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The BRA as MC recites it

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Mountain Cowgirl

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One of the most recited poems by cowboys still.
Is that one about bra shopping by Hirschi, Bill.
The crowds laugh, but I have some concerns about the bra.
Why women's undergarments are such a ha ha?

So now is the BRA a rodeo organization or club?
Is it among groups like PRCA and PBA, what say you bub?
I hope not because it dashes my hope for a buckle.
You see my bust size is one of school girl chuckle.

How is it that a cowboy knows so much about bras?
Unless they have strapped one on their hairy ta ta’s!
Bill wrote a poem about bras and ranch women.
How did he know so much unless he was leanin femin?

Read his poem, he makes an attempt to explain.
It has the credence of him standing hatless in the rain.
He knows too much about female undergarment top wear.
To have learned it in the store or even the county fair.

When a man has studied bras with such precise detail.
Detail of style observed when his wife sent him to the bra sale.
Such knowledge makes one eye squint and the other raise eyebrow!
Why didn’t this cowboy stay home instead of his wife with the cow?

He has some lame reasoning about going to a cattle shipping sale!
Like that is something his wife couldn’t do, just only he a male.
He couldn’t tell her, "Well Honey if you need a bra to wear.
You take the cows to shippin, cause I ain’t goin in there."

How did he not know that his wife’s pushup padded made her larger in size?
Why is it only after taught by the clerks at the store, that he was educated and wise?
He can spot an injury on an old cow at half a mile.
He can analyze her diet with just a cow pile.

Yet his wife's increase in bust size when a bra is donned.
Was never observed in all the years of their marital bond.
It was that enlighten day at the store with racks full of the bra.
That he noticed the difference while the clerks laughed ha ha.

I guess I don’t understand why the cowboy was putting his wife’s boob in his hat.
But it did come in handy when he was quizzed for her size, bust, cup, and all of that.
Why did he choose one with lace over one more plain, supportive, and wouldn't hurt her back?
Why didn't the clerks tell him that a woman's top undergarment isn't tack?

I am willing to bet the sales receipt was saved and the bra taken back.
The next time his wife went to town, with receipt and bra in the sack.
When she came home with a plain one with lots of push-up and mat.
Then with her new bra donned - her boob, no longer fit in his hat.

9/24/2022 By Faye Fox alias Mountain Cowgirl
 
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Mountain Cowgirl

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For those that may not have read or heard The Bra

Here is The Bra by Bill Hirschi

You know, I’ve never been much for shopping
In fact I try to stay away from town –
Except when shipping time comes,
I ain’t easily found.

But the day came when I had to go
And I left the kids with Ma.
But before I left, she asked me,
“Would you pick me up a bra?”

Without thinkin’ I said “sure,”
How tough could that job be?
I bent down and kissed her
and said, “I’ll be back by three.”

Well, when I done the things I needed
I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing,
I was working up a sweat.

I crossed the street to the ladies shop
With my hat pulled over my eyes,
I wasn’t takin’ any chances
On bein’ recognized.

I walked right up to the sales clerk
I didn’t hem or haw.
I told the lady right straight out,
“Ma’am, I’m here to buy a bra.”

From behind I heard some snickers
So I turned around to see
At least fifteen women in the store,
And they’s all gawkin’ at me!

“What kind would you be looking for?”
“Well,” I just scratched my head.
I’d only seen one kind before
“Thought bras was bras,” I said.

She gives me a disgusted look
“Well sir, that’s where you’re wrong.
Come with me,” I heard her say,
And like a dog, I tagged along.

She took me down this alley
Where bras was on display.
Well I thought my jaw’d hit the floor
When I seen that lingerie.

They had all these different styles
That I’d not seen before –
I thought that I’d go crazy
‘fore I left that women’s store.

They had bras you wear for eighteen hours,
And bras that cross your heart.
There was bras that lift and separate,
And that was just the start.

They had bras that made you feel
Like you weren’t wearing one at all.
And bras that you can train in
When you start off when you’re small.

Well, I finally made my mind up
Picked a black and lacy one.
I told the lady,
“Bag it up,” And figured I was done.

But then she asked me for the size.
I didn’t hesitate.
I knew them measurements by heart,
“Six and seven eighths.”

“Six and seven eighths, well sir,
That really isn’t right.”
“Oh yes ma’am, I’m positive,
I just measured them last night.”

I thought that she’d go into shock,
Musta took her by surprise.
When I told her that my wife’s bust
Was the same as my hat size.

“That’s what I use to measure with,
I figured it was fair;
But If I’m wrong I’m sorry ma’am.”
This drew another stare.

By now a crowd had gathered
And they’s all crackin’ up.
When the lady asked to see my hat,
To measure for the cup.

When she finally had it figured
I gave the gal her pay
I turned to leave the store,
Tipped my hat and said, “Good day.”

My wife heard the whole story
‘fore I ever made it home.
She’d talked to fifteen women
Who’d called her on the phone.

She was still a-laughin’
But by then I didn’t care.
Now she don’t ask and I don’t shop
For no more women’s underwear.
 
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