• If you are having problems logging in please use the Contact Us in the lower right hand corner of the forum page for assistance.

a little rant...

R

RobinFarmandRanch

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 30, 2009
Messages
412
Location
in da swamps of south LA
First off im sorry for having to rant on here, but this really aggrivates me.

about a year ago a buddy of mine came to me and asked if i would try to help his son get his act together. The kid wanted to learn about horses and farm work...so i agreed. The kid is 16 and i know thats a hard time in a kids life, but he was very disrespectful to his parents and teachers. he was lazy and was doing horrible in school.

my stipulations were that the kid needed to maintain at least a 2.5 GPA in school and be at my house after i got off of work every afternoon. he also had to show me his report card. the kid did great during the summer, helped me around the farm, i taught him to ride, how to work cows, and keep the fencelines up. i even gave him a 2 year old philly thati would break for him for when he had learned to ride. sold him a saddle and everything.

When school started back up he was still keeping up with everything. but for the last few months he started showing up alot less and come to find out was failing school. now i had sat down with the kid 3 times and tried to explain the situation he was putting everyone in. well he started showing up only when the weather was nice and it was convienent for him. so i had kinda just wrote him off from working with me.

well wednesday i was workin on some fenceline close to the road and his dad stopped to ask why his son hadnt been comin around anymore. i said i didnt know. he told me the whole situation that this kid had been suspended from school, had a 1.5 gpa, and was still being lazy around the house. now i thought of this kid as a little brother and for him to disrespect not only his parents but me like that really set me off.

so last night, i sat down with the kid and his dad for two hours explaining how he was driving his parents apart and how he's lost his dad's trust and mine also. I also told him how all he did was take advantage of the people in his life and how he would never make it in the real world like that. all i can hope is that he took some of the stuff that was said to heart and realize what he was doing.

sorry for the rant, but it just really upsets me that he was given everything he asked for and didnt even care. It sucks to think that this is the way some kids are acting nowadays.
 
Don't give up on him. You may be the ONE person in his life that makes a difference and if you do give up...then you've only proven him right. That no one cares. So hang in there. Even if there's humps and bumps in the road....I'm not sayin go easy on him.....not at all. Make him pull his grades outta the ditch and continue on the path that you've laid out for him. You just never know when or how you can influence someone's life for the better. I know ya said you had a sit down with him and his dad.....maybe one more sit down with just you and him. Sometimes havin a parent there ain't always the best thing. Not sayin it was wrong. Not at all. Just keep reachin. Long as he's not doin anything illegal involving you or your livestock....you just might make the difference he's lookin for.
 
i did tell him that i wasnt going to give up completely on him. i do want him to straighten up and get his act together and as soon as he does that, hes more than welcome to come back. ive had numerous talks with him at the barn while we were working. i just hope that he realized that living the life like i do is a privilege and nothing is given to you, you have to earn it.
 
Maybe try usin some reverse psycology on him. Instead of when he gets his grades up he can come back......make him work his butt off as well as get his grades up....then he can have time off as a reward???
 
Teenagers are put on the earth so we can lok back on the diaper days with fondness. Don't give up although it can be tempting. Some kids just aren't cut out for high marks in school-doesn't mean they are dumb or lazy necessarily.
 
For what it's worth, here's some Mom advice... :wink:

I think this kid is at a crossroads. I also think that you are just the kind of role model he really needs right now. Don't insist that he improves his grades before he can come back. That's the same as conditional love, and if there is one thing a kid needs in his life is to know that someone cares about them no matter what. If they think you only care about them if they perform whatever you ask, then they really don't believe that you care at all.

Get him back, grades or not. At least if he's hanging around your place he is being exposed to a work ethic, and those talks you have with him will rub off, I guarantee it. They learn a lot more from example than we realize.

I was a 4H leader for a few years, and we got a lot of flack for letting the kids basically make all the major decisions for the club. Rather than letting the parents wade in, we allowed the kids to use their own judgement, and they pretty much did everything themselves. It was chaotic sometimes, and they made a few mistakes, but over time they turned into an amazing group. I met one of those kids a few years later, and was surprised and touched when he told me that those years of 4H gave him the happiest childhood memories he had.

We had no idea at the time the effect of letting those kids grow on their own would have, but by looking at the whole bunch of them now, we sure do. This boy is soaking up more than you think, and just needs some time to find himself.

Don't give up on him. 8)
 
My opinion, which isn't being asked for, invest your time and resources into a kid that has some interest and discipline. Don't waste your time.
 
I am in no way saying give up on him....BUT at every crossroad we do have to learn the most important rule in life. There are consequences to our actions. All consequences are NOT bad.

Remember the story of the father who for every bad deed his son made he put a nail in a post. When the son fixed his mistake he took the nail out. The father explained that the nails left a mark on the fence post just as the consequenses left a mark on the sons character.
 
