V_Key
Well-known member
My Dad met a Cowboy named LURCH a few years back - Lurch works for PG&E in California and is a "Christan", he also take his own time to sends out eMails like this weekly.
I steal some of his material for my Post but it's time to give him credit!
His Weekly eMail is FREE
If you sign-up Please say I sent you
Sorry the Cartoons will not print here
Lurchogram-Joke of the Week
The Clean Way To Have Fun!
Sign of the Times
January 2006
~ National Step in a Puddle & Splash Your Friend Day ~
Introduction Photo: Sign of the Times #40
Introduction: Weekly "Tidbit"/One-Liner's #248
Bonus: Interesting Facts #1426~1430
Double Bonus: Question & Answer #293
Jokes of the Week: Front Porch 2003-12
Just Trying To Help Out Blonde At River
Triple Bonus: Instant Message
Ending Photo: Gif Mania
Web Site: Check Them Out Today:
* New: Itty Bitty #4: http://home.thegrid.net/~lurch
* Monthly Bonus 50: Ultimate Illusion's Collection #18,
Insurance Hall Of Fame #18,
Redneck Life #18:
http://home.thegrid.net/~lurch/monthlybonus.htm
~~~
Weekly "Tidbit"/One Liner's #248
WHAT HAPPENED WHAT YEAR
1957 USSR launches the Sputnik satellite into space. The EEC, European Economic Community, founded. The Medical Research Council links lung cancer with smoking.
~
Who gave me this name?
- Justin Case
Interesting Facts:
1426) Feeling bullish
In England from 1836 to 1896, the idea of a self-propelled vehicle was so fearsome that a law required a man with a red flag to walk in front of all such conveyances during the day and a man with a red lantern, at night. This effectively limited such vehicles to four miles an hour.
(Source: ISAAC ASIMOV'S BOOK OF FACTS)
1427) Didja Know...
More than 2500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people?
(Source: funnyfuel.com)
1428) A problem that needs addressing
The "Zip" in U. S. postal zip codes stands for Zone Improvement Plan. It came into use in 1963. It helps the Post Office deliver more mail in a day than FedEx does in a year. The Post Office also maintains a fleet of more than 200,000 vehicles.
(Source: DO FISH DRINK WATER?)
1429) Looney
If you have a green thumb, try moon gardening. The best growing conditions occur between the new and full moon.
(Source: THE HANDY SCIENCE ANSWER BOOK)
1430) Didja Know...
Didja Know... In the 100 years since its inception, there have been 19 years where there has been NO recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize? During World War I and II, there was one recipient: The International Red Cross Committee, which won in 1917 and 1944.
(Source: Nobel.se)
Question & Answer
>>>>>> <<<<<<
293) Question:
Why do we call unrealistic ideas pipe dreams?
Answer:
To understand the origins of the expression, imagine that in the 1960s a similar phrase likened unrealistic ideas to the kind of distorted thinking engendered by using LSD. The drug was often supplied on a sugar cube, so unrealistic ideas could have been called "sugar cube fantasies."
The 19th century equivalent of LSD was the hallucinogenic drug opium, imported into Europe from Asia. It was widely used in certain literary circles in Britain. Opium was smoked in a pipe and once under the influence, people had strange visions. But they were only pipe dreams.
(Source: WHY YOU SAY IT by Webb Garrison)
Front Porch 2003-12
Winter wonderland
One winter evening my daughter Anna found a jar of bubbles under the kitchen sink. I wouldn't allow her to blow them in the house, so when she asked if she could take them outside, I thought, Why not? She bundled up in her snowsuit and ran outside. It was so cold and humid enough that when the bubbles landed, they didn't pop. She blew bubbles all over the yard. The next morning, to our surprise, the bubbles had frozen like little glass balls. When we touched them, they shattered. The project became a regular event during long winter evenings.
-Linda Hacon Winwood, Jeannette, Pa.
Just thawing your locks
One day while visiting my mother, it began to snow. By the time I left, 2 to 3 inches of snow had accumulated outside. When I tried to unlock my car door, the key wouldn't turn. I tried warming the key with a match. When that was unsuccessful, I went back inside for a kettle of warm water. I poured the water over the lock, and it still wouldn't open, so I tried the passenger side. After about 15 minutes, a gentleman came out of the apartment building and asked if he could help. I said, "My locks seem to be frozen, and I can't open my car." He calmly told me, "That's because it's not your car." I sheepishly looked down the street and saw my own very similar car a short distance away!
