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Disorder in the American Courts

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Soapweed

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> >These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
> >things
> >people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published
> >by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these
> >exchanges
> >were actually taking place.
> >
> >ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> >WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
> >______________________________
> >
> >
> >ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
> >WITNESS: July 18th.
> >ATTORNEY: What year?
> >WITNESS: Every year.
> >_____________________________________
> >
> >ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of
> >the impact?
> >WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> >______________________________________
> >
> >
> >ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect
> >your memory at all?
> >WITNESS: Yes.
> >
> >ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your
> >memory?
> >WITNESS: I forget.
> >ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example
> >of something you forgot?
> >_____________________________________
> >
> >ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living
> >with you?
> >WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't
> >remember which.
> >ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
> >WITNESS: Forty-five years.
> >_____________________________________
> >
> >ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband
> >said to you that morning?
> >WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> >ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> >WITNESS: My name is Susan.
> >______________________________________
> >
> >ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever
> >been involved in voodoo?
> >WITNESS: We both do.
> >ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> >WITNESS: We do.
> >ATTORNEY: You do?
> >WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
> >______________________________________
> >
> >ATTORNEY: Now doctor isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he
> >doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> >WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> >___________________________________
> >
> >ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> >WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
> >________________________________________
> >
> >ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> >WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
> >______________________________________
> >
> >ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> >WITNESS: Yes.
> >ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> >WITNESS: Uh....
> >______________________________________
> >
> >ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> >WITNESS: Yes.
> >ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> >WITNESS: None.
> >ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> >______________________________________
> >
> >ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> >WITNESS: By death.
> >ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> >______________________________________
> >
> >ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> >WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> >ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> >_________________________________________
> >
> >ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
> >notice which I sent to your attorney?
> >WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> >______________________________________
> >
> >ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
> >people?
> >WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> >______________________________________
> >
> >ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
> >WITNESS: Oral.
> >______________________________________
> >
> >ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> >WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> >ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> >WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
> >autopsy on him!
> >______________________________________
> >
> >ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> >WITNESS: Huh?
> >______________________________________
> >
> >ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
> >pulse?
> >WITNESS: No.
> >ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> >WITNESS: No.
> >ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> >WITNESS: No.
> >ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began
> >the autopsy?
> >WITNESS: No.
> >ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> >WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> >ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
> >WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
> >law
 

sp

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Soapweed - That is some pretty good stuff and to think these people may be registered voters.
 

Jeannie

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Who Cares?
I now realize why I have a fine, upstanding, law-abiding (at least mostly) citizen all these years! :wink:
 

nr

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I'm highly offended, Soapweed, that an attorney would not know some of us women have beards:
 

Soapweed

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Nice beard, but how do you eat? Where did you ever find a full length horse's tail without the horse still attached? All it favor, see eyes. Those opposed, neigh. The eyes have it. :shock:

I'll quit. Have a good day.
 

Tam

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Thanks for the laugh :lol:. And to think some of these guys will someday become judges. :roll:
 

nr

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Big Muddy rancher said:
Gee nr their are a few here i would expect to find under a horses tail but not you. :wink: :wink:

I was wondering what on earth that bad smell was!
 

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