A
Anonymous
Guest
Subject: Dogs & Cats & Light Bulbs
How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?
>
> 1. Golden Retriever:
> The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead
of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out-bulb?
>
> 2. Border Collie:
> Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
>
> 3. Dachshund:
> You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
>
> 4. Rottweiler:
> Make me.
>
> 5. Boxer:
> Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
>
> 6. Lab:
> Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!
> Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please,
> please!
>
> 7. German Shepherd:
> I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check
> to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter
> patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
>
> 8. Jack Russell Terrier:
> I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
>
> 9. Old English Sheep Dog:
> Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?
>
> 10. Cocker Spaniel:
> Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
>
> 11. Chihuahua:
> Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
>
> 12. Pointer:
> I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...
>
> 13. Greyhound:
> It isn't moving. Who cares?
>
> 14. New Zealand Sheep Dog:
> First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
>
> 15. Poodle:
> I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear, and he'll do it. By the
> time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
>
> The Cat's Answer:
> "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the
> real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light,
some dinner, and a massage?"
>
> ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.
>
> What is a Cat?
>
> 1. Cats do what they want.
> 2. They rarely listen to you.
> 3. They're totally unpredictable.
> 4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
> 5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
> 6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
> 7. They're moody.
> 8. They leave hair everywhere.
>
> CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
>
> What is a Dog?
>
> 1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of
> furniture in the house.
> 2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but
> don't hear you when you're in the same room.
> 3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
> 4. They growl when they are not happy.
> 5. When you want to play, they want to play.
> 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
> 7. They leave their toys everywhere.
> 8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give
> you a kiss.
> 9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.
>
> CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats.
How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?
>
> 1. Golden Retriever:
> The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead
of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out-bulb?
>
> 2. Border Collie:
> Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
>
> 3. Dachshund:
> You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
>
> 4. Rottweiler:
> Make me.
>
> 5. Boxer:
> Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
>
> 6. Lab:
> Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!
> Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please,
> please!
>
> 7. German Shepherd:
> I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check
> to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter
> patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
>
> 8. Jack Russell Terrier:
> I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
>
> 9. Old English Sheep Dog:
> Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?
>
> 10. Cocker Spaniel:
> Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
>
> 11. Chihuahua:
> Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
>
> 12. Pointer:
> I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...
>
> 13. Greyhound:
> It isn't moving. Who cares?
>
> 14. New Zealand Sheep Dog:
> First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
>
> 15. Poodle:
> I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear, and he'll do it. By the
> time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
>
> The Cat's Answer:
> "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the
> real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light,
some dinner, and a massage?"
>
> ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.
>
> What is a Cat?
>
> 1. Cats do what they want.
> 2. They rarely listen to you.
> 3. They're totally unpredictable.
> 4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
> 5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
> 6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
> 7. They're moody.
> 8. They leave hair everywhere.
>
> CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
>
> What is a Dog?
>
> 1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of
> furniture in the house.
> 2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but
> don't hear you when you're in the same room.
> 3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
> 4. They growl when they are not happy.
> 5. When you want to play, they want to play.
> 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
> 7. They leave their toys everywhere.
> 8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give
> you a kiss.
> 9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.
>
> CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats.