-Eleanor Boldt, Abbotsford, B.C.
Snowballs, anyone?
My favorite snow story is about a tradition my parents started in 1966. The annual Fourth of July parade went by our house, so my parents saved snow from the winter in one of our freezers. We would cool off after the parade with a snowball fight. It was fun to see the looks on people's faces when a snowball went over the hedge and hit the ground.
-Anne Ross, Ames, Iowa
(Source: Focus on the Family magazine, December 2003)
6
Just trying to help out...
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window and she says, "Hi, my name is Jennifer and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Jennifer and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up and knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Jennifer, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.
When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Steve. It's winter in Wisconsin, and I'm driving the SALT truck!"
7
Blonde At River
A blonde is walking and comes to a river ... there's no bridge in sight. She sees another blonde on the opposite riverbank. "Yoo-hoo," she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up and down the river ... then shouts, "You are on the other side!"
Instant Message (Good message, food for thought)
This is very important! Please take the time to read!
Shannon could hear the footsteps behind her as she walked toward home. The thought of being followed made her heart beat faster. "You're being silly," she told herself, " no one is following you." To be safe, she began to walk faster, but the footsteps kept up with her pace. She was afraid to look back and she was glad she was almost home. She saw the porch light burning and ran the rest of the way to her house. Once inside, she leaned against the door for a moment, relieved to be in the safety of her home. She glanced out the window to see if anyone was there. The sidewalk was empty. After tossing her books on the sofa, she decided to grab a snack and get on-line. She logged on under her screen name ByAngel213. She checked her Buddy List and saw GoTo123 was on.
She sent him an instant message:
ByAngel213: Hi I'm glad you are on! I thought someone was following me home today. It was really weird!
GoTo123: You watch too much TV. Why would someone be following you Don't you live in a safe neighborhood?
ByAngel123: It must have been my imagination cuz' I didn't see anybody when I looked out.
GoTo123: Unless you gave your name on-line. You haven't done that have you?
ByAngel213: Of course not. I'm not stupid you know.
GoTo123: Did you have a softball game after school today?
ByAngel213: Yes and we won!!
GoTo123: That's great! Who did you play?
ByAngel213: We played the Hornets. Their uniforms are so gross! They look like bees.
GoTo123: What is your team called?
ByAngel213: We are the Canton Cats. We have tiger paws on our uniforms. They are really Cool.
GoTo123: Did you pitch?
ByAngel213: No I play second base. I got to go. My homework has to be done before my parents get home. I don't want them mad at me. Bye
GoTo123: Catch you later. Bye
MEANWHILE..........
GoTo123 went to the member menu and began to search for her profile. When it came up, he highlighted it and printed it out. He took out a pen and began to write down what he knew about Angel so far.
Her name is: Shannon Her Birthday: Jan. 3, 1985 Her Age: 13 The State where she lived: North Carolina Hobbies: softball, chorus, skating and going to the mall. Besides this information, he knew she lived in Canton because she had just told him. He knew she stayed by herself until 6:30 p.m. every afternoon until her parents came home from work. He knew she played softball on Thursday afternoons on the school team, and the team was named the Canton Cats. Her favorite number 7 was printed on her jersey. He knew she was in the seventh grade at the Canton Junior High School.
She had told him all this in the conversations they had on-line. He had enough information to find her now. Shannon didn't tell her parents about the incident on the way home from the ball park that day. She didn't want them to make a scene and stop her from walking home from the softball games. Parents were always overreacting and hers were the worst. It made her wish she was not an only child. Maybe if she had bothers and sisters, her parents wouldn't be so overprotective. By Thursday, Shannon had forgotten about the footsteps following her. Her game was in full swing when suddenly she felt someone staring at her. It was then that the memory came back. She glanced up from her second base position to see a man watching her closely. He was leaning against the fence behind first base and he smiled when she looked at him. He didn't look scary and she quickly dismissed the fear she had felt. After the game, he sat on a bleacher while she talked to the coach. She noticed his smile once again as she walked past him. He nodded and she smiled back. He noticed her name on the back of her shirt. He knew he had found her. Quietly, he walked a safe distance behind her.
It was only a few blocks to Shannon's home, and once he saw where she lived he quickly returned to the park to get his car. Now he had to wait. He decided to get a bite to eat until the time came to go to Shannon's house. He drove to a fast food restaurant and sat there until time to make his move. Shannon was in her room later that evening when she heard voices in the living room. "Shannon, come here," her father called. He sounded upset and she couldn't imagine why.
