Subject: SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the

heaviest element yet known to science.  The new element has been named

"Governmentium".  Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.  These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons,

which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called

peons.

 Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.  However, it can

be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to

complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but,

instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant

neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass! will actually increase over time, since each

reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that

Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in

concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical

Morass".

 When catalyzed with money Governmentium becomes Administratium, an

element which radiates just as much energy, since it has 1/2 as many peons

but twice as many morons.

(writer unknown)