Fifteen Police Comments

[Soapweed]

The following 15 Police Comments were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

#15. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14. "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My personal favorite.)

#13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11. "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9. "Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not: Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."

#6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5. "No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#4. "Just how big were those two beers?

#3. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#2. "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

And.................... THE BEST ONE !!!!!!! ............................Drum Roll Please!!!!!!!


#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't."

 

[fedup2]

The local sheriff watches an out of state car slow down for a stop sign and keep going through it. He pulls the driver over.
The driver rolls down his window and says "Why the hell did you stop me?"
Sheriff says "because you failed to stop at that stop sign!"
The driver says "I slowed down, what the hell is the difference?"
The sheriff takes out his billy club and starts rapping the guy on the head, then asks "Now would you like me to slow down or would you like me to stop?"!!! :shock: :lol:

 

[Mike]

True story.....................................................

The town drunk in Hayneville, Al was stopped by a State Trooper one night for weaving from one side of the road to the other. The trooper pulls him over and walks up to the car and asked "Emmett" for his drivers license. Emmett had lost his driving privileges years ago.

Emmett looks up at the trooper in all seriousness and says;

"WHAT! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YA'LL HAVE LOST MY DAMN DRIVER'S LICENSE?"

The trooper reached in the car, got Emmetts keys and left. He still laughs about it after 30 years.

 

[theHiredMansWife]

The second/most recent ticket I got was three years ago on the Standing Rock res. I was doing 75 in a 60.

When the cop came up to the window, I asked if he would give me extra credit for having not only my own seatbelt on, but also my kids were both properly restrained in their carseats. (The seatbelt/carseat laws are more suggestions than anything in that part of the world)

"Well ma'am... I will say you're the first person I've stopped today that had everyone properly buckled. Extra credit, huh?
Thank-you for obeying one of North Dakota's traffic laws" As he handed me my speeding ticket. :lol: ($25)

 

[Northern Rancher]

Good for him nipping that crime wave in the bud lol.

 

[mp.freelance]

The second/most recent ticket I got was three years ago on the Standing Rock res. I was doing 75 in a 60.

When the cop came up to the window, I asked if he would give me extra credit for having not only my own seatbelt on, but also my kids were both properly restrained in their carseats. (The seatbelt/carseat laws are more suggestions than anything in that part of the world)

"Well ma'am... I will say you're the first person I've stopped today that had everyone properly buckled. Extra credit, huh?
Thank-you for obeying one of North Dakota's traffic laws" As he handed me my speeding ticket. :lol: ($25)

$25?!?! Man, you guys have it good in Nebraska. My last speeding ticket was for the exact same speed violation: 75 in a 60 mph zone. I was in the middle of nowhere going down a straight stretch of highway. I ended up paying about $100 more than you did, though.

 

[Cal]

The second/most recent ticket I got was three years ago on the Standing Rock res. I was doing 75 in a 60.

When the cop came up to the window, I asked if he would give me extra credit for having not only my own seatbelt on, but also my kids were both properly restrained in their carseats. (The seatbelt/carseat laws are more suggestions than anything in that part of the world)

"Well ma'am... I will say you're the first person I've stopped today that had everyone properly buckled. Extra credit, huh?
Thank-you for obeying one of North Dakota's traffic laws" As he handed me my speeding ticket. :lol: ($25)

$25?!?! Man, you guys have it good in Nebraska. My last speeding ticket was for the exact same speed violation: 75 in a 60 mph zone. I was in the middle of nowhere going down a straight stretch of highway. I ended up paying about $100 more than you did, though.

Standing Rock's not in Nebraska. http://www.standingrock.org/visitus.htm
Tickets on the Pine Ridge and Rosebud are pretty reasonable, too, but tickets in Nebraska are at least as painful as anywhere.

 

[Hanta Yo]

I was looking for the college in Miles city, totally lost (my first time in that town) I was on a road I thought was rural, NOPE I was going way too fast within town limits, cop pulled me over, I told him I was totally lost, wanted to find the college so I could attend meetings and I was LATE, that kind man gave me a warning, and had me follow him to the college and found me a parking place. I was so impressed, I wrote a letter to the police telling them how much I appreciated the treatment.....

 

[theHiredMansWife]

Yeah, I was in ND, just south of Prairie Knights casino.

In Nebraska I could have expected at least $75...

 

[Sandhusker]

I had a 7 am flight out of Rapid City once, was running a little late, so I was kind of letting the rope out crossing the Pine Ridge Res. I was booking on along 85-90 in a 60 when a res. policeman pulled me over. He came up to my window and asked me, "What is the big hurry". I told him, "I've got an early flight out of Rapid and I'm trying not to be late". He then told me, "Sorry, I won't bother you any more" and got back in his outfit. That was it.

 

[S CO rancher]

A few years ago I was heading to our cattle range for a move the next morning. About 11pm as I was going 45 in a 30 through Saguache, the red lights came on and pulled me over. The cop wrote me a ticket, then said I could either come to court the next week and pay the $25 fine, or could pay on the spot. Since it was a 70 mile round trip, and was going to be haying the next week, I paid on the spot.

Then to top it off he insisted that I come over to the car and look at his new radar gun, I was the first person he had stopped with it. I stood there and took it while he in painful detail explained the workings of a radar gun.

Two months later he was arrested for writing tickets to out of towners, usually on made up charges and skimming the fine money. Went to jail for five years for that one. What stopped him is when he got the head of the Colorado FBI office on a trumped up charge, who went along with it and got enough evidence to put him away. Some guys just aren't smart. :roll:

 

[koj]

A friend of mine got picked up by the U-pud (campus police) in Brookings. He figured he was doing 45 or so in a 25. When he got in the "cop" car, he sat on the radar gun, resetting it. The "officer" had to let him go with a warning because there was no proof. I guess having a huge butt pays off sometimes! :wink: