OldDog/NewTricks
Well-known member
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
>
> She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
> Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
> Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
> Her boyfriend
> is on the cover of Playgirl.
> And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
>
>
> Keep reading-they get better!!!
>
>
> WOMEN'S REVENGE
>
> 'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
>
> As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
>
> 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
>
> 'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
>
> and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
>
>
>
> KEEP READING ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM.
>
>
> UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
>
> (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
>
> I know I'm not going to understand women.
>
> I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
>
> pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
>
> and still be afraid of a spider.
>
>
> LOTS MORE TO ENJOY...KEEP SCROLLING DOWN FOR A WHILE.
>
>
> MARRIAGE SEMINAR
>
> While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
>
> Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
>
> 'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
>
> He addressed the man,
>
> 'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
>
> Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
>
>
> LOTS MORE TO LAUGH AT...
>
> CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
>
> A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
>
> The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
>
> He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife..
>
> She directs him down the correct aisle.
>
> A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
>
> She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
>
> He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the
> store
>
> to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
> tobacco
>
> and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.
>
> So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
>
> (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
>
>
> KEEP ON READING .
>
>
> WIFE VS. HUSBAND
>
> A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
>
> An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
>
> neither of them wanted to concede their position.
>
> As they
> passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
>
> the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
>
> 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
>
>
> MORE AND MORE YET TO ENJOY.
>
>
> WORDS
>
> A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
>
> 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
>
> The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat
> everything to men....
>
> The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
>
>
> KEEP ON GOING.
>
>
> CREATION
>
> A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
>
> so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
>
> 'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
>
> God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
>
> God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !
>
>
> SCROLL DOWN SOME MORE...
>
>
> WHO DOES WHAT
>
> A man and his wife were having an argument about who
>
> should brew the coffee each morning.
>
> The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
>
>
> and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
>
> The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
>
> you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
>
> Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
> that the man should do the coffee.'
>
> Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me..'
>
> So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'
>
>
> YEP, THERE IS SOME MORE...
>
>
> The Silent Treatment
>
> A man and his wife were having some problems at home
>
> and were giving each other the silent treatment.
>
> Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife
> to wake him
>
> at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
>
> Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
> on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it.
>
> The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
> he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
>
> The paper said, 'It is 5:00AM. Wake up.'
>
> Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
>
> KEEP ON SCROLLING DOWN...
>
>
> God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
> draft before the masterpiece
>
>
> SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT! THIS IS THE END!!!
>
>
> She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
> Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
> Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
> Her boyfriend
> is on the cover of Playgirl.
> And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
>
>
> Keep reading-they get better!!!
>
>
> WOMEN'S REVENGE
>
> 'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
>
> As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
>
> 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
>
> 'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
>
> and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
>
>
>
> KEEP READING ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM.
>
>
> UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
>
> (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
>
> I know I'm not going to understand women.
>
> I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
>
> pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
>
> and still be afraid of a spider.
>
>
> LOTS MORE TO ENJOY...KEEP SCROLLING DOWN FOR A WHILE.
>
>
> MARRIAGE SEMINAR
>
> While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
>
> Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
>
> 'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
>
> He addressed the man,
>
> 'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
>
> Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
>
>
> LOTS MORE TO LAUGH AT...
>
> CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
>
> A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
>
> The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
>
> He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife..
>
> She directs him down the correct aisle.
>
> A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
>
> She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
>
> He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the
> store
>
> to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
> tobacco
>
> and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.
>
> So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
>
> (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
>
>
> KEEP ON READING .
>
>
> WIFE VS. HUSBAND
>
> A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
>
> An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
>
> neither of them wanted to concede their position.
>
> As they
> passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
>
> the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
>
> 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
>
>
> MORE AND MORE YET TO ENJOY.
>
>
> WORDS
>
> A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
>
> 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
>
> The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat
> everything to men....
>
> The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
>
>
> KEEP ON GOING.
>
>
> CREATION
>
> A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
>
> so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
>
> 'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
>
> God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
>
> God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !
>
>
> SCROLL DOWN SOME MORE...
>
>
> WHO DOES WHAT
>
> A man and his wife were having an argument about who
>
> should brew the coffee each morning.
>
> The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
>
>
> and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
>
> The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
>
> you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
>
> Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
> that the man should do the coffee.'
>
> Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me..'
>
> So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'
>
>
> YEP, THERE IS SOME MORE...
>
>
> The Silent Treatment
>
> A man and his wife were having some problems at home
>
> and were giving each other the silent treatment.
>
> Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife
> to wake him
>
> at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
>
> Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
> on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it.
>
> The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
> he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
>
> The paper said, 'It is 5:00AM. Wake up.'
>
> Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
>
> KEEP ON SCROLLING DOWN...
>
>
> God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
> draft before the masterpiece
>
>
> SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT! THIS IS THE END!!!
>
