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the_jersey_lilly_2000

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A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name. "Well," said the would-be cattleman, "I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q, one son like the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y." "But where are all your cattle?" the friends asked. "None survived the branding."


An American tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is. "These, senor," replied the waiter in broken English, "are the cojones, how you say, the testicles, of the bull killed in the ring today." The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the dish and thought it was delicious. So he comes back the next evening and orders the same item. When it is served, he says to the waiter, "These cojones, or whatever you call them...are much smaller than the ones I had last night." "Yes, senor," replied the waiter, "You see...the bull, he does not always lose."


A farmer down the road had a fairly large herd of cows and three bulls. Each bull keeping a strict eye on his portion of the cows. A rumour comes around that the farmer is going to get another bull and the three bulls are standing in the field discussing this. The first bull says, "Well, there's no way he's going to get any of my cows." The second bull agrees, "Yeah, I'm not giving up any. He can wait till next year and get some of the new ones." The third bull who was a bit smaller says, "I don't have as many as you guys so I'm not giving any up." Finally, the new bull arrives. The first three gather at the edge of the field to watch him being unloaded from the trailor. To their consternation, the biggest, meanest Brahma bull they have ever seen comes strolling down the ramp and glares at them. He's at least three times bigger than any of them. The first bull looks around nervously and says, "Well now, I suppose it would be a neighbourly thing to give this guy some cows. I think I'll give him twenty of mine." The second bull says, "Yeah, I guess so, I'll give him thirty of mine." They look over at the small bull. He's busy pawing the grass, snorting, and shaking his head. They go over and ask him what he's doing and suggest that he should give up some cows too. He says, "Yes I know, I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull!"
 

OldDog/NewTricks

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Here's One I Like!
With Age Comes Smarts

This Farmer was forced to buy a new Rooster because of the old ones age.

The Old Rooster was sure upset when he saw the new Healthy, Strong, Young Rooster being unloaded and knew his days were limited. He was shaking in his boot as the - - Healthy, Strong, Young Rooster laid down the Law.

R/new - - I’m here I'm Healthy, I'm Strong, and I'm a Young Rooster
I’m taking over All the Hens :!:

R/old - - Do you have to take them all? Can’t you leave me just ONE?

R/new - - NO – their All Mine :!:

R/old - - I’ll make you a Bet – You’re a Healthy, Strong, Young Rooster –
I’ll race you around the Barn – if you win you get them all -
if I win I get to keep One Hen.

R/new - - Looking R/old over said – Sure, I can beat you any day :!:

So they lined up.

R/old - - Wait a second here – Your a Healthy, Strong, Young Rooster – can’t you allow me a 10 foot head start?
R/new - - Sure Ol’ Timer – I’ll give you a 15 foot head start :!:

So they line up - - 1, 2, 3, GO

As soon as the race started the R/old start to flap his wings and –
“Squack – Squack – Squack”

The Farmer see this from the house, grabs his shotgun and BANG – Kills the Healthy, Strong, Young Rooster - -

Turns to his friend and says:
“That’s the 5th Gay Rooster I’ve bought this week :!:
 

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