She went into the room to see the man from the ballpark sitting on the sofa. "Sit down," her father began, "this man has just told us a most interesting story about you."
Shannon moved cautiously to a chair across from the man. How could he tell her parents anything? She had never seen him before today!
"Do you know who I am, Shannon?" The man asked.
"No", Shannon answered. "I am a police officer and your online friend, GoTo123."
Shannon was stunned. "That's impossible! GoTo is a kid my age! He's 14 and he lives in Michigan!"
The man smiled. "I know I told you all that, but it wasn't true. You see Shannon there are people on-line who pretend to be kids; I was one of them. But while others do it to find kids and hurt them, I belong to a group of parents who do it to protect kids from predators.
I came here to find you to teach you how dangerous it is to give out too much information to people on-line.
You told me enough about yourself to make it easy for me to find you. Your name, the school you went to, the name of your ball team and the position you played. The number and name on your jersey just made finding you a breeze."
Shannon was stunned. "You mean you don't live in Michigan?" He laughed. "No, I live in Raleigh. It made you feel safe to think I was so far away, didn't it?"
She nodded. "I had a friend whose daughter was like you. Only she wasn't as lucky. The guy found her and murdered her while she was home alone. Kids are taught not to tell anyone when they are alone, yet they do it all the time on-line.
The wrong people trick you into giving out information a little here and there on-line. Before you know it, you have told them enough for them to find you without even realizing you have done it. I hope you've learned a lesson from this and won't do it again."
"I won't," Shannon promised solemnly. "Will you tell others about this so they will be safe too?"
"It's a promise!"
Please send this to as many people as you can (ADULTS as well as KIDS) to teach them not to give any information about themselves. This world we live in today is too dangerous to even give out our age, let alone anything else.
Give Someone Else A Lurchogram Smile
Refer them to the "Lurchogram-Joke of the Week"!
Have Them (or you) Email me with their First & Last Name, Email Address & Who Referred Them and They will be added to the following weeks "Lurchogram."
For Change of Email Address, Comments, Questions, Referrals, Submissions or Removal:
Email me at: [email protected]
For past Issues, Sayings, Monthly Bonus, May Family Page etc.:
Check out my Web Site at: http://home.thegrid.net/~lurch
*If you like the Lurchogram-Joke of the Week, please forward it to your friends.*
Until Next Week Lurch
I steal some of his material for my Post but it's time to give him credit!
His Weekly eMail is FREE
If you sign-up Please say I sent you
Sorry the Cartoons will not print here
Lurchogram-Joke of the Week
The Clean Way To Have Fun!
Sign of the Times
January 2006
~ National Step in a Puddle & Splash Your Friend Day ~
Introduction Photo: Sign of the Times #40
Introduction: Weekly "Tidbit"/One-Liner's #248
Bonus: Interesting Facts #1426~1430
Double Bonus: Question & Answer #293
Jokes of the Week: Front Porch 2003-12
Just Trying To Help Out Blonde At River
Triple Bonus: Instant Message
Ending Photo: Gif Mania
Web Site: Check Them Out Today:
* New: Itty Bitty #4: http://home.thegrid.net/~lurch
* Monthly Bonus 50: Ultimate Illusion's Collection #18,
Insurance Hall Of Fame #18,
Redneck Life #18:
http://home.thegrid.net/~lurch/monthlybonus.htm
~~~
Weekly "Tidbit"/One Liner's #248
WHAT HAPPENED WHAT YEAR
1957 USSR launches the Sputnik satellite into space. The EEC, European Economic Community, founded. The Medical Research Council links lung cancer with smoking.
~
Who gave me this name?
- Justin Case
Interesting Facts:
1426) Feeling bullish
In England from 1836 to 1896, the idea of a self-propelled vehicle was so fearsome that a law required a man with a red flag to walk in front of all such conveyances during the day and a man with a red lantern, at night. This effectively limited such vehicles to four miles an hour.
(Source: ISAAC ASIMOV'S BOOK OF FACTS)
1427) Didja Know...
More than 2500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people?
(Source: funnyfuel.com)
1428) A problem that needs addressing
The "Zip" in U. S. postal zip codes stands for Zone Improvement Plan. It came into use in 1963. It helps the Post Office deliver more mail in a day than FedEx does in a year. The Post Office also maintains a fleet of more than 200,000 vehicles.
(Source: DO FISH DRINK WATER?)
1429) Looney
If you have a green thumb, try moon gardening. The best growing conditions occur between the new and full moon.
