
to think of crazy things to say.
