A
Anonymous
Guest
Memo from Santa
>>
>> I regret to inform you that, effective immediately,
>> I will no longer serve Georgia, Florida, West Virginia, Virginia,
>> North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, Ohio,
>> Louisiana or Alabama on Christmas Eve.
>>
>> Due to the overwhelming current population of the
>> earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves
>> Local 209. As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer
>> breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain
>> that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement,
>> who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is
>> from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all
>> the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between
>> us.
>>
>> Differences such as:
>>
>> 1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your
>> presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper
>> sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
>>
>> 2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers
>> that children leave RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the
>> fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff, so
>> please have an empty spit can handy.
>>
>> 3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared,
>> flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning
>> him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks
>> Bubba's fireplace.
>>
>> 4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner,
>> d Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On
>> Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."
>>
>> 5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And
>> you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat".
>>
>> 6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba
>> Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with
>> the
>> words, "Back Off."
>>
>> 7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as,
>> "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in
>> your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves
>> Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as
>> Bubba
>> Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
>>
>> And Finally,
>>
>> 8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you,
>> 'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he
>> bends over to put presents under the tree.
>>
>> Sincerely Yours,
>> Santa Claus
>>
>> I regret to inform you that, effective immediately,
>> I will no longer serve Georgia, Florida, West Virginia, Virginia,
>> North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, Ohio,
>> Louisiana or Alabama on Christmas Eve.
>>
>> Due to the overwhelming current population of the
>> earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves
>> Local 209. As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer
>> breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain
>> that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement,
>> who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is
>> from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all
>> the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between
>> us.
>>
>> Differences such as:
>>
>> 1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your
>> presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper
>> sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
>>
>> 2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers
>> that children leave RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the
>> fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff, so
>> please have an empty spit can handy.
>>
>> 3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared,
>> flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning
>> him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks
>> Bubba's fireplace.
>>
>> 4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner,
>> d Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On
>> Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."
>>
>> 5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And
>> you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat".
>>
>> 6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba
>> Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with
>> the
>> words, "Back Off."
>>
>> 7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as,
>> "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in
>> your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves
>> Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as
>> Bubba
>> Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
>>
>> And Finally,
>>
>> 8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you,
>> 'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he
>> bends over to put presents under the tree.
>>
>> Sincerely Yours,
>> Santa Claus