(Source: THE HANDY SCIENCE ANSWER BOOK)
1430) Didja Know...
Didja Know... In the 100 years since its inception, there have been 19 years where there has been NO recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize? During World War I and II, there was one recipient: The International Red Cross Committee, which won in 1917 and 1944.
(Source: Nobel.se)
Question & Answer
>>>>>> <<<<<<
293) Question:
Why do we call unrealistic ideas pipe dreams?
Answer:
To understand the origins of the expression, imagine that in the 1960s a similar phrase likened unrealistic ideas to the kind of distorted thinking engendered by using LSD. The drug was often supplied on a sugar cube, so unrealistic ideas could have been called "sugar cube fantasies."
The 19th century equivalent of LSD was the hallucinogenic drug opium, imported into Europe from Asia. It was widely used in certain literary circles in Britain. Opium was smoked in a pipe and once under the influence, people had strange visions. But they were only pipe dreams.
(Source: WHY YOU SAY IT by Webb Garrison)
Front Porch 2003-12
Winter wonderland
One winter evening my daughter Anna found a jar of bubbles under the kitchen sink. I wouldn't allow her to blow them in the house, so when she asked if she could take them outside, I thought, Why not? She bundled up in her snowsuit and ran outside. It was so cold and humid enough that when the bubbles landed, they didn't pop. She blew bubbles all over the yard. The next morning, to our surprise, the bubbles had frozen like little glass balls. When we touched them, they shattered. The project became a regular event during long winter evenings.
-Linda Hacon Winwood, Jeannette, Pa.
Just thawing your locks
One day while visiting my mother, it began to snow. By the time I left, 2 to 3 inches of snow had accumulated outside. When I tried to unlock my car door, the key wouldn't turn. I tried warming the key with a match. When that was unsuccessful, I went back inside for a kettle of warm water. I poured the water over the lock, and it still wouldn't open, so I tried the passenger side. After about 15 minutes, a gentleman came out of the apartment building and asked if he could help. I said, "My locks seem to be frozen, and I can't open my car." He calmly told me, "That's because it's not your car." I sheepishly looked down the street and saw my own very similar car a short distance away!
-Eleanor Boldt, Abbotsford, B.C.
Snowballs, anyone?
My favorite snow story is about a tradition my parents started in 1966. The annual Fourth of July parade went by our house, so my parents saved snow from the winter in one of our freezers. We would cool off after the parade with a snowball fight. It was fun to see the looks on people's faces when a snowball went over the hedge and hit the ground.
-Anne Ross, Ames, Iowa
(Source: Focus on the Family magazine, December 2003)
6
Just trying to help out...
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window and she says, "Hi, my name is Jennifer and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Jennifer and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up and knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Jennifer, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.
When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Steve. It's winter in Wisconsin, and I'm driving the SALT truck!"
7
Blonde At River
A blonde is walking and comes to a river ... there's no bridge in sight. She sees another blonde on the opposite riverbank. "Yoo-hoo," she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up and down the river ... then shouts, "You are on the other side!"
Instant Message (Good message, food for thought)
This is very important! Please take the time to read!
Shannon could hear the footsteps behind her as she walked toward home. The thought of being followed made her heart beat faster. "You're being silly," she told herself, " no one is following you." To be safe, she began to walk faster, but the footsteps kept up with her pace. She was afraid to look back and she was glad she was almost home. She saw the porch light burning and ran the rest of the way to her house. Once inside, she leaned against the door for a moment, relieved to be in the safety of her home. She glanced out the window to see if anyone was there. The sidewalk was empty. After tossing her books on the sofa, she decided to grab a snack and get on-line. She logged on under her screen name ByAngel213. She checked her Buddy List and saw GoTo123 was on.
She sent him an instant message:
ByAngel213: Hi I'm glad you are on! I thought someone was following me home today. It was really weird!
GoTo123: You watch too much TV. Why would someone be following you Don't you live in a safe neighborhood?
ByAngel123: It must have been my imagination cuz' I didn't see anybody when I looked out.
GoTo123: Unless you gave your name on-line. You haven't done that have you?
ByAngel213: Of course not. I'm not stupid you know.
GoTo123: Did you have a softball game after school today?
ByAngel213: Yes and we won!!
GoTo123: That's great! Who did you play?
ByAngel213: We played the Hornets. Their uniforms are so gross! They look like bees.
GoTo123: What is your team called?
ByAngel213: We are the Canton Cats. We have tiger paws on our uniforms. They are really Cool.
GoTo123: Did you pitch?
ByAngel213: No I play second base. I got to go. My homework has to be done before my parents get home. I don't want them mad at me. Bye
GoTo123: Catch you later. Bye
MEANWHILE..........
GoTo123 went to the member menu and began to search for her profile. When it came up, he highlighted it and printed it out. He took out a pen and began to write down what he knew about Angel so far.
Her name is: Shannon Her Birthday: Jan. 3, 1985 Her Age: 13 The State where she lived: North Carolina Hobbies: softball, chorus, skating and going to the mall. Besides this information, he knew she lived in Canton because she had just told him. He knew she stayed by herself until 6:30 p.m. every afternoon until her parents came home from work. He knew she played softball on Thursday afternoons on the school team, and the team was named the Canton Cats. Her favorite number 7 was printed on her jersey. He knew she was in the seventh grade at the Canton Junior High School.
She had told him all this in the conversations they had on-line. He had enough information to find her now. Shannon didn't tell her parents about the incident on the way home from the ball park that day. She didn't want them to make a scene and stop her from walking home from the softball games. Parents were always overreacting and hers were the worst. It made her wish she was not an only child. Maybe if she had bothers and sisters, her parents wouldn't be so overprotective. By Thursday, Shannon had forgotten about the footsteps following her. Her game was in full swing when suddenly she felt someone staring at her. It was then that the memory came back. She glanced up from her second base position to see a man watching her closely. He was leaning against the fence behind first base and he smiled when she looked at him. He didn't look scary and she quickly dismissed the fear she had felt. After the game, he sat on a bleacher while she talked to the coach. She noticed his smile once again as she walked past him. He nodded and she smiled back. He noticed her name on the back of her shirt. He knew he had found her. Quietly, he walked a safe distance behind her.
It was only a few blocks to Shannon's home, and once he saw where she lived he quickly returned to the park to get his car. Now he had to wait. He decided to get a bite to eat until the time came to go to Shannon's house. He drove to a fast food restaurant and sat there until time to make his move. Shannon was in her room later that evening when she heard voices in the living room. "Shannon, come here," her father called. He sounded upset and she couldn't imagine why.
She went into the room to see the man from the ballpark sitting on the sofa. "Sit down," her father began, "this man has just told us a most interesting story about you."
Shannon moved cautiously to a chair across from the man. How could he tell her parents anything? She had never seen him before today!
"Do you know who I am, Shannon?" The man asked.
"No", Shannon answered. "I am a police officer and your online friend, GoTo123."
Shannon was stunned. "That's impossible! GoTo is a kid my age! He's 14 and he lives in Michigan!"
The man smiled. "I know I told you all that, but it wasn't true. You see Shannon there are people on-line who pretend to be kids; I was one of them. But while others do it to find kids and hurt them, I belong to a group of parents who do it to protect kids from predators.
I came here to find you to teach you how dangerous it is to give out too much information to people on-line.
You told me enough about yourself to make it easy for me to find you. Your name, the school you went to, the name of your ball team and the position you played. The number and name on your jersey just made finding you a breeze."
Shannon was stunned. "You mean you don't live in Michigan?" He laughed. "No, I live in Raleigh. It made you feel safe to think I was so far away, didn't it?"
She nodded. "I had a friend whose daughter was like you. Only she wasn't as lucky. The guy found her and murdered her while she was home alone. Kids are taught not to tell anyone when they are alone, yet they do it all the time on-line.
The wrong people trick you into giving out information a little here and there on-line. Before you know it, you have told them enough for them to find you without even realizing you have done it. I hope you've learned a lesson from this and won't do it again."
"I won't," Shannon promised solemnly. "Will you tell others about this so they will be safe too?"
"It's a promise!"
Please send this to as many people as you can (ADULTS as well as KIDS) to teach them not to give any information about themselves. This world we live in today is too dangerous to even give out our age, let alone anything else.
Give Someone Else A Lurchogram Smile
Refer them to the "Lurchogram-Joke of the Week"!
Have Them (or you) Email me with their First & Last Name, Email Address & Who Referred Them and They will be added to the following weeks "Lurchogram."
For Change of Email Address, Comments, Questions, Referrals, Submissions or Removal:
Email me at: [email protected]
For past Issues, Sayings, Monthly Bonus, May Family Page etc.:
Check out my Web Site at: http://home.thegrid.net/~lurch
*If you like the Lurchogram-Joke of the Week, please forward it to your friends.*
Until Next Week Lurch
