Q & A Australia

[Juan]

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour

__________________________________________________

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

__________________________________________________

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

__________________________________________________

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

__________________________________________________

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and HerveyBay ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die of?

__________________________________________________

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe ..
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

__________________________________________________

Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

_________________________________________________

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

__________________________________________________

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

__________________________________________________

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )

A: You are a British politician, right?

____________________________ ______________________

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.

__________________________________________________

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

__________________________________________________

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

__________________________________________________

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

__________________________________________________

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male popula tion? ( Italy )

A: Yes, gay night clubs.

__________________________________________________

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.

__________________________________________________

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..

__________________________________________________

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

 

[Yanuck]

I worked in Australia for 8 months and when people realized I was from Canada would tell me about people they knew in Toronto and had I ever met them? (I grew up in Alberta!) I've also had Americans ask since American and Canadian Thanksgivings are different, does Canada celebrate Xmas on December 25 or is it on a different day also?!!!!

 

[Silver]

I think someone may be pulling our legs.... I have this version of the same joke:

Believe it or not these
questions about Canada were
posted on an International
Tourism Website.

Obviously the answers are a
joke; but the questions were
really asked!


Q: I have never seen it warm on
Canadian TV, so how do the
plants grow? (England)
A. We import all plants fully
grown and then just sit around
and watch them die.


Q: Will I be able to see Polar
Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've
been drinking.


Q: I want to walk from Vancouver
to Toronto - can I follow the
Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand
miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in
the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say
about Swedes.


Q: Are there any ATM's (cash
machines) in Canada?


Can you send me a list of them
in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton
and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave
die?

Q: Can you give me some
information about hippo racing
in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle
shaped continent south of Europe
Ca-na-da is that big country to
your North...oh forget it.


Sure, the hippo racing is every
Tuesday night in Calgary.


Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in
Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180
degrees Contact us when you get
here and we'll send the rest of
the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into
Canada? (England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers
like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna
Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint
little country bordering
Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget
it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir
plays every Tuesday night in
Vancouver and in Calgary,
straight after the hippo races.
Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in
Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.


Q: I have developed a new
product that is the fountain of
youth. Where can I sell it in
Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers
of Americans gather.


Q: Can you tell me the regions
in British Columbia where the
female population is smaller
than the male population?
(Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.


Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving
in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in
Toronto and is milk available
all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful
civilization of Vegan
hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a
famous animal in Canada, but I
forget its name. It's a kind of
big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are
tall and very violent, eating
the brains of anyone walking
close to them. You can scare
them off by spraying yourself
with human urine before you go
out walking.


Q: Will I be able to speak
English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to
learn it first.