Julie
Well-known member
and while we are on the topic, my friend Welda offered this for print last week 
If you don't know poop
Welda McKinley Grider
The newest among us ranchers are those who buy a part of the old American West and come out to shoot, root and toot on their own piece of glory in a subdivision.
I've had many amusing stories about the "new ones."
The one who thought a bull had a bellyache because he was bellering. Then the one who thought the calf couldn't get milk because he was nudging his mother in the belly.
But a couple of weeks ago, I got one that takes the cake - or the pie in this instance, as in cow pie.
The gal who called me is one of the most intelligent people I've met and retired from a very prestigious job. She has come to our area and has fit in very well.
But she called and said some of our cattle "broke into her house," damaged a door and some stuff.
We didn't deny this could happen but cattle seldom will get on a porch and hang out if the house is occupied. But as any rancher knows, it could happen.
Cows are known for eating electric wire off trailers and various other obnoxious things so it could happen.
She called back and wondered if it might have been horses? I said that makes better sense to me. Horses, certainly pet horses, have no qualms about porches and the people who might live there.
She asked if I could tell by the poop? I said, "Certainly."
She said, "Well, I swept off the porch so it's lost its integrity."
I grinned to myself. I had never heard poop had "integrity" much less "lost integrity."
I went to her house and on the way to the door, I could tell by the tracks it had been horses. At least two horses, one shod and one not. I could easily tell the poop was horse droppings.
I showed her the tracks and how they differ from cow tracks. I explained that I could tell it was horse manure by the way it's made. I didn't have to go far out in the pasture to find a dried up cow patty and then as luck would have it I showed her where a bull had passed his last meal.
She asked me how I could tell bull manure from cow manure?
I told her something bad happens in a bull digestive track and the end result is usually propelled out.
I explained horse poop is hard and round. Cow poop is usually wet and flat. I said, "You obviously don't know poop."
She had to agree.
I said, "From now on, in meetings when you talk, I can honestly say, She doesn't know poop, don't listen to her."
I found it amusing that with her level of education and my lack thereof - I was educating her about poop.
I asked her if she wanted to know the moral of this little story?
"If you don't know poop, don't talk poop."
A pretty good moral for all of us to live by.
Welda McKinley Grider - local rancher who knows her poop.
If you don't know poop
Welda McKinley Grider
The newest among us ranchers are those who buy a part of the old American West and come out to shoot, root and toot on their own piece of glory in a subdivision.
I've had many amusing stories about the "new ones."
The one who thought a bull had a bellyache because he was bellering. Then the one who thought the calf couldn't get milk because he was nudging his mother in the belly.
But a couple of weeks ago, I got one that takes the cake - or the pie in this instance, as in cow pie.
The gal who called me is one of the most intelligent people I've met and retired from a very prestigious job. She has come to our area and has fit in very well.
But she called and said some of our cattle "broke into her house," damaged a door and some stuff.
We didn't deny this could happen but cattle seldom will get on a porch and hang out if the house is occupied. But as any rancher knows, it could happen.
Cows are known for eating electric wire off trailers and various other obnoxious things so it could happen.
She called back and wondered if it might have been horses? I said that makes better sense to me. Horses, certainly pet horses, have no qualms about porches and the people who might live there.
She asked if I could tell by the poop? I said, "Certainly."
She said, "Well, I swept off the porch so it's lost its integrity."
I grinned to myself. I had never heard poop had "integrity" much less "lost integrity."
I went to her house and on the way to the door, I could tell by the tracks it had been horses. At least two horses, one shod and one not. I could easily tell the poop was horse droppings.
I showed her the tracks and how they differ from cow tracks. I explained that I could tell it was horse manure by the way it's made. I didn't have to go far out in the pasture to find a dried up cow patty and then as luck would have it I showed her where a bull had passed his last meal.
She asked me how I could tell bull manure from cow manure?
I told her something bad happens in a bull digestive track and the end result is usually propelled out.
I explained horse poop is hard and round. Cow poop is usually wet and flat. I said, "You obviously don't know poop."
She had to agree.
I said, "From now on, in meetings when you talk, I can honestly say, She doesn't know poop, don't listen to her."
I found it amusing that with her level of education and my lack thereof - I was educating her about poop.
I asked her if she wanted to know the moral of this little story?
"If you don't know poop, don't talk poop."
A pretty good moral for all of us to live by.
Welda McKinley Grider - local rancher who knows her poop.
On Thanksgiving day we had a really sweet young woman{from Ontario} visiting us,who apparently is NOT a farm girl AT ALL,when she first drove in the yard she said to my son,Oh look,cows{they were horses} 
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: