passin thru
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- Apr 6, 2005
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Ireland Declares War on France
>
> Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his
> telephone rings. "Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said.
> "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am
> ringing
> to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
>
>
> "Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
> your army?" "Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there
> is meself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire
> darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"
>
> Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy that I have 100,000 men in my
> army
> waiting to move on my command." "Begorra!" says Paddy. "I'll have to
> ring you back.
>
>
> Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is
> still
> on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "And what
> equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks. "Well, we have two combines,
> a
> bulldozer, and Marphy's farm tractor." Chirac sighs amused. "I must
> tell
> you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers.
> Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."
> "Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
>
>
> Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is
> Still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified
> Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit,
> and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!" Chirac was
> silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you,
> Paddy,
> that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are
> surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites and since we
> last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!" "Jesus, Mary, and
> Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."
>
> Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
> Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."
> "Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change
> Of heart?" "Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of
> Guinness and decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 French
> prisoners."
>
> Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his
> telephone rings. "Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said.
> "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am
> ringing
> to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
>
>
> "Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
> your army?" "Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there
> is meself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire
> darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"
>
> Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy that I have 100,000 men in my
> army
> waiting to move on my command." "Begorra!" says Paddy. "I'll have to
> ring you back.
>
>
> Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is
> still
> on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "And what
> equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks. "Well, we have two combines,
> a
> bulldozer, and Marphy's farm tractor." Chirac sighs amused. "I must
> tell
> you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers.
> Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."
> "Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
>
>
> Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is
> Still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified
> Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit,
> and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!" Chirac was
> silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you,
> Paddy,
> that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are
> surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites and since we
> last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!" "Jesus, Mary, and
> Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."
>
> Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
> Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."
> "Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change
> Of heart?" "Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of
> Guinness and decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 French
> prisoners."
