Justin
Well-known member
not sure if this has been posted before....
Squeeze Chute Test Of Love
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Putting the SQUEEZE on Love
by Gary Hodgson
I recently stumbled onto what probably is the most
important discovery of our century. It's nothing
insignificant like the fountain of youth, a cure for the
common cold or intelligent life on Mars (or in
Washington DC). Nope, I've really discovered something.
I've discovered the secret to a long, happy marriage.
If couples contemplating marriage will follow my directions,
they will know immediately if they are marrying the
right person. My secret?
A SQUEEZE CHUTE!!!!!!
Yep, those hinged, noisy, finger-pinching, knuckle-rappin',
labor saving devices mark the hidden path to marital bliss.
Forget showers for the prospective bride that only give
her the impression that her towels will always match
and her life will always have a place for a cappuccino
machine. Discontinue bachelor parties where the groom
gets the idea he'll still be able to get together with his
buddies once in a while to have a wild 'boys' night out'
without suffering dire consequences.
Instead of these time-honored and totally misleading
traditions, here's my plan. Weeks before the wedding,
before the invitations have been printed and the church
reserved, assemble the bride, groom, and about 70
uncooperative crossbred cows and one of the industry's
best squeeze chutes. The goal: With no outside
help, let the two lovebirds process the cattle through the
chute. Once this has been done, if they're still speaking
to each other, this marriage will last. In short, all the
problems a couple can encounter in life will be addressed
right then and there.
First, there's the question of authority. Who will be in
charge? The boss, you see, gets to run the chute. The
submissive partner brings the cattle up the alley to the
chute.
Once that issue has been addressed, there's the question
of forgiveness. There'll be one old cow that does not want
to go up the alley to the chute. She fights, bellers, and
flings all kinds of bodily fluids over the one trying to coax
her up the alleyway. Finally, after risking life and limb, the
cow charges up the alley and right out of the chute. The
'boss' on the head gate will likely miss her. How's the old
forgiveness test going?
Also there are lessons concerning compatibility to be
learned. An aggressive 'type A' personality on the chute
won't be satisfied with the performance of a laid back
'type B' bringing the cattle up. Hollering 'more cattle'
about 11 times usually brings a premature halt to the test
proceedings.
I know this system works. Not that long a go, I helped
my oldest daughter and her husband work cattle at their
feedlot. I was impressed at how well they worked together
all day long. (He runs the chute; she always has one ready
to enter) Those two will make it way past Valentine's Day.
My first wife and I worked cattle together. That's
probably why I must distinguish between first and second
when speaking of wives. My present partner in life and love
helped me put 400 yearling heifers through a chute on one
of our dates. Any gal who could stand that is okay by my
book. I ran the chute, but she told me how. That's
pretty much still our system and it's a good one.
So, the next time you see a couple looking all gooey-eyed
at each other, don't buy them a toaster; get 'em a ' Powder
River ' squeeze chute instead
Squeeze Chute Test Of Love
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Putting the SQUEEZE on Love
by Gary Hodgson
I recently stumbled onto what probably is the most
important discovery of our century. It's nothing
insignificant like the fountain of youth, a cure for the
common cold or intelligent life on Mars (or in
Washington DC). Nope, I've really discovered something.
I've discovered the secret to a long, happy marriage.
If couples contemplating marriage will follow my directions,
they will know immediately if they are marrying the
right person. My secret?
A SQUEEZE CHUTE!!!!!!
Yep, those hinged, noisy, finger-pinching, knuckle-rappin',
labor saving devices mark the hidden path to marital bliss.
Forget showers for the prospective bride that only give
her the impression that her towels will always match
and her life will always have a place for a cappuccino
machine. Discontinue bachelor parties where the groom
gets the idea he'll still be able to get together with his
buddies once in a while to have a wild 'boys' night out'
without suffering dire consequences.
Instead of these time-honored and totally misleading
traditions, here's my plan. Weeks before the wedding,
before the invitations have been printed and the church
reserved, assemble the bride, groom, and about 70
uncooperative crossbred cows and one of the industry's
best squeeze chutes. The goal: With no outside
help, let the two lovebirds process the cattle through the
chute. Once this has been done, if they're still speaking
to each other, this marriage will last. In short, all the
problems a couple can encounter in life will be addressed
right then and there.
First, there's the question of authority. Who will be in
charge? The boss, you see, gets to run the chute. The
submissive partner brings the cattle up the alley to the
chute.
Once that issue has been addressed, there's the question
of forgiveness. There'll be one old cow that does not want
to go up the alley to the chute. She fights, bellers, and
flings all kinds of bodily fluids over the one trying to coax
her up the alleyway. Finally, after risking life and limb, the
cow charges up the alley and right out of the chute. The
'boss' on the head gate will likely miss her. How's the old
forgiveness test going?
Also there are lessons concerning compatibility to be
learned. An aggressive 'type A' personality on the chute
won't be satisfied with the performance of a laid back
'type B' bringing the cattle up. Hollering 'more cattle'
about 11 times usually brings a premature halt to the test
proceedings.
I know this system works. Not that long a go, I helped
my oldest daughter and her husband work cattle at their
feedlot. I was impressed at how well they worked together
all day long. (He runs the chute; she always has one ready
to enter) Those two will make it way past Valentine's Day.
My first wife and I worked cattle together. That's
probably why I must distinguish between first and second
when speaking of wives. My present partner in life and love
helped me put 400 yearling heifers through a chute on one
of our dates. Any gal who could stand that is okay by my
book. I ran the chute, but she told me how. That's
pretty much still our system and it's a good one.
So, the next time you see a couple looking all gooey-eyed
at each other, don't buy them a toaster; get 'em a ' Powder
River ' squeeze chute instead