Well tis could be a long Post BUT I'll try to keep it short.
I have been more or less Wild and Single all my life.
I guess that I helped some youth with out thinking. At 72 I am always running in to someone, or someone stops by, and they tell me something I did for them.

Most of the time, I did not know or even guess, that I did some thing that made a difference to them. In most cases I felt, in side, that I had Let them down some-how.

It seams that some times we/you can do things that make a "Difference" and never know it.

Well I said I'd keep this short...
 
There is soooo many kids that are willing that need alittle break that I guess I wouldn't waste my time... I wouldn't totally abandon him, but I wouldn't go outta my way... Rules are rules and it's either black or white in our world, no gray.... And you have to make an effort for success it just don't land in your lap... We are really tough on our kids... Now that is totally free advice so take it for what it's worth...
 
We have friends who are wonderful people. Hard working, industrious,
great people. Their kids are a different story. They've had every chance and they
have shown how selfish they are over and over.
They are now in their
20's. Basically the only time they come around, is to ask for money.
What ruined them? I'd really like to know, but I don't see much hope for
change. I worry about my grandson, but the problem there has been
parents who aren't consistent in discipline or anything else. Makes me
very sad. He was so interested in tractors, anything with a motor, but
he's lost that desire. He knew how to operate our tractor when he was
6 years old. He was riding with a neighbor who was running the swather
and it broke down. They got out and looked around and at 6 years old,
he told her what the problem was...and he was right!

I just don't know how you pick and choose who to help. They have to
show you they are interested. You have to have something to work with.
We've taken in kids all our married life; they are still very important to us

as we are to them. They are still 'our' kids, even though a couple are
in their 50's. They treat us better than our own daughter does. These
kids were very interested in learning and spending time with us so it
worked out very well. But I don't think you can FORCE it on a kid. Keep
the door open, but beyond that, it's up to them.

Good Luck!!! Let us know how this turns out. I'm actually praying for
that young man to realize the opportunity you have given him.
 
Faster horses said:
We have friends who are wonderful people. Hard working, industrious,
great people. Their kids are a different story. They've had every chance and they
have shown how selfish they are over and over.
They are now in their
20's. Basically the only time they come around, is to ask for money.
What ruined them? I'd really like to know, but I don't see much hope for
change. I worry about my grandson, but the problem there has been
parents who aren't consistent in discipline or anything else. Makes me
very sad. He was so interested in tractors, anything with a motor, but
he's lost that desire. He knew how to operate our tractor when he was
6 years old. He was riding with a neighbor who was running the swather
and it broke down. They got out and looked around and at 6 years old,
he told her what the problem was...and he was right!

I just don't know how you pick and choose who to help. They have to
show you they are interested. You have to have something to work with.
We've taken in kids all our married life; they are still very important to us

as we are to them. They are still 'our' kids, even though a couple are
in their 50's. They treat us better than our own daughter does. These
kids were very interested in learning and spending time with us so it
worked out very well. But I don't think you can FORCE it on a kid. Keep
the door open, but beyond that, it's up to them.
Good Luck!!! Let us know how this turns out. I'm actually praying for
that young man to realize the opportunity you have given him.
Click to expand...

I can can relate to all of what you said FH! I often see where there is a difference of opinion between married couples on how children should be raised. Too often kids get whatever they want without having to do something for it. Heck, I know kids that are in their 30's still living with their parents and getting coddled.
 
You never know how much influence you have. I just had a road visit with a young man who used to work for me. He reminded of a time 10 or so years ago when we were walking across a parking lot of a restaurant and gas station and a group of thugs were cleaning their truck contents out onto the parking lot. I asked them if they intended to put it all in a bag and into the garbage. He said he was a little scared as I stood there until it was cleaned up (I thought he was my back up :shock: ). He let me know that that is how he lives now, right is right and wrong is wrong. I might not do that today without better back up. :wink:
 
i really appreciate all the replies. its nice to be able to put things like this and have the opinions of "experienced minds" :D i have not wrote the kid off completely. if he gets his act together ill gladly let him come back to work for me.
 
I've always been a sucker for a hard case. I've found with my son, not to get on him like sayin how sorry he is for doin a bad job. But to tell him how sorry a gob he did and I won't stand for him, knowin how to do somethin rite, to do it wrong. I read a book by derik prence that said downin a youngin for not doin rite will make them worse. I praise my youngins everytime they need it and it seems to make them won't to do better. We got a lot of fence threw woods and every week have to check for limbs fallin. My son hates this. But loves ridein green colts. So I let him ride a colt to check the fence. That makes it fun for him, a colt gets some needed ridein and the fence gets checked and mended. But when he does somethin wrong, I don't try to rant and raise hell any more I just take them truck keys for a while. Don't give up on this boy. Let him come back and do the less fun jobs and set some goals for him. Praise him a lot. What's wrong with kids today is that paddle gone from school. Spair the rod, spoil the child.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top