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Dear Abby.......

S

Shortgrass

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Joined
Sep 25, 2006
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2,407
Location
Eastern Colorado
I am really in a dilemma this weekend. Maybe this is no place for this, but here goes: One of my neighbors that I really like a lot has blindsided me. I never would have expected it. My good wife, who I love dearly, and I were at his home Friday night. I thought everything was fine when we left, but he looked me up at a bull sale on Saturday, and told me that he really liked me, and wanted to be good neighbors as we have always been, but that Jan had offended him deeply, and she was not welcome at his home again. He was vague about just exactly what went wrong, but clear about this: if I have her with me, I am not to stop at his place, and not to expect him or his wife & kids at my home if Jan is there. I am mad. What do you folks see as the Christian thing? Do I just drop by without her, trying to have a relationship on his terms, or do I just sacrifice my relationship with them? I am mad enough to do just that, but, is it right? This feels kinda like a "Dear Abby", but I do value wise counsel especially from other Christians (I know that many of you are) who are not mad at the moment! How quickly we go from the hilltop to the valley.
 
Shortgrass, after reading some of the things you have taught or reminded us of. I would probably have to come to you for and answer. But if you cant reconcile with him or find out what happened. I would have to stand by the one who stands by you, probably your wife. Take care and have a good weekend.
 
I would ask him what it was that offended him so bad. From what I know from your posts and those that know you and Jan I can't imagine that the insult was done on purpose or intentionally. I know good neighbors are had to find but good wives even tougher.
:?
 
I will be fine in my relationship with my wife. What troubles me is my relationship with my neighbor. He is adamant about not seeing Jan. Shall I just forget him?
 
Offense is the bait of Satan. He likes people to get offended because then he can slip in through the cracks.

Communication is the key. I am sure that if Jan said something that offended your neighbor, it was inadvertant as all get out. Sometimes people hear wrong, thinking they hear that which was not said at all. You and your neighbor, without your wives being present, need to communicate and lay your cards out on the table. If Jan said something that needs an apology, she should give it. Good neighbors are treasures, but not nearly as much as a good wife.
 
I hope everything works out for ya in the end. My advice is to realize that people have to make a choice to be offended. I've lost my temper and told somebody off and figured our relationship was history. But later they have said it's water under the bridge and things were fine. And other times somebody has cut off contact and we lost our friendship. The difference between the two is a concious choice to be upset. Even if your fine wife said something accidental or otherwise, the other guy made the decision to get sideways. And he will have to be the one to forgive and forget. I'd try to visit with him and get him to see that for the length of your friendship, he has liked your wife and now wants to throw it all away over ONE thing. Doesn't all the good things banked before carry any weight? And if he still CHOOSES to be angry then HE will have to live without knowing fine folks like you two! :D I could understand it if it was me he was mad at! :wink:
 
Give him a couple days to calm down. Call him and ask him to tell you what exectly happened. If he will not then there is no way to fix the alleged wrong. Pray for him
When reading the post " forsaking all others" kept repeating in my head.
Sending prays for ears to be opened and understanding to be gained.
 
Like others have mentioned, I'd talk to him about this and try to pin him down on what offended him, specifically. I think it's good to go in person, not on the phone. My grandpa always said he liked to "eyeball" people, to see if they were being truth full or not about what their problem was. You could start off by saying, I've known my wife for X amount of years, I know her heart, and I know she would never knowingly say something hurt full or offensive to you.

If he's evasive or won't come off of it and won't be friends with both of you, I'd doubt his honesty.....a man isn't a friend who will only be friends on his terms.

Just my thoughts...I'll pray that the Lord gives you the right words at the right time.
 
Triangle Bar said:
Like others have mentioned, I'd talk to him about this and try to pin him down on what offended him, specifically. I think it's good to go in person, not on the phone. My grandpa always said he liked to "eyeball" people, to see if they were being truth full or not about what their problem was. You could start off by saying, I've known my wife for X amount of years, I know her heart, and I know she would never knowingly say something hurt full or offensive to you.

If he's evasive or won't come off of it and won't be friends with both of you, I'd doubt his honesty.....a man isn't a friend who will only be friends on his terms.

Just my thoughts...I'll pray that the Lord gives you the right words at the right time.
Click to expand...

I agree with "eyeballing" who you are talking with. One of my pet peeves is sunglasses with mirror lenses. I don't want to see what I look like--I want to see the other person's eyes. :roll: :wink:
 
As has already been stated, Matthew 18 is the only safe way to go....after all, this was wisdom given by the Master himself and he knew that as sinful weak Christians, we would need this teaching. If your neighbor does not have the fortitude to have a meeting with your wife about the issue, then I would consider it a dead issue. Does your wife know about the problem? If she does, then she could also make the first step to heal the relationship. May you have peace in Jesus name.
 
That is one the most unusual things I may have ever heard Shortgrass. Someone willing to say so much to you, but not give an explanation, or want to talk it through to seek resolution???? Just bewildering, to say the least.

All I can say, is I would discuss it with your good wife first, then agree on your first step. If you both decide to approach your neighbour, do it together, supporting one another fully, as you normally would. If the neighbour resists and withdraws, you can sleep at night knowing you've tried.

I'm still shaking my head over it, after reading your post 5 times. Best of luck, and take care.

PC
 
No more response on this thread, please, just go check out Good Sunday Mornin"
I may not sleep for a week after this, I am shaking my head too, wondering why I did this. This is leading up to Good Sunday Mornin', and at the time I thought this was a good idea.
 

